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INTP during an apocalypse:
INTP: Finally, something interesting! This could kill half the population! Including me! I can't believe people are scared of this! This is the best thing that ever happened to me! I can use the hours of apocalypse training I did instead of swimming lessons!
ISFJ: *concerned stare and judges quietly*
Me: I want friends
*People become friends with me*
Me: Not like that
If INTP was in The Office:
INTP: My job as a sales person made me realise how much I hate people
(Looks sideways from camera at the cameraman)
INTP: I hate when people are prying into my life.....cuz guess what? I have nothing interesting in it....except Pam, Pam is awesome.
(Gets questioned if he likes Pam)
INTP: No, not really. I like her a lot, which is surprising since I don't like many people here *mouths Angela*
INTP: now Pam and I are good friends, I do believe she hates her fiance tho...but what can I do about it?
(Gets questioned about his work)
INTP: I come late everyday, Dwight is always mad at me being late, I don't care much. I check in my computer and play Pac man while talking to stupid clients like an idiot selling paper which won't be useful in a future paperless world.
INTP: then I take a 2 hour break and pretend to be friends with Micheal to justify my 2 hour break.
INTP: I have lunch in my car so I won't have to see Kevin eating 4 tuna sandwiches in one go.
INTP: I spend time with Toby, he is like the only normal person here. We sit down and mumble about our misery.
INTP: I hate Andy, he is so annoying, I have to hide in the bathroom to avoid his constant brags about Cornell. I mean I went to Yale, and now I am a paper salesman *shrugs* this is always how it ends.
(Gets questioned about Jim and Pam)
(Looks at the camera)
INTP: everyone knows they are in love. It's not even a question at this point.
An INTP view of life: part 2
ESFJ: how was school today?
INTP: the usual. I slept through 4 classes, aced the history quiz and skipped P.E by staying in library to "research"
ESFJ: ok, did you make any friends?
INTP: there was this girl in English class who thought my comment on the teacher was really funny.
ESFJ: So you made a friend!
INTP: no I offended her next minute by saying it was really amazing that she could decipher a joke like that.
ESFJ: You know what? You shouldn't try at all
INTP: that's what I keep saying!
...........................................
INFJ: If you look at him more closely it's clear he is in love.
INTP: But the face he is making isn't emotional enough. That's how I look when I wake up in the morning
INFJ: but then the girl told him he has to wait for her!
INTP: which is why he looks like he is in pain
INFJ: then we found out from the inner monologue that he never loved her.
INTP: he was just using her
INFJ: That is so...
INTP: interesting!
INFJ: I was gonna say sad, but ok.
INTP: maybe we are looking too much into it.
INFJ: overthinking is our job.
..........................................
ESFP: ....blah....blah....blah...I went to the room and saw him....blah....blah....no he said...I made dessert.....we laughed so hard.
INTP: hmmm... (what is she talking about?)
ESFP: then she started to complain about her best friend again...like girl if you don't like them don't be friends with them!
INTP: yeah (why I am I even here?)
ESFP: I can't believe he said that to me....that is so rude *cries*
INTP: (she didn't stick with the script, she is crying, what do I do?) There there...*pats ESFP*
ESFP: You are like my favourite person! You are such a great listener. Such a great friend!
INTP: Sure
..........................................
ISTJ: hey you need to clean the room.
INTP: I thought you were doing it.
ISTJ: we share a room. You have to clean your part.
INTP: well if it isn't your part of the room, you don't have to worry about it.
ISTJ: *triggered* but as humans we should keep our surroundings clean and neat.
INTP: are you a human?
ISTJ: yes.
INTP: How do you know? What if this is all a dream and you are just a butterfly that is imagining all these things. Maybe I am not real and just a figment of your imagination. What if you are in a coma and your brain is.....
ISTJ: I'll clean your side. If you just shut your mouth and don't open it again.
INTP: I can do that. Thanks.
...........................................
An INTP view of life: part 1
ENFJ: good morning my sunshine!
INTP: I just went to sleep.
ENFJ: It's 11 Am
INTP: time is an illusion.
.....................................
ESTJ: you have got to start your work.
INTP: nah
ESTJ: you have six hours till the deadline
INTP: six hours! I learned morse code in that time during a flight.
...........................
ISTP: you know we can conserve more energy and live longer if we don't move
INTP: I guess so. You wanna live longer?
ISTP: are you kidding?
INTP: yeah, I know living is the root of all our problems.
ISTP: wait, what exactly is our problem?
...................................
INFP: sometimes I see my reflection and feel sacred that no one will know the real me.
INTP: interesting
INFP: that I will live in a world full people who don't understand the reason of existence.....that we might have nothing to live for.....that everything is worthless
INTP: are you having an existential crisis?
INFP: yes...
INTP: happens to me six times a week, here have some tea.
INFP: maybe you understand me.
INTP: I am very good with people's thinking, I see through them.I just don't like to go near them. How about you don't hug me?
......................................
ENTJ: I will become the absolute best version of myself!
INTP: so you mean, you are not the best?
ENTJ: the best version of MYSELF
INTP: so there's a lame you, a cool you, a stupid you, a nice you....wait nice one doesn't exist
ENTJ: when I will be incharge I will make sure you rot in a dungeon
INTP: well that's where the best ideas come from. I don't mind it.
ENTJ: I can't believe you infuriate and amuse me at the same time.
Interviewer: so how do you feel like speaking right now?
INTP: I don't feel anything. I was told I will get 50 bucks for this.
Interviewer: haha really? You gave this interview just for the money?
INTP: of course, I would not talk to you if I wasn't paid for it.
Interviewer:....lets go to the first question. When do you wake up in the morning?
INTP: if I have to go to work 8 am and if I don't then 12 pm
Interviewer: and when do you sleep?
INTP: it depends on my caffeine level and current hobbies. A lot of all nighters if watching a new T.V show.
Interviewer: what's your favourite food?
INTP: anything that can be cooked with minimal cooking skills and effort
Interviewer: favourite season?
INTP: winter or autumn
Interviewer: favourite movie?
INTP: I can't choose one
Interviewer: favourite book?
INTP: don't go there.
Interviewer: what is your biggest dream in life?
INTP: I want to do something for the humanity.
Interviewer: that's nice
INTP: the lack of humanity in today's world baffles me. I thought I was aloof. But if everyone is like the people around me, even I want to help them.
Interviewer: how would you help humanity?
INTP: by destroying the humanity before humans destory each other and let the animals and plants live in peace.
Interviewer:....oh big dreams! Last question, how was your childhood like?
INTP: I grew up being paraded as a gifted child with intellect and curiousity. I didn't have friends and avoided any social situation. As I grew I realised my talents aren't valued by others and my mind was too fast for them. I slowed down and accepted that I am a medicore genius and my parents had lied to me about my abilities. I recently dropped out of college and adopted nihilism to make myself feel better about my failures and disappointments.
Interviewer: that's bad...
INTP: it doesn't matter much to me. My mom always told me I will end up in a jail or asylum. So life's been okay.