YOU ENDED IT LIKE THAG WHAT - Blog Posts

pairing: dr. ratio x gender neutral reader

contains: angst, insecurities, friends to ???, open ended, mutual (?) pining, banter (?), i tried to make their dialogue lighthearted, reader is a writer/author in this, you call him veritas alot

synopsis: a friend, that's all you'll ever be to him.

word count: 1.9k

a/n: wrote from 400 to almost 2k in one night hehe, i wanted to atleast update my other event so i did. and if i get asked if this has part two uhm, i WILL think about it :D based on a true story (aka im not sure if i like one of my guy friends)

part of the comeback festa

Meeting Veritas Ratio was one of the best things that happened to you.

He was a bit eccentric, really intimidating and you're still unsure why both of you became friends so easily.

You liked different things, and people would scoff or laugh at you when you told them that the scary Dr. Ratio was your dearest friend.

When you had free time, you'd meet with one another and discuss the happenings of the week. He'd tell you about the various research topics he delved into or the interesting students he spotted on his lecture.

Meanwhile, you'd tell him about the activities you found yourself in when gathering inspiration for a novel. And Veritas Ratio must not look like he's interested - oh, but he is invested whenever you recount the flowery ideas that came to you that day.

And it was inevitable that you saw the man as not only your dearest friend, but someone you fell in love with.

It was a simple affair really, you'd think that the Veritas Ratio was hard to love yet it was easier than taking a breath of fresh air. He may look cold on the outside yet when you talk to him- you undeniably feel warm.

Other people won't notice it but you do. You know how much he values teaching his students because the way he animatedly “rants” about his students - you could see the sparkle in his eyes, that desire to impart knowledge to those who can't do the same as him.

The more you stare into his mesmerizing eyes or imagine the way you'd card your fingers through his hair - you lay awake in your bed, wishing that Veritas Ratio would feel the same for you.

“You look distressed, is something troubling you?” He asks out of nowhere when you were eating lunch together.

It was a bit late for lunch yet he still found time to eat with you, and he even brought the foods you wanted to try for a long time. 

“Ah…me? It's about my novel. I'm getting stuck on the plot and whatnot.” You say, eyes flitting away from his inquisitive gaze.

“Oh, care to tell me about it? I could even offer my input.”

It wasn't even said in romantic intent yet your heart races loudly in your chest.

“It's a short one this time. The protagonist found themselves falling for their longtime friend but can't say it for fear of rejection or ruining the friendship.”

After voicing it out, you're seriously considering the planet to swallow you whole because isn't that a bit too obvious?

“What's got you stuck then? I'm quite sure you are well versed in this type of storyline, are you not?” He tells you with an eyebrow raise.

You can't speak further, in fear of revealing your true feelings to the man before you. And so you swallow your words and laugh.

“You're right…”

In the months that follow, you're hoping Veritas hadn't noticed a single thing amiss with how you're acting.

You also hope most of your excuses are credible and don't seem as if you're avoiding him. You've got to thank some of your colleagues for barging in on some of them, if not then this whole charade would have been discovered long ago.

Veritas Ratio is very observant, he won't talk much and it's subtle. You get surprised when he mentions something out of the blue and you realize it's those you've said when you think he wasn't listening.

And when another friend of yours comes to you and starts talking, you aren't worried…well for the meanwhile.

“I heard you liked someone.” She said, clinging on your arm and gushing. She's the type that wants to be updated on all the latest gossip and you would have loved to listen if Veritas wasn't a few feet away.

He could rattle your ear off about bringing noisy coworkers in his ‘safe space’ even when you're in public. You gaze over to him and see that he isn't listening and is focusing on his book.

“Where’d you hear that?” Pulling away from her, you asked - hoping that she would back off after having been entertained.

“That doesn't matter! What matters is who you like!”

You do not like where this is going.

And from your peripheral, Veritas raises his head - it looks as if he's disinterested or annoyed even, yet he doesn't try to push away the source of noise.

“I heard it's a friend of yours.”

This is really bad.

“I'm not sure where you've heard of that, but it isn't true!” Your voice pitches up, eyes signaling for your other friend to shut up.

Sighing, you pull her farther from where Veritas was sitting. And you cross your arms, needing that explanation.

“Is it really Dr. Ratio?” If you hadn't dragged her further then she would have exposed you and you would've died on the spot.

“Where did you hear that from?” You asked again, exasperated, maybe paranoid because you feel Veritas would teleport to where you were and expose everything about you.

“I didn't hear anything really. It's obvious!”

You can't speak after that.

Realizing that your true feelings are quite evident, you don't even know how to act in front of your friend.

How could you act normally in that situation? The truth had slapped you in the face after avoiding it for so long - when you got back to where Veritas was sitting, you couldn't even look him in the eye!

Thankfully, you had evaded his prodding and saved yourself from more questioning when a call from work interrupted you both.

Though, the problem lies in the aftermath. How could you face him when hanging out? A few months earlier you could have stared at his face normally yet now when you hear his voice - your heart speeds up.

Groaning, you bump your forehead against the wooden desk. The manuscript of your novel is laid spread over the table. By this time, you think Veritas had connected all the dots - he's smart after all.

Your phone rings and when you pick it up, you see his name.

“Speak of the devil,” you muttered after accepting the call and he questions your greeting.

“What?”

You've got to get it together!

“It's nothing. Anyway, why did you call me?” You scribble on the sides of the scratch paper you found scattered on your desk while waiting for his response.

“What, I can't just call a friend?” He huffed and you had to pinch yourself to stop imagining things.

“You can. But it is very unlike you, doctor.”  you jest, trying to regain composure, willing yourself to not slip up anything during this conversation.

“I'm lying too. I just wanted to hear your voice, is that bad?”

Now that is bad. Your cheeks flare up and you're thankful he isn't in front of you or your eyes would go everywhere and you'd be stuttering.

“What has gotten into you?” You asked and his answer just infuriates you.

“I can ask you the same thing.” He hums, and your stomach does that weird somersault.

“Nothing's the matter, why'd you ask?” Maybe you can get this conversation shifted to another topic, I could ask him about his past lectures or his future lessons-

“By now you would have pestered me to come here. But you haven't.”

You chuckle in utter disbelief, “I find that hard to believe.”

Silence drapes over the call like a warm blanket, and you would have welcomed it if it wasn't for his next words.

“I wanted you to come here actually.”

He must be joking.

A quiet what escapes your lips and you hear that melodious laugh resonate in your ears. You swoon but remember the circumstances, you freeze right after.

You would have loved to hear what he has to say next, after all he is talkative about things he likes. But your shaking fingers press on the end button and the phone drops against the desk.

The thoughts that came subsequently was a grim reminder of your situation.

You like Veritas Ratio, and you're scared to tell him.

It was those cliche and cheesy romance novels you would have enjoyed reading, the conflict before resolution before the two love interests. The absolute torment the lead characters would go through while internalizing if they were good enough for the other.

You then remind yourself that Veritas Ratio wasn't a book character and neither were you.

It had been a few weeks since your last conversation. And he probably understood the silence that came from your end because he hadn't tried reaching out.

This hurts you, but only slightly. Admitting that it's painful solidifies the fact that you are head over heels for Dr. Ratio.

Evading your long time friend was out of the question, it's about time that he barged into your home and questioned you on why you were so adamant on ignoring him after not explaining yourself.

But how could you? How could you explain that you were scared to admit your feelings to him, in fear that he would leave you?

Veritas Ratio was first and foremost, your dearest friend - losing him over some feelings wasn't worth it. You weren't worth it.

You were not deserving of someone like Veritas Ratio. He was the sun and you were the moon chasing after him - being friends with him was all you needed and even if you hide your feelings till it hurts then so be it.

Just then, someone started knocking on your door. You weren't expecting anybody yet still you opened and saw the bane of your existence.

Seeing him after so long knocks the breath out of your lungs. He looks worried over you and you wished he wasn't, you prayed that he was angry at you instead at least your heart won't start beating erratically in your chest.

Words weren't spoken but you let him in. After all, the walls of your home missed his presence and it was like he was never gone.

When you were both sitting on the couch, his eyes observed you carefully. You know him by now and so you avoid his prying gaze and will your hands to stop trembling.

He asks why he was being avoided and if he did something wrong, he sounded so desperate and you wanted to confess. But that looming fear squeezed your chest as if stopping you from saying anything else.

“You didn't…I just wanted time for myself for a while.” You knew what he wanted to say afterwards. He'd inquire why it wasn't shared to him right away - as friends, you regarded each other as a safe space. 

You know Veritas as patient but right now, he is getting desperate. He knows you're lying, you are hiding away from him but why - he knows he hasn't done anything wrong yet why are you so persistent in keeping this from him?

“You're lying.”

Tears have become present in your eyes, your palms have spread on your thighs and pressing against them is the only thing stopping you from breaking.

“Why can't you tell me anything anymore? I thought we were friends?”

Friends. That's all you'll ever be to him. You should know that yet…

“I've liked you for a while now.”

You didn't know what compelled you to confess but the words flew out of your mouth. Your heart was beating loudly against your ears, your hands never stopped trembling and your eyes glanced towards his.

“I know you might not feel the same way…”

His eyes have widened, mouth agape slightly yet he stays silent, curious on what you were saying.

“I don't know when I started liking you, and I'm aware it could ruin our…friendship. I'm sorry.”

Meeting Veritas Ratio was one of the best things that happened to you.

You're just not sure if he would like to see you again after this.

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