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Vent Tw - Blog Posts
I feel bad for the non-cult friends I have sometimes because they always ask "How are you :) ?" so innocently. They say they genuinely want to know cause I hold back, and it's nice to have that support. Still, it feels bad to always have a new horrible thing happen that's shaken you.
Sure I'm growing so much as a person and I love that, but I'm also dealing with my parents increasingly abusive behavior and struggling to organize my escape plan. All anyone can really do is say "It will get better!" Truely I believe that too, yet I still have to suffer now and I cant make myself ignore it anymore. I'm tired of being miserable no matter what I do. Everything that can be done has been, so now I helplessly flounder.
Even to this blog, it feels bad to not offer any insight or clear hope. I've seen so many people in similar situations who aren't lucky enough to know they should be done with this in less than a year. I just wish it would stop hurting...
love how I post this and then instantly the next day relapse
me looking round the classroom, hoping no one saw me flinch when the teacher started shouting
What would yall do if you had a younger sibling who hates you, calls you fat and smelly, pretends you don’t exist, hits you, calls you names, and is alltogether toxic but you still have to live with them?
Am I in the wrong for giving them the cold truth and saying that this is how they’re going to lose friends? That some of the people I know have lost friends for being this way?
I don’t know what to do about them anymore. And then my momma is yelling at being for being rude to them. Like, they’re being worse to me. I get that it’s wrong, but she never addresses their horrible behavior.
And she gets mad at me for being in my room all day, on my devices. Like, Im sorry, but I don’t want to be around people who treat me like that. This place and many others are my escapes. None of my friends or family know about this account. (Exception of one sweet girl, @celestiva, we love her <3) and this really is my sweet escape from life.
Sorry for venting. I usually stay away from this type of stuff, but it’s been eating me alive.
I wrote some poetry about autism when I was younger but now looking back on it I don't think I really liked acknowledging the fact that I was disabled by my autism. If anything I was desperate to prove how undisabled I am and now that I'm older and having more frequent meltdowns I'm starting to think I have some sort of complex around accepting the fact that I am in fact developmentally disabled
We had a presentation on fentanyl recently
It made me think about a lot. My grandmother. My mother. Myself
Because of my nervous system dopamine deficiencies I have a higher chance of becoming an addict than most
Even if a drug is barely laced with Fentanyl it can and will probably kill you in an instant
I made a promise to not do drugs of any kind. I plan on keeping that promise
But shit man a 14 year old with ADD dies because he tried to take drugs to relax his symptoms and then dies less than two weeks after getting his hands on said drugs will fuck with me forever