Hans Gruber X Reader - Blog Posts

This was a fun read! The palm kiss had me melting 🫠

Warnings: Violence, guns, hostage situations, and ambiguous angsty ending.

Pairings: Hans Gruber x Female Reader, Reader uses She/Her pronouns

Word Count: 2,300+

Summary: Hans is carrying out his infamous heist when his attention is captured by Nakatomi Corporation's secretary.

AN: I was watching South Park and Hans Gruber was there... the new chapter of Jasmine and Rose will be out sometime next week... hopefully. Please excuse the gap in updates, I was in Ireland. Excuse spelling errors and incorrect translations, I don't speak German.

̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿ ☆ ‿̩͙‿ ༺ ♰ ༻ ‿̩͙‿

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Christmas Day couldn’t have been going any better for Hans Gruber. Currently packed into a van like sardines with his crew, Hans and his men awaited their arrival at Nakatomi Plaza. There was nothing quite like being crammed into a van with several men that made you appreciate the smell of fresh air like never before.

Once the van came to a stop, he exited, happy to at least be out of the van’s sweaty confines. Standing there with his hands in his warm pockets, Hans waited for the all-clear from Karl and Theo. Once they had radioed in, confirming the security systems were down, he led his men expertly throughout the maze of the building. It was as if he had walked this very path hundreds of times despite never stepping foot in Nakatomi Plaza before, it was the mark of a true criminal mastermind, unwavering confidence that could get him anywhere he desired with so much as a smile and an arch of his eyebrow. 

Theo had ensured that every possible exit from the tower was now inaccessible, escalators, phone lines, and cameras were all powered off after he’d shut every gate. Power would still be supplied to ensure that, outwardly, everything looked fine. To be truthful, Theo was a smart boy, he had a mouth on him, sure, but Hans was sure he could make something meaningful with his life, god knows why he resorted to a life of crime, not that it was his business but he felt that out of everyone in his crew, Theo stuck out the most, he didn’t belong there, he belonged in some fancy college as a computer science major or something other. 

Shaking his head to clear his wandering thoughts he stepped into the elevator with his posse, humming softly to himself, he let his thoughts wander once more. So far, their plans were going off without a hitch, soon enough he’d be known as the man who robbed six hundred forty million dollars worth of bearer bonds right from underneath Nakatomi Corp’s noses, serves them right for their greed. Smirking to himself, he couldn’t help but imagine what he was going to do with his money, perhaps a nice vacation in Tahiti.

A soft ping rang out signaling they reached their desired floor, bringing Hans out of his thoughts, the noise was quickly drowned out by the loud party which had yet to notice them. Stepping out of the elevator first, Hans looked around before catching sight of the secretary who was seated at her desk engrossed in a Vogue Magazine, walking up to her flanked by his heavily armed men, catching her attention, he winked at her.  

Immediately, her eyes widened in fear as she glanced at the guns, gasping softly, Hans shushed her with a finger against his lips and a sultry smile. Stepping in front of the crowd, he let his men surround him from behind before Karl fired a warning shot into the air, screams from the party-goers filled the once joyful room causing everyone to fall into a fit of hysteria. He allowed his men a couple of minutes to gather everyone in the middle of the room, gesturing for the pretty secretary to do the same. Rolling his shoulders, he reached into the breast pocket of his suit and opened his notebook before raising his hand up in a “stop” motion. Effectively quieting the crowd, he cleared his throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen,” Hans spoke, looking almost annoyed by the noise, the crowd quickly fell silent not wanting to anger their new captor. “Due to the Nakatomi Corporation's legacy of greed around the globe, They’re about to be taught a lesson on the use of real power. You will be witnesses. If our demands are not met, however-” he paused frowning sadly, as if to mock them. He spoke quickly with ease and yet, Hans couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering back to the secretary.

“You may become participants instead.” He said in a noticeably more grim tone. Checking his notebook, he broke eye contact with her and inhaled deeply, searching the crowd. “Now, where is...'Takagi'? Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi, born Kyoto, 1937…” 

Stepping closer to the crowd, everyone took a step back in fear as Hans eyed them like a panther selecting its next meal, every so often glancing back at the woman. Toying with them almost lazily, he spoke cooly, inspecting the crowd, “Family emigrated to San Pedro, California, 1939. Interned at Manzanar, 1942 to 1943. Scholarship student, University of California, 1955. Law degree, Stanford, 1962. MBA, Harvard, 1970. President, Nakatomi Trading. Vice chairman, Nakatomi Investment Group.” Taking a breath, he inspected an older man curiously, pretending as if he didn’t know Mr Takagi was right behind him. 

“Enough,” Mr Takagi said, pushing his way closer to Hans. 

“And father of five,” Hans said turning around slowly to meet Mr. Takagi’s gaze, his face remained impassive, not giving away any clues as to what kind of captor the employees of Nakatomi Corp would be dealing with.

Looking at him, Mr. Takagi, no doubt scared, tried to keep a blank face under Hans’s scrutiny, “I am Takagi,” he said, managing to keep his voice from wavering.

Hans extended his hand and spoke civilly as if he wasn't indirectly holding them all at gunpoint, “How do you do?  It’s a pleasure to meet you,” after shaking his hand, Hans gestured to the elevator. Before giving Mr Takagi a choice to follow his directions, Karl pushed him towards the elevator forcefully.

Walking back up to the front of the room, Hans stopped in front of the secretary he was eying earlier, “Hm, a beautiful woman like you working as a mere secretary is preposterous. Mein Schatz, you deserve to be on a beach somewhere enjoying the sun,” Hans said circling her with sadistic joy painted on his face.

Looking at Hans with clear fear in her eyes, she didn’t respond, flinching slightly when he leaned closer to her, holding her breath in fear of angering him, she looked around at her fellow coworkers silently begging for help.

“Put your hands up, mein Schatz,” he said teasingly, enjoying the fear-stricken expression on her face as she followed his orders. Trailing a finger along the curvature of her hip, he smirked devilishly.

Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, the woman smiled arching an eyebrow at Hans as she slowly and teasingly put her hands up, “You wouldn’t hurt me would you?”

Even Hans’s very own men were shocked by this woman’s unusual behavior, one second she looked like she was about to burst into tears and now she was… smiling? Glancing at each other warily, they watched their boss flirt with the secretary.

“Absolutely not, that would be an unforgivable crime, a waste of the world’s most beautiful gem even,” Hans smiled admiring the woman’s beauty. Glancing at her hands, reached out for her hand so he could inspect her rather large wedding ring glinting in the light, anybody with working eyes could see it, the sheer magnificence of the diamond ensured that. “Married, hmph, must be one lucky bastard, huh? Does he treat you well mein Schatz?” he grinned from ear to ear, stepping closer to her.

“He’s truly awful. So much so he left me alone for a week,” she snipped, suddenly turning sour before turning away from him with an indignant huff. 

She was certainly feisty.

Did she not realize who he was? Or see the guns? Either blind or stupid they confluded, about to place bets on which of the two it was, Hans’s men saw him frown and make a sudden move, drawing their attention back to him.

Standing up to his full height, Hans moved closer to her taking her hand in his once more to turn her back around before placing his finger under her chin and tilting it upwards.

“I’m sorry Mein Schatz, I beg of you, please forgive me for this grave sin I have committed,” breaking his playfully flirtatious character, Hans frowned, reaching out to stroke her cheek with his thumb.

“Begging are we? I thought you were above that…” snickering softly, she leaned into his caress. 

Cheeky little minx…

“Meine kleine Schauspielerin, I see our time apart has not dulled your quick tongue, you’re still as mouthy as ever, meine Gattin” Hans growled playfully.

Did he just say… meine Gattin… as in… my wife?

Now his men truly were confused, this, this woman- you- you were his wife?!

“Was I believable?” you smiled smugly, purring into his ear seductively.

“I’m afraid your rather expensive tastes gave you away mein Schatz, the Vogue Magazine, your clothing choices, and not to mention your… ring…” holding your hand up to his lips, he pressed a kiss to your palm before pulling you closer.

Cupping his cheeks, you leaned forward and kissed him passionately, slowly trailing one of your hands down his chest. Pulling away, you spoke breathlessly.

“I missed you, you know the last thing I’d ever do is take off my ring,” you said sincerely. Despite your playful snark and attitude, everyone witnessing your little show of intimacy was able to tell just how deeply in love you two were with each other, the love in both your eyes was proof enough. 

“You’re a needy little thing, one week without my presence and you become all lovey-dovey. I won’t lie, I do like this side of you though Schatzi,” basking in your affection, Hans wrapped his arms around your waist, pressing you tightly up against his chest. 

He may be a criminal but he was still a gentleman, pressing a kiss to your forehead he paid no mind to his gawking crew or even Mr. Takagi. Your happiness was his number one concern and he could care less whether or not his men agreed, they were all replaceable anyway.

Gently running your fingers over the lapel of his suit you gazed up at him curiously with a teasing smirk, “Is this new? John… Phillips London is it?”

“You truly are my wife, yes, yes it is. Do you like it? I had it made in your favorite color,” he said with a smirk, placing a hand over hers.

“I think it looks rather dashing on you, though, I’d much rather see you without anything on,” tugging on his suit playfully, you leaned forward to whisper in his ear with a vexing grin.

Used to your seductive antics by now, Hans rolled his eyes before taking your hand in his to stop your hand from wandering, “Geduld, mein Schatz. I don’t perform well in front of audiences.”

“There doesn’t have to be an audience, I know of a couple conference rooms that are no doubt empty right now..” you said under your breath in a sultry tone, one which you knew would get him to bend to your will.

Clearly, under your spell, Hans’s will to resist was starting to waver, he considered himself impenetrable and unwaverable when it came to most things, but when you were involved? Forget it, all sense of rationale was thrown out of the window. As he was considering your offer, Karl cleared his throat trying desperately to get the attention of his boss as he and Theo were now ready to head up to the safe. Theo, knowing the safe would take a long time to crack, was eager to get started as soon as possible.

“Herr Gruber…” Karl paused, unsure of how to address you, “Frau… Gruber, sorry to interrupt your… reunion… but we must get going if we want to stay on schedule,” he said softly, trying not to come off as rude in front of his short-tempered boss. 

Narrowing his eyes at Karl, Hans glared at him before turning back around to face you. “Unfortunately, I must get back to work mein Schatz. Why don’t you go sit pretty at your desk and when I’m done I’ll give you your Christmas present? I need someone with a brain to watch over these fine people anyway,” looking back at the men he stationed to guard the hostages he rolled his eyes. Sliding his hand over your waist, Hans pinched your hip.

Playfully whacking him, you sighed, rolling your eyes as you detached yourself from him and plopped back down on your seat, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll just sit over here, forgotten, uncared about, and unloved,” picking up the Vogue magazine you were reading earlier, you pretended to be uninterested and unaffected by Hans’s departure.

Pressing one last kiss to your forehead as he bent down, Hans stood up straight assuming his usual put-together demeanor, before whispering to you softly so just you could hear him, “Ich liebe dich, mein Schatz.”

Reaching out for his hand, you lowered your voice significantly, losing your playful edge, “I love you too, please be careful.”

About to make a cocky joke, Hans caught himself once he saw the genuine worry in your eyes. He knew every time he went on a mission like this one, you became the epitome of a worried wife. Given the circumstances of this heist, he knew the stakes were much higher this time, it was half the reason he let you work undercover at Nakatomi in the first place. He found it endearing but the last thing he wanted was for his precious wife to worry.

“Don’t worry Mein Schatz, I will come back to you and we will celebrate Christmas together like a proper family,” he said, smiling at her as he squeezed her hand comfortingly.

“I promise,” he whispered, barely audible before letting her hand slip out of his.

“Now, Mr. Takagi, I believe we have business to conduct,” smiling charismatically, he gestured to the elevator once more before following him in.

Translations: Mein Schatz - My darling/my sweetheart, Meine Gattin - My wife, Meine kleine Schauspielerin - My little actress