Your Curated Tumblr Experience Awaits!
tfp!human!au:
ratchet: - do you know that alcohol is completely eliminated from the body only after approximately twenty days?
wheeljack: - ..you mean, never?
ratchet: - has anyone seen bumblebee and smokescreen?
bulkhead: - oh i'm sure they're fine. i left them with wheeljack!
ratchet: - no offense, bulkh, but those two sentences don't go together.
smokescreen, admiring the sunset: - now imagine how cool it would be if you could take screenshots in real life..
bulkhead:
arcee:
bulkhead, in a whisper: - may be we should remind him about cameras?
arcee, in a whisper: - nah
ultra magnus: - it seems like we have to change our strategy. quick, what is the plan b?
bulkhead: - well.. there's no plan b.
wheeljack: - and there's no plan a either.
smokescreen: - yeah, basically, we have no idea what we're doing.
tfp!human!au:
smokescreen: - but if the human body doesn't get water, it dies!
ratchet: *takes away coca cola bottle*
ratchet: - i hate to break it to you, but this is not water.
smokescreen: *struggles to take the bottle back*
smokescreen: - no, but it's a liquid-
wheeljack: - it's not about if anyone permits me to do that
wheeljack: - it's only about if anyone can prevent me from doing that
tfp!human!au:
how the 1st episode should have started
ratchet: - what in the actual fuck?
optimus: - ratchet. be careful what you say, there are children here.
ratchet: - well that's the point! what in the actual fuck do the children do on the military base?
bulkhead: - we're surrounded!
wheeljack: - great, so that means we can fire in any direction!
tfp!human!au:
smokescreen: - not a single person asked me how fast i could run in my new shoes today.
smokescreen: - being an adult is just so stupid.
wheeljack: - you're so resilient!
arcee: - thanks. my options were that or dead.
tfp!human!au:
smokescreen: - hey bee, do you happen to have a band-aid? i seem to have cut my finger..
bumblebee: *nods and hands him several colorful band-aids with different cartoon characters*
smokescreen: ☆.☆`
smokescreen: - ..so you mean i have to choose one?.. you know what, lend me your knife for a minute, too!
tfp!human!au:
arcee: *stretches*
arcee: - ugh, my whole body hurts..
smokescreen: - oh, is it because of dealing with all that paperwork? or because of some intense workout?
arcee: - it's because of my being in my late 20s.
wheeljack: - but how did you find me?
ratchet: - oh, our computers detected a huge explosion and we thought «now, who could that be?»
tfp!human!au:
after new year's party
bulkhead: - get up, it's 6 o'clock already!
smokescreen: - already? ohh, alright, guess i'll skip my morning training today..
bulkhead:
bulkhead: - no, i mean, it's 6 p.m.
tfp!human!au:
smokescreen: - your tattoos look dope, but what do they mean?
wheeljack, grinning: - that i cannot be trusted with two thousand bucks for sure.
smokescreen: - well, in my defense, i was left unsupervised!
optimus: - wait, wasn't bumblebee with you?
bumblebee:
smokescreen:
smokescreen: - in his defense, he was also left unsupervised.
tfp!human!au:
ratchet's laptop: *emits an audio signal that it's running low on battery power*
ratchet: - uhh, fuck off!
ratchet: - i'm running low on my will to live right now.
ratchet: - but i'm not doing bulubulu every five minutes.
ratchet: - i'm working!
knock out: - if a beautiful mech disagrees with me i'll immediately change my views. i have no principles.
bumblebee: - well, maybe you should have principles.
knock out: - you're right, maybe i should.
tfp!human!au:
smokescreen: - what's your biggest fear?
optimus: - being forgotten.
smokescreen: - damn, that's.. deep..
smokescreen: - mine is the kool-aid man but i feel kinda stupid about it now.
imagine how tfp knock out and cliffjumper could've met in the 1st episode
knock out: - your frame is painted in my signature color!
cliffjumper: - you don’t own the color red. red existed before you.
knock out: - not aboard nemesis. here, i invented red. i am red.
tfp!human!au
ultra magnus: *drinks his third coffee in a morning and prepares for the roll call after returning from the night duty*
smokescreen: — uh.. sir, are you sure you're alr-
ultra magnus: *cleares his throat*
ultra magnus: — those who are absent, raise your hands!
arcee: - what's the situation?
smokescreen: - everything goes according to plan!
arcee: *looks around the battlefield*
arcee: - seems like according to the enemy's plan.
☕ probably the weirdest associations ever but anyway tfp autobots as things you add in your tea:
🫙 wheeljack - cinnamon
🥛 smokescreen - milk
🥄 bulkhead - sugar
🌿 arcee - herbs
🍯 bumblebee - honey
🍋 ratchet - citrus
🫐 optimus - berries
🧊 ultra magnus - ice
🫗 cliffjumper - sugar syrup
smokescreen: - so.. what's the fear of spiders called again?
arcee: - weakness.
ratchet: - ..arachnophobia.
bulkhead: - common sense!
tfp!human!au
video blogger: «most people only work to secure the future for their children»
optimus: *looks at sleeping bumblebee*
optimus, quietly: - oh, that is so, the best future awaits you.
arcee: - i have two pieces of news.
optimus: - in such a case, please, start with a good one.
arcee: - who told you that there was a good one?