Read, reblog, and resonate!
As got out of my car and bolted for the front door I prayed I wouldn't drop my keys because it was just pouring rain. Every inch of me was already covered by the time I got the door open. I realized I was laughing as I went to go shut it. I thought of you and your smile as I slid down the door frame and god do I miss you.
I think often how we overuse words. And how because of that, words that had potency and weight, sometimes now feel trite or even almost empty, half spoken without conviction. "Beautiful" it's almost as trite and vague as it comes now, it's lost it's meaning. There is no singular word that I can give to you to describe her radiance adequately. There is no word to define the way my heart rushed when her skin touched mine. I thought my heart would never be still again. It may have settled but my feelings sure haven't. It's still racing trying to find some sort of definition. It is like a gnat trying to quantify and calculate the breadth width and height of a mountain or some sort of decimal trying to comprehend all of creation.
Death does not invalidate Life. Death does not seek to destroy you. It is not partial or bias to you.
Our Atoms are not our own. They did not belong to us before our birth. They do not belong to us after our death. They return to the Earth and become apart of everything.
Our Mannerisms are carried on by the people who loved us in life. And our spirits I believe live on forever in love.
Death is no more the enemy of Life. Than a period is the end of a sentence. And that's the nice thing about it. Is even after a sentence ends. Another one can keep going. We keep going.
People will envy your strength and success but not the struggle that brought you to it.
I often have my own moments where I feel like I'm both the storm and the sea that rage all at once. Then a kind soul or comment will come and humble me into nothing more than a paused breath. Reminding me of my place in the shoal of souls that we are. We ebb and flow in and against the direction of all other people. If we all opened our hearts a little more than our egos. I think we could find ourselves in much better places.
We are empty vessels and the hollow casks. Our spirit is the kindling and love is our fire. Burning blazing brilliant. Most other things are cheap substitutes for the kindling of our fires. They are meager, and fleeting. Dying. Love is eternal. So, so are our spirits.
I dreamt of a dark and failing world. Where I met an Artist who wept for his wife. "Oft people believe that better is a lingered life. I tell you different now, which of these would you prefer Rotting or Dying. Dead is better."
And later in this dream a giant disembodied hand that blazed and burned, took the man's aisle and turned it upside down. There he was burned and crucified. Leaving only ashes of an artist and a painting of his wife.
I believe we are apt to see the truth as lies. Lies sometimes are alluring, sweeter to the ear, or easier to believe. We trick even ourselves, justifying them and enabling them. Pain and Anger are the greatest among the liars. They hurt us, so we doubt the truth. We define our Identity by our Truths. I will share with you what I have thought, felt and learned. Love, the complete commitment to the well being and happiness of yourself, another person or people without any condition or modifier. Integrity, the practice of being uncompromised in one's values and actions. Kindness, it is a behavior defined by consideration and concern. It is gentle, and it is generous. We become the truths we believe in. We accept the lives or the lies we agree with. We can choose, more importantly You can choose these things. But do not do this partially, or reluctantly, you have to accept it wholly. It is a challenge and it takes time. I am still learning. But if you allow them to they will change you.
“I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me.
I don’t need you to love me, I love me.
But I want you to know that you could know me,
If you change your mind.” – Rebecca Sugar’s “Steven Universe” (2019)
This is a simple message. But one of the most powerful ones you could and can ever learn. There are many of us who desperately need(ed) this. The message is this. There is nothing wrong with you and who you are. The person you are is worthy of love, respect, and kindness. Not only externally, like from friends, family, and other peers. But also, Internally, from one’s own heart and from the self. I know there are many people who have internalized dysphoria. And they’re restless, tossing, turning and struggling.
The problem is not inborn. It’s developed over a life time. A life time of expectations, and experiences that have lead them to believe that the person they are is not normal, or natural. (For whatever reason, be it the body, blood, mind or spirit or anything else for that matter) And therefore unworthy of grace, love and kindness. However, this is the thing that is not normal. Despite this it has become the standard. A lie, A fatal flaw that now reigns over lives. A single idea of confirming normality. Do not dehumanize your spirit. You do not have to justify your existence. We are not extensions of a society. Strike that reverse it. Society is an extension of us. And if you have felt in any way; ignored, harmed, slandered, disenfranchised or have been left with any other negative emotion, you are not at fault, you are not to blame. You have not committed a failure. It is the collective idea of “Us” that has failed you.
A Simple Message, A Thesis, A Conversation.
You are worthy of love.