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Mentalheathawareness - Blog Posts
I recognize that my level of depression is not clinical, but GOD do I experience depressive symptoms
Linktree: https://linktr.ee/artsyxabbyx
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Oh my god I’m 21 now what the hell
Hi I’m Abby! Hope y’all are doing well! I’m a 20 year old Musician, Twitch streamer and YouTuber that enjoys writing music, poetry, playing video games, and watching horror movies. I’m an all inclusive, sarcastic, and all-around chaotic influencer, I have too many types of content (but that’s mostly over on tiktok💀) I’m working 2 jobs on top of performing music and streaming but I always make time for new friends!
https://linktr.ee/ArtsyAbby advocation tree
https://linktr.ee/artsyxabbyx socials only free
https://linktr.ee/artsyxabbyx
https://linktr.ee/ArtsyAbby
Hello! I’m Abby! I’m known by Artsy Abby and I’m a mental health advocate as well as social justice fighter. I raise awareness for world issues and a provide links to articles so people can educate themselves on the subject as well as petitions and relief funds for people in need. I have a lot of links in groups based on events and times. For example, as a member of both the LGBTQ+ and POC communities, I’ve got a lot of links that are relevant right now I’ve added to those specific sections. I also have spreadsheets for peaceful protests depending on event (BLM, Roe v Wade, so on and so forth), state/country and affordable therapy (both singular and group). Those can all be found in my linktree attached below.
On top of all that, I’m an influencer and rising musician! I wanted to use my platform for good, and my lyrics always touch on something that people can relate to. Wether it’s mental health struggles, love, feeling alone, you name it, I’ve got a song for that. I want people to know that they’re not alone.
I am currently looking for a studio to record in and a management team or maybe find some sort of agency to work with! I think I have a lot of potential and would love for others to see that.
I just released my third album, Mixed Signals, it’s currently being put on all platforms and I would love to know what y’all think! Here is the link for Apple Music https://music.apple.com/us/album/mixed-signals/1631347119
Here is where you’ll find all my socials, petitions, articles, and so much more. I’ve got it nice and organized: https://linktr.ee/ArtsyAbby
Here is my YouTube, where I post my music and my gaming: https://youtube.com/channel/UCG4RdjmhnqA-fp88EhuesHg
My YouTube music (which is NOT the same as regular YouTube): https://music.youtube.com/channel/UCgtClBsNdPFpVH2pw4R3TRQ
Here’s where you can buy my merch! https://streamlabs.com/artsyabbyplays/merch
My LGBTQ Line merch! https://store.streamelements.com/artsyabbyplays
My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/artsyxabbyx
My Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/4v2v1GQWuknZTPYNqVWq0H?si=KO6Wh2zCTSGX912fNKSaLQ
My apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/artsy-abby/1618955058
My tiktok: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdPLUgja/
My insta: https://www.instagram.com/its.artsy.abby/?r=nametag
We hit a milestone! And I forgot to screenshot the 150k itself 😭😭 but still!
Just raising awareness for the stream I’ve been planning! 6pm EST on January 15th!
The many stages of depression: (TW)
Depression is one of those feelings that a lot of people have experienced at least sometimes in their lives. It is quite correct to state that everyone at one point in their life have been through it or will go through it. Some get depressed more than others; it could be due to environment, abuse, loss, bullying, mental disorders, stress, poor health, etc.
It is something widely experienced but not widely explained. The mystery of why depression happens to certain people can boil down to their psychological state but should not be considered the single parameter for its existence. Depression like cancer can happen to anyone regardless of any amount of money, status, love or psycological wellness they have. And like Cancer you can't just tell someone with depression to just ignore it or say they are overreacting.
As someone who goes through bouts of seasonal depression and lives in a place where depression is not even considered "real". I have broken down depression according to personal experience into 5 stages.
I am not a medical professional ( I do want to become a psychologist) or someone who can give advice on this topic. But as a patient of depression for around 2 years I can give a little insight into it. Just because I said there are 5 stages doesn’t mean it has to be these stages only, or in the same order.
Here it goes:
1. Anger: just like the stages of grief I always thought the 1st step towards depression starts with anger. It could be outbursts, sudden rage, irritation, annoyance, physical reactions such as intensive urge to kick or punch something (I always have days when I want to burn buildings down and kill my classmates). These reactions can be due to the sudden change in mentality we get before full blown depression kicks in. When we just hate every thing. Everything is stupid. Everyone is being annoying. One of our 1st reactions to anything upsetting is to be mad about it. Depression is not an exception. Anger is where you start. When you start to blame everything around your for causing the pain you are going through. This stage is very important, it is always good to take out your anger before it becomes too much. During this stage I am at my peak of annoyance and can be diabolical.
2. Paranoia: the stage that continues what anger started. This is when realisation kicks in that something is wrong in your mind. You can become paranoid of everything around you. Why is my friend ignoring me for 5 minutes? Why did my parents became quiet when I walked in? Why does it feel like someone is watching me? Why can’t I trust anyone? This is when you are at your peak in terms of insanity. I have been in this stage for the most part of my depressive episodes. Especially as an intuitive, paranoia can be disturbing and harmful to your mental health. It makes you question silly things that don’t even matter for the sake of increasing your blood pressure and start to isolate you from social life. That’s where stage 3 will come
3. Withdrawal: not the withdrawal due to addiction. This is when you start isolating yourself from others. Paranoia put the seed of doubt in your mind about people and how you don’t want them to be near you. People can be a problem sometimes. And this stage is just what being isolated means. This is also the stage people are the most familiar with, because it is often what depression is portrayed as: isolating yourself from other humans as way to build a wall to protect yourself from what paranoia caused. During this time I stop taking calls from my friends, family, anyone. I stop messaging or replying. I often stopped eating with family or having lunch at school with my friends. As an introvert this stage isn’t even that hard, but there is a difference between the choice of isolating yourself because you don’t like to be around strange people and the want to isolate from people you care about.
4. Sadness: the most well known stage of depression, some people mistake it for the definition of depression, which is so wrong. After isolating yourself, you become vulnerable. This is that stage of vulnerability and mostly when people start to have negative thoughts (suicidal thoughts). Sadness itself can’t be explained that well, other than that it leads negativity, hopelessness and the lack of interest in anything cheerful. When I get into this stage, my depression is the most apparent to other people. This is when my mom steps in and ask if things are wrong. And I say #fine when I am so not. Sadness can manifest in tears, coldness, increased self awareness, intrusive and harmful thoughts etc. This is one of the hardest and longest stages to overcome. Yet not as harmful as the next one…
5. Numbness: let me deep breathe before this……this is the most dangerous stage of depression. Every stage before this one had some sort of emotion in it. Anger, paranoia, withdrawn, sadness. But Numbness is the lack of any emotion that can be experienced, even negative ones. You lose all your hope. All your wishes and goals. Everything becomes a barren wasteland of nothingness. The lack of emotions is the worst thing that can happen to you. Just like how you die when your heart stops beating, having numbness to emotions will as in many cases lead to death. Unfortunately, this is the stage when most suicides take places. The inability to have any interest in life and getting overwhelmed from the fact you stopped living the moment you stopped feeling. Have I been in this stage? Yes. But since I am alive there must be a way out of it.
When I said 5 stages of depression, it was meant for those who sadly ended their lives because of it. Stage 6 is for those who made it out alive.
6. Acceptance: again like the stages of grief Depression ends with acceptance. Accepting your problems (I am the problem it's me!), accepting yourself as a problem, accepting help from people who care for you and accepting the little hope left deep down. If you made it to this stage, you are capable of doing anything you want.
Note: You are worth it! (Can't believe I AM saying this) And if you are going through depression or anything related to that, remember that one of reasons to stay alive is to pull revenge on all the people you hate. Maybe in future you can show your haters that the reason they hate you is beacuse of how strong willed you are. You don't have to prove your talents. You don't have to accomplish things to justify your existence. You are here for nobody but yourself. Be selfish, be a bitch and live out the best life there is.
Trigger warning: ED
As someone suffering from ED. It's really triggering to have those "health check ups" at school. And guess what, mine is back AGAIN. On top of that, the way people talk about weight and body image so insensitivly can make you go back to old habits. Today I heard so many people talk about their weight that I started to feel so anxious about mine. When anyone asked me I didn't say. I just feel like if you do have health check ups, it should be only the person and a teacher and not all the students watching, making fun and comments on others appearance.
I have had BDD since I was 11 or even younger due to certain comments in my family. I have had ED since I was 14. It's not easy. But I know I am not alone.
TW: suicide attempt
A year ago, tonight was the night, I tried to kill myself by overdosing on my antidepressant and antianxiety medication.
There are a lot of parallels between that night and tonight: I was alone in my room, I had smoked, I thought about how lonely I am even after being surrounded by people I love and who love me.
I was stuck in an overthinking loop that night, I just couldn't get out of it. My mind kept on telling me that there's only one way to end it so that's what I did. I tried to end everyone's misery (I thought I was a burden on everyone, that they would be better off without me) so I did what I did.
I ended up being a burden.
I got into emergency, then ICU, which was the loneliest I've ever felt.
After being at home, listening to my parents taunting me every chance they got, I kind of got better.
I'm not always happy but I'm also not crying my eyes out every night.
I'm just okay. Getting by.
I thought I'll cry tonight but nothing so far. Does that mean I've grown? Or am I stronger? Or I just don't care anymore.
I feel personally attacked by this…
long therapy waiting list said “Maybe…be a little sicker next time???!!!”
Hahahaha… I’m gonna cry now. 🥲
