Online Learning - Blog Posts

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There's so many new cases in my state. K-12 got a week long spring break. It ends Monday, and I'm honestly so worried about returning to in person instruction. A lot of families travelled and didn't take proper precautions. There's going to be rapid testing for most K-12 before spring break ends, but I'm worried because it's only so accurate and it's voluntary. I'm fully vaccinated, but some of these kids are high risk because of asthma and diabetes and other health conditions. I'll survive if I'm jobless or my substitute teaching hours are cut again, but these kids struggle so much with online learning. My suffering in fully online college is only a glimpse into what they go through. My heart goes out to them. I think we're going to have another shutdown soon. It's completely necessary, but still hard.

My mental health has taken such a large shit as of late. This week needed to be productive as hell and I'm barely barely barely keeping up with what needs to happen. I'm working 4 full days next week and I have 3 group meetings and 1 class presentation and 1 group report on an experiment and all the other shit I've been dealing with. Online school is kicking my ass y'all

Any tips for dealing with a parent who won't acknowledge your accomplishments? Tonight was my university's honors convocation. I sent my mom a link to the YouTube video (it was a virtual ceremony) and told her the time my picture came on the screen. She read it and never said anything. It's been about 2 hours. I was actually proud of myself, but now I'm bummed out. It's like when she said she would go to my K-12 band concerts and then I'd look for her in the audience and she wouldn't be there because she "forgot" or something like that.

One of the very few things I'll miss about online learning is being able to audibly cuss and throw things while taking difficult tests

Officially caught up on all my sick work!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Now to tackle this week's activities that mostly accumulated on this weekend 🙃

Also, I use google docs as a planner because my online classes are hard to manage with their random postings and due dates and changes. I normally don't need to do this, but the rainbow highlighting at the top was part of a list of everything I needed to do this week (I am doing the work for this week and last week). I color coded it for each day to help break it up.

I can actually read my notes for once!

Today I:

●went to a virtual comp class that was a total waste of time

●partially caught up on week 8 module videos for my stats class

●added the video content to my running review for the stats class

●went to a virtual 2 hour group meeting for that stats class (so unnecessarily long and dumb)

●took a practice quiz

●started some practice problems

●studied outside! (For a little bit- still quarantined so it was in my backyard and there's very little shade and the umbrella isn't big enough to accommodate sun movements)

What I got done today:

●read a chapter (late)

●pre wrote for an essay (late)

●wrote a draft (late)

●read an excerpt for class tomorrow

●peer edited an essay that needs to be done by tomorrow

●wrote a discussion post (late)

●wrote a reply post (late)

●finalized an activity I need to test on a pretend student (my little sis)

●made a plan for catching up and keeping up this week after being sick + emailed all my professors

I feel kinda proud that I toughed it out. Still have a headache and sore throat, but significantly less coughing and just an on and off again low grade fever. I'll live and just need to buckle down and get my homework done.

I was very sick and had to be admitted to the ER Tuesday night. I had a really high heart rate and fever so they told me to treat it as covid despite negative results. I am quarantined now and was told to take it easy and not stress out over things. I already emailed my professors that I will check in on Monday on how to better catch up and keep up. I just started making a list of all that I need to do and I'm beyond stressed out. More is going to be added to that list as this week's modules are posted. I'm also in 2 group projects. I feel pretty OK right now. It just feels like a cold. I'm just getting very stressed. I know it's just a matter of buckling down and cranking out work, but it's a daunting task. Wish me luck.

I've been a mess lately, but it's a good kind of mess. I actually felt ~happy~ yesterday. It was a foreign feeling. I've been trying to catch myself feeling happy or proud of myself. It's the same idea as trying to catch kids being good instead of catching kids when they're being bad. I had a really good day at work yesterday. Driving home I was a bit stressed, but I heard some great feedback and I was just on cloud 9... well compared to stressy and depressy. I really needed that with the pandemic, online classes, weird hybrid subbing, my grandma, and just everything else.

Hey I've been like incredibly swamped lately so sorry for being absent.

I actually have been working a lot, but this week I only worked on Monday (I was so incredibly off that day for no reason and I made some really bad mistakes such as saying shit in front of sheltered middle schoolers when I got locked outside of the building when the door became unpropped and I let them out to break up the weird hybrid schedule and also kinda losing 4 kids but they just twisted my directions to go for a walk around the school... those incidents shouldn't have happened). I normally have Tuesdays off because of my inconveniently timed composition class. I took Wednesday off to get ahead for school (would have gotten more done if I didn't get blown out cuz CANVAS glitched the literal second I submitted my high stakes midterm). Tomorrow, Thursday I get my second dose in the morning. I had a kinda bad reaction to the first shot (actually was like the second dose with swollen lymph nodes, low grade fever, exhausted, headache, dizzy, just overall feeling bad) for 48 hours and then still a little out of it for another 48 hours. Fingers crossed this dose goes much smoother. Just in case it doesn't, I have everything done that is due before Sunday at midnight. I also got my mom to drive me to my appointment tomorrow cuz I damn near passed out at the place and driving home (i dont do well with shots if you can tell but they're so important and I wouldn't risk not getting it).

I've been doing in person subbing, which is a big jump for me. It's a lot more stressful because I'm constantly reminding middle schoolers to pull their masks up and to give each other a little more space. Their behavior also got a lot worse because they haven't been in person for nearly a year. However, they really needed this. It just sucks that they're being put in this position. Getting the first dose made me feel a little better, although I walk in with a thing of wipes, two masks, hand sanitizer, a pack of back up masks, and no lunch (they've been shoving kids into classrooms to eat because the lunch rooms are tiny). Wish me luck!

School has been a bit chaotic. I had to take a couple days off to recover from the first dose of the vaccine (I'm notoriously bad about shots). While I'm so incredibly grateful that I could get it, I was knocked out for 2 whole days and am behind.

72 hours of chaos:

●read a chapter + notes + watched necessary videos and presentations

●graphic organizer activity for this (past) week (mind map with bubbl.us or whatever that took too long)

●discussion readings + post + reply

●19 page assignment

●"long term assignment" that was a 4-5 page essay in response to an article that I did within 12 hours

●170 minutes of stats videos + notes

●initial contribution for stats group project

●lots of essay revising for a comp class + submission

●reading this week's essay for comp class and prepared notes

●shoveling my corner house and my grandma's house *twice*

I wish I could say that tomorrow is going to be better, but it's not :/

My region is currently being pummeled by a snow storm and I'm going to have to get up early early to shovel 7-12 inches of snow before my online comp class and another grueling day of online learning while my grandma is currently dying alone in a hospital with a positive covid test along with many other health issues

~It's fine. Everything is fine~

Today and yesterday were school-free days. I got my first dose yesterday morning (!) But I ended up having a shitty reaction. I had a headache, low grade fever, aches + chills, fatigue, and a little dizziness. I'm better now and that's honestly how I respond to a majority of vaccines. I just took a couple days off to relax too. I'm so relieved I got that first dose though. I'm literally so glad.

Forcing your college age students to watch your own personally developed videos on group work is not effective. Plz reblog cuz I'm literally so puzzled by what she thought this was going to solve. We've already done 2 discussions on how to approach group work. We're watching videos on group roles and expectations and consequences and such. I agree it needs to be touched on, but I don't think this much is age appropriate. I'm truly irked by this blatant waste of my time. I know how to do group work. I'm going into teaching and I literally know how to facilitate group work with even the most... childish... of people.

Studying with the boys (my trees Monty and Ray and my doggo Teddy and my succulents and cacti). I'm really not in the mood to study, but it needs to happen.

Yesterday was a very tough day. I cried a bunch. My grandma gave up and they're moving her from the rehab portion of the facility to long term. My family is talking about hospice. I had to help my aunt and great aunt find a wedding certificate because they need it to help my grandma claim my grandpa's retirement benefits (he died a little over a month ago but we still cant find it). It was a very hard day. I did a window visit with her (covid) and I called her so we could talk but she dropped the phone and couldn't pick it up. She had to sign some papers for another life insurance claim and it was very hard to watch. She struggled to lift her arms and was crying the whole time but it had to be done by that day. She was so weak she couldn't turn her head to see us. It's hard watching her go because she was like a mother to me. My own mother is just unstable and horrible at parenting. Up until my grandma got cancer, she filled in the holes for my own mother's pathetic excuse for parenting. I lived at her house for a decade and lived nextdoor to her house for nearly another decade. It's hard to let go.

Last night I ended up having another anxiety attack before bed. My heart was beating hard and fast and was uncomfortable. I had a stress rash all over my chest. I couldn't stop crying. I had a hard time breathing. I felt like I was going to throw up. It's just the stress of school + not being able to register for a vaccine + feeling pressure from work to in person sub + my grandpa dying about a month ago + my grandma being in the hospital + my mom being the bipolar and manipulative sociopath she is + the whole pandemic. I feel so inadequate sometimes :/

^Today's set up. Currently reading about online teaching practices.

I'm in a really pissy mood because my dad has been very very very hard to live with as of late. I'm currently in my room with literal ear plugs in and I can still hear the TV blaring. The house has the worst set up and everything is heard everywhere. However, he's a grown ass adult and can go down stairs and watch tv there. I miss the quiet floor of the library so much 😥

Online school is really hard with 3 asynchronous classes and a mostly asynchronous class with 1/2 synchronous. It's been a challenge to manage the work load because everything has different due dates and different module lengths. Also, the due dates change a lot. Hopefully this helps (example week too far ahead to completely fill in)?

Today was crunch day and was finished off with the first anxiety attack of the semester... heheh so much for a less stressful semester

Unfortunately, I actually studied a lot more than what is displayed (just didn't start the app). I'm incredibly stressed out. I'm not a writer by any means. Some people have math anxiety, but I swear I have essay anxiety. I had to write an "essay by example"... but that doesn't make sense to me. It was very unclear what was meant by "essay by example" so I tried a persuasive essay that highlighted individual examples to refute a really dumb prompt. Idk. I missed the first 1.5 weeks of the class and feel lost. She wouldn't extend the first draft due date for me by even a few hours. I turned in the most garbage essay of my life. I feel like I did the entire assignment wrong.

What I did today:

● finished the other half of a stats module

● made an initial discussion post

● replied to 2 discussion threads

● took a walk in nature with one of my doggos and my sister

● oriented myself for the composition class I joined late (syllabus, directions, assignments, expectations)

● read a couple example essays / instruction in the textbook I finally got

● wrote a 4 page essay that is absolute garbage

● anxiety attack

Definetly not my most productive day. I'm proud of what I got done, but it just wasn't nearly what I needed to do. I'm still bumbed out from yesterday. I'm actually behind schedule this week (not just because I joined a class late). On Wednesday I was too depressed to do any schoolwork and slept and watched videos most of the day. Today I couldn't get focused until about 11am. I woke up somewhat early, but I definetly slept in compared to my schedule last year/pre covid.

What I did today:

● wrote two initial discussion posts (~700 words total)

● replied to a discussion post (another ~300 words)

● got half way through this week's Environmental Statistics module

● attempted to do some affirmations in the mirror today (I have horrible self esteem and body image... it's been particularly bad lately)

With that I'm going to listen to some Headspace and go to bed 😴😴😴

I have this disgusting habit of making weekly to do lists that stress me out and have entirely too much on them and then remaking that list about 2848573 different times. I also do it right before I go to bed to stress myself out. It's hard to stay organized this semester because all my classes are online + post at different times + have different length modules + I have to do things like read a textbook, but obviously there aren't due dates for that specifically.

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Today was productive for being MLK Day.

○ wrote an initial discussion board post (4 solid paragraphs because the questions I had to thoroughly answer required that and my peers also thought so)

○ made 2 replies to that discussion board

○ walked one of my dogs

○ picked up a little coffee treat while socially distancing

○ completed a pre-quiz (I'm not worried so much how I did but more so how it'll be graded and whether I followed her strange uploading and answering directions)

○ cleaned up a laptop a little bit (I'm trying to rehab a dinosaur laptop so I don't have to be as limited by my chromebook)

○ read part of a book of Martin Luther King Junior's essays/speeches I have

Today I am trying to get ahead with my classes. My classes started this past Wednesday and it is now Saturday. I feel very disorganized because my asynchronous classes have me completing modules, but not all of the due dates are posted. It's really hard to find a schedule, but I'm going to set that up today. Today I'm working on:

1) reading curriculum guidelines on online experiences

2) making my initial discussion post about it

3) finding an old algebra or geometry textbook in my basement to help me brainstorm ideas for the 5+ hours of related internet instruction I'll be creating for a class

4) setting up an outline of my first lesson plan

5) reading 2 short chapters for another class

6) watching a presentation

7) looking at a long term assignment

8) making another initial discussion post

*I'd work at my desk but my father currently has Netflix blaring and is snoring. I can still hear literally everything but this is the quietest room in the house. If I go near him I'm probably going to end up screaming at him about how impossible it is to work in this house. My state is currently in full shut down (no indoor dining, no libraries for studying, I'm not allowed on school campus, etc). I guess my room is as good as it gets.

First day of me actually doing school work. I'm really excited but also really nervous for this semester! I'm taking Reading in the Content Areas, Teaching in the Online Environment (how fitting... 😓), Environmental Statistics, and Design and Analysis of Experiment. All my classes are online and 3 are asynchronous. I'm really excited for the two education classes. I'd be lying if I felt confident about the stats classes. I'm not horrible with statistics but there are some red flags about how those courses are set up and I have a really hard time following one of the professors. I know it'll work out, but I'm still worried.