I Hate Myself - Blog Posts

im actually the grossest person to live poorly masquerading as a hygienic person

I laugh everything I look at/remember my username, because to others it probably looks like sweet or loving or something like that, but I know that it was born out of frustration as I tried to convey that I didn't exist and I hated every thing and everyone including myself.

My username was born of the purse loathing and it absolutely does not convey that, so I feel like i have a sneaky little secret.

TW ! Graphic descriptions of abuse, trauma and self hate

P 0 R N Ø G R ª P H ¥

One topic I hardly ever see anyone talking about is how harmful pornography really is. I remember when I was still innocent and naive, when my cousin invited me to go watch something with her.

It was strange, new, she never allowed me to touch or interact with anything that was hers. As a child who had been in an abusive home, I was always desperate for attention. I didn't show anything back then when I first saw it, but whenever I remember it I force myself to vomit that negative thing out.

Never, regardless of the situation, regardless of the reasons, should a child be exposed to p_rn0graphy. A classmate from my old school wanted to have s** with me in the bathroom when I was nine. A f_cking nine year old student wanted to have s** with a naïve, newly adapting person of their own age.

Giving a child a tablet just to keep them quiet is a sick and unhealthy way to lead them to their doom. Because yes, porn is accessible as fuck. And for a child that you isolate from the world and from yourself, nothing is out of reach for them to want to fit into a group.

I'm never trusting anyone, I'm never looking at my own eyes on the same way ever again. And it's your fault. It's your fault that I always look to the sides, that I always feel disgust when I look at myself. Because nowhere was I enough. Nowhere have I been as beautiful as the p****tes that old ped_philes like to show their p_nises to.

I hate you all.

Now do me a favor and buy me a mask to hide this freak you made me see as my face. It's the only thing I need. To forget...

To stop looking at YOUR action's consequences!

(...)

[April 14, 2025_ 9:20 pm]

Gratitude for reading this far!

Guys I just found out that some of the scenes of Stranger Things were filmed at a concentration camp- and the fact that the lab children have the number tattoos- I-

What the actual fuck 😀

I thought the Duffers COULDNT get any worse but here we are 😭

I live with atopic dermatitis. There's no way to cure it, you can only compensate.

I remember when I believed in God, as a child, I wished for my birthday and new year's Eve only one thing - to be healthy, to stop being sick with it. But it was all in vain. When I was 14 years old, I had already stopped believing in God. I was offended that I was given this disease. I didn't know why I got it.

When I entered the university, my condition was getting worse. I had permanent cracks, itching, and frequent but brief bleeding on my hands. This new year, I've managed to get my skin back to almost normal. But now it's all coming back. As it turned out, atopic dermatitis depends on stress. I'm neurotic and I get nervous all the time.

Now I am forever in this limbo of blood and pain. Nothing and no one can save me.

I remember (from childhood) how I prayed on holidays, as my grandmother said that God would hear my prayers. No matter what treatment I chose, it all came back.

I'm just a mistake

"writing is fun" "writing is therapeutic" until you randomly forget in which tense you're writing so you have to go back and change all your verbs

Nothing

I fr just wanna give up on life, man…

Trigger Warning: Vent art w/ suicide-related content

Hour one of listening to "Coconut Mall" from Mario Kart Wii to study. I am slowly but surely losing my sanity, however i am trying ti reach my goal of listening to it until my bf wants too call me, i lose all of my sanity, or if decide i'm done studying. i have 3 tests i must study for- i'm not sure i'll make it /j Its round 18 of listening to the same music and it feels like the world around me isnt real anymore- anyways- back to studying

"It's not about the want to die but the desire to simply not exist"

-Me, 2022

Love is awful. My crush has the power to drain all the energy, happiness and will to live from me just with a couple words...he makes me hate myself and it's not even his fault

hey heres some family drama cuz ppl like ts

my sister is in trouble because she got caught with a vape at her school, and then she faked being sick and skipped two days of school (ima wake up [eugh] early and force her to go to school tomorrow) context: my sister lies about almost everything, but only to the people in authority, so, mostly my dad. she is very open to me (specifically me) and tells me almost everything. unless im in charge. yeh thats all i can think of rn sooo yeah i hoped you liked it ig

because why can't i?

Last night I couldn't go to sleep at what I think is a reasonable time so I just stayed up all night so I wouldn't sleep in

I'm not ignoring you, please know that.

I'm not leaving to spite you.

I Leaving for the benefit of MY mental health.

Why does everything I do count as ignoring you when you hate Me?

You agreed with him, but neither of you want to hear me out.

Stop thinking this is about you, it's distracting you from people you like.

What am I supposed to do...

I'm terrified of getting better.

The idea of focusing on myself scares me.

I'm trying so hard to get better but I'm making myself worse.

But fuck it, I'll comfort you.

Even though you're forcing yourself to pretend you like me as though you owe me something for crying while my mom called the cops that night.

Even if I'll never be able to forgive myself for being so fucking selfish.

How dare my mother take me out of school because it's been negatively affecting me and the only reason I even went was to see my friends.

Friends.

The people that hate me.

The people that couldn't care less.

The people that wish I were dead.

Fuck it.

I'll comfort you.

When no else bothers to think about how fucking guilty I feel for even fucking breathing, fuck it.

Fine.

It's not your fault.

You're not alone.

You're not selfish.

I don't hate you.

I thought...

Nevermind.

You deserve to live.

You deserve to be happy.

You deserve good friends.

You don't deserve to have me hanging around and overstating my brief welcome.

I'm sorry for manipulating you into being my friend. God, I'm so sorry.

I want you to forget about me.

I want you to stay with people who help you.

I want you to stop wasting time on me.

I'm a hopeless bitch.

I'm a waste of time.

So stop it.

Please

I'm so sorry.

I should never have been so fucking selfish.

Because I'm not special.

And things won't get better for me.

I deserve the shit they throw.

I deserve to be isolated.

I deserve for them to hate me.

To wish I were dead.

Can't say I blame them.

You can get better.

And I hope you do.

I'm sorry.

fr, yall will never understand how disappointed i am of myself rn, bcz i was actually getting kinda better n now im thinking abt the fastest n easiest ways to commit again

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

i fucking hate my parents i hate them i hate this shit i hate it here i wanna d1e i wanna kms i fucking hate all of this shit

OMG MECORE

watching them move on n jst enjoy life after they completely ruined u n ur mental health <<<<<

The reason I'm so anti Lucifer is because I look at him and I see myself and I hate that bitch too