Read, reblog, and resonate!
I'M REALLY GLAD SOMEONE FINALLY SAID THIS because. Ok. Let me yap for a second.
Mentions of NSFW will be in this post! Nothing explicit, but do consider yourself warned!
I need to emphasize that the "yes or no" lines are very tightly connected to the "tell me no" scene! Neil wasn't mentally stable enough to say yes, and Andrew told him to say no, and he didn't. That didn't make it a yes; it meant Neil was idling too much to care enough to say no. See the line right after that:
"I won't be like them. I won't let you be me."
I used to (~2021) see this line mentioned often around AFTG spaces but haven't as much recently. It's also a line that tears me to shreds every time I read it because holy shit. As I see it, Andrew is referring to Drake – and maybe others? – as the "them" and himself as... a victim. He doesn't say it outright, and I doubt he ever would, but it's as close as he can get to saying, "I'm not going to push this because I refuse to break your boundaries like mine were broken before."
Now, besides how painful that line is. Andrew asks permission before he initiates something new if Neil hasn't given an explicit sign that it's okay. The "yes or no" isn't for every touch, nor should it be. They established already what can and can't be touched, and they don't need to ask again. They also established that they're both capable of shutting it down if they need to (see: Andrew throwing Neil off during their first kiss when he realized it went too far).
There are three instances of a "yes or no" between Andrew and Neil in The King's Men:
1. Their second kiss, in chapter ten – Neil asks Andrew where he's allowed to touch him, and Andrew says he's still waiting for a yes or no that he actually believes. Neil says yes, and they kiss.
2. Their third kiss and first time going past that, in chapter eleven – besides it being their first time doing anything sexual, this was also the first time Andrew fully initiated it. Neil approached him in chapter ten; here, Andrew flicked a can tab at him and then asked.
3. When Andrew gave Neil a blowjob, in chapter fifteen – again, asking when it's a new thing. This scene is also important because Neil responds with "it's always 'yes' with you," and Andrew instantly shuts him down.
The "it's always 'yes' with you" line is also super important because of how quickly Andrew shuts it down. He knows it's not always yes, and he refuses to tie Neil to an "always" that would essentially take away his ability to revoke consent. Even if Neil trusts him enough to be willing to let him go further, there are still times he would say no, and Andrew knows it.
But they don't ask for every touch. By the end of TKM, they don't ask for kissing, biting, or undressing. They ask when it's new territory, when a boundary is being pushed at or questioned.
It's worth noting also that Andrew also didn't ask permission to touch himself while around Neil, even though that was technically new. I assume this is because it was Andrew on himself without directly involving Neil, therefore not really forcing him into anything. There was also already a firm "yes" in that scene, and they tend to take a "yes" as continous until that specific encounter ends or someone says no. (Hence, the "yes" to a kiss continuing to a handjob in TKM chapter 11.)
There are far more examples of them touching, kissing, etc. without asking, but every time they ask, it's Andrew asking for something new.
(Also, Neil asks permission to touch Andrew, but he never asks that specific "yes or no" phrase that is so overused; that's all Andrew.)
can i be so real with y'all
i understand that "yes or no" is like a huge andreil thing in fics, but i get so tired of them asking yes or no every other sentence. i think they say it like twice in the book like most of the time they do touch each other without explicitly asking
anyway
obviously write what you want this isn't meant as criticism i just think it's overused