the-mothership-has-landed

Latest Posts by the-mothership-has-landed

House shenanigans

Gryffindor: *kicks the “G” off of the “Graveyard” sign* Yeah, Let’s get this party started!

Ravenclaw and Slytherin: Wow.

House shenanigans

Hufflepuff: holding a large box What would you say if I came home with four puppies?

Ravenclaw: lowers book slowly

Ravenclaw: Hufflepuff, What’s in the box?

Hufflepuff:

Hufflepuff: I think you already know.

House shenanigans

Ravenclaw: Norweiga 👏 is 👏 not 👏 a 👏 country!

Gryffindor: cowering under a desk Where are Norwegian people from then!?

Slytherin: recording NORWAY!

House shenanigans

Gryffindor: unbuttoning shirt God it’s so hot in here!

Hufflepuff: Yeah...But, why are you unbuttoning my shirt?

House Vines

Hufflepuff performing stand up comedy

Hufflepuff: So, I’ve got a drinking problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: light chuckles

Hufflepuff: I’m not old enough to drink, that’s the problem.

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw: all whooping and cheering

House Vines

Ravenclaw: If you got 5 apples, and you give 3 away. How many do you have left?

Hufflepuff: 5?

Ravenclaw: deep inhale

Ravenclaw: IF YoU gOt 5 ApPLeS aNd YoU GiVe-

House Vines

Gryffindor walks into class

Slytherin: Aww fuck! See I thought I was gonna have a happy day at school, but then you walked in.

Ravenclaw: What did gryffindor do?

Slytherin: Bitch go and exist.

Gryffindor:...

Ravenclaw: turns to gryffindor Why would you do that?

House shenanigans

Slytherin: pulls out a knife

Hufflepuff: oh no.

Slytherin: uses knife to open cardboard box

Hufflepuff: phew.

Slytherin: pulls out gun from cardboard box

Hufflepuff: oH nO.

House Vines

Gryffindor prefect relaxing in the tub late at night in the prefect’s bathroom.

Ravenclaw prefect: in a lifeguard uniform sitting on the edge of the tub, sexily. I see you don’t have a lifeguard here at your beach.

Gryffindor prefect: physically confused

Raveclaw prefect: acting sexy

Gryffindor prefect: I’m not at the beach-this is a bathtub.

House shenanigans

Ravenclaw: Slytherin, someone’s been kidnapped!

Slytherin: I swear to god if it’s Gryffindor-

Ravenclaw: It’s Gryffindor.

Slytherin: SoN oF a BiTcH!

House Vines

Gryffindor standing on the edge of one of the buildings in hogsmeade getting ready to jump.

Slytherin: unenthusiastically Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Planking on the edge I might!

Slytherin: still unenthusiastically while trying to grab griffindor Don’t kill yourself.

Gryffindor: Hanging upside down from the edge I might!

Slytherin: whilst pulling gryffindor by their feet That’ll ruin the trip, dude.

House Vines

At slytherins birthday party

Gryffindor: walking up to slytherin with a gift Happy birthday biiitch!

Slytherin: So you just bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?

Gryffindor: Happy birthday?

Slytherin: smashes glass on gryffindor’s head

House Vines

Ravenclaw: Buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonald’s.

Gryffindor: We going to McDonald’s if I don’t do my work!?

Ravenclaw: No!

House shenanigans

Hufflepuff: Why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would just be excited to have a bunk bed.

Slytherin:

Gryffindor:

Ravenclaw:

Gryffindor: I’m gonna to tell them.

Literally everybody: DON’T YOU DARE!!

What’s heavier?

Gryffindor: Got a question for you. What’s heavier? A kilogram of steel? Or a kilogram of feathers?

Time ticks

Gryffindor: That’s right. It’s a kilogram of steel. Because steel is heavier than feathers.

Gryffindor’s Show!

Gryffindor: What do you mean?

Slytherin: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: But steel is heavier than feathers...

Slytherin: Heh. I know, but they’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor:...Wha?

Gryffindor’s Show!

A scale holding both a kilogram of feathers and steel stands before gryffindor. The scale is balanced.

Gryffindor: That doesn’t prove anything, because steel is heavier than feathers.

Hufflepuff: I know, but look. They’re both a kilogram. Right? So they’re the same.

Gryffindor: Ok, but look at the size of this. *points to the huge bag of feathers* That’s cheating!

Slytherin: *laughs* No, they’re the same weight!

Hufflepuff: *also laughing* it’s a kilogram!

Gryffindor: But steels heavier than feathers...

Gryffindor’s Show!

Ravenclaw examining the scale.

Ravenclaw: They’re both a kilogram.

Gryffindor: Oh no...oh, no, you, ah...no...

Hufflepuff: You alright?

Gryffindor: *sadly* I don’t get it.

Slytherin: Sorry...

Ravenclaw: Yeah...Don’t worry about it!

House Vines

Muggle Hufflepuff: *sitting in car in front of a Wendys with Gryfindor, who is recording Hufflepuff* Is Wendy working today? *faces the camera smiling*

Muggle Gryfindor: Bruh, you didn’t roll your window down.

Muggle Hufflepuff: Wha?

Muggle Hufflepuff: Is Wendy working today? *once again faces Gryfindor’s camera smiling*

Muggle Gryfindor: I think they’re closed.

Muggle Hufflepuff: Yeah me too.

Muggle Hufflepuff: Hey, is Wendy working today?

Muggle Gryfindor: Dude I think we’re at Taco Bell-

Muggle Hufflepuff: *tears in eyes* WhAt hOw!?

House Vines

Ravenclaw: *bursts through Hufflepuff’s common room door* WhY arEn’t tHe DiSHes iN AlPhaBeTiCal OrDeR!?

Hufflepuff: *sitting up from couch* What does that even mean?

House Vines

Ravenclaw prefect: *Singing while bursting into Slytherin’s dorm* Good morning~Good mooooorrrning~!!!!

Ravenclaw prefect: Wake up kiddo it’s Saturday!!

Slytherin: Ugh...Ravenclaw I was out late!

Ravenclaw prefect: *Takes a big slurp of tea* I know!

House Vines

Gryfindor: *checking under Hufflepuff’s bed* No monsters under your bed.

Hufflepuff: I know...They’re behind you now.

Gryfindor:

Hufflepuff:

Gryfindor: What?

House Vines

Hufflepuff: What do we want?

Gryfindor: Weed!

Hufflepuff: When do we want it?

Gryfindor: Weed!

Hufflepuff: I already said that.

Gryfindor: What do we want?

Hufflepuff: Weed!-I’m confused.

House Vines

Hufflepuff: I spilt lipstick in your Valentino bag.

Slytherin: Oh! You spill-WaWAwAWa-LIPSTICK In mY VaLeNtInO WHITE bAg!!

House Vines

Slytherin: *to literally everybody else* ThE BaGs uNdEr My eYeS ArE PRADA.

Slytherin: *Laughs menacingly*

Gryfindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff:...

Slytherin: Kill your family.

House Vines

Gryfindor: What did you get in your happy meal?

Hufflepuff: Chapstick, what’d you get?

Gryfindor: A new SKATEBOARD!

Hufflepuff: Wha-

Gryfindor: *while skating away* LATER PUSSY!

House Vines

Slytherin: I should’ve left you on that street corner where you were standing.

Gryfindor: *intense pause*

Gryfindor: But ch’ya didnt!

House Vines

Slytherin: *holding a crayon*

Hufflepuff: SLYTHERIN! Is THat A WeED!?

Slytherin: No, this is a crayon-

Hufflepuff: IM CalLiNg ThE POliCe!! *dials 911 in a microwave*

Slytherin: *rolls eyes*

911: 911 what’s your emergency?

X files theme

House Vines

*eerie violin music playing*

Slytherin: Hello Gryffindor.

Gryffindor: Hi Slytherin.

Slytherin: *looks down*

Slytherin: Those shoes look familiar. *smiles coldly*

House Vines

Ravenclaw: *staring at Gryffindor*

Gryffindor: *looks at Ravenclaw*

Ravenclaw:

Gryffindor:

Gryffindor: THE HELL YOU STARING AT!?

Ravenclaw: The spider.

Gryffindor: The spider?-*Notices spider a their head* OH GOD!

Ravenclaw: Damn.

House Vines

Gryffindors mother: Well Professor Mcgonagall, my daughter would not do something such a thing therefore after.

Gryffindor mother: *whispering harshly to Gryffindor* Gryffindor did you fucking do that thing therefore after?

House Vines

Slytherin: You can’t sit with us.

Hufflepuff: actually Slytherin I can’t sit anywhere. I have-

Hufflepuff: *turns to face the camera that only hufflepuff can see* Hemroids!

House Vines

Ravenclaw: Why didn’t you tell me that you are a werewolf!?

Gryffindor: On our first date I said I was a “dog person”.

Ravenclaw:

Gryffindor:

Ravenclaw: Man you’re right.