Cep-journals - Blog Posts

Little updates on my October Art Challengers!

Before deciding on this, I hadn't written in years. I immediately was able to write as much as I did before I got too exhausted to, which I was pleasantly surprised by! But that did make me get waaaay too ambitious with my goals. I don't have the energy levels nor the time to write two prompts, or even one prompt, every day. And that's not a failing on my part, that's just a fact.

So: what does it mean for the prompt lists I've started?

I'll finish writing out the prompts I have ideas and inspiration for over November. Simple as that!

From now on, I'll be testing another rhythm: having a database of prompts to pick from and trying to write one per week. If I post it: awesome! If I don't: still great! If I write more: yay me! if I don't: still good job me!

Overall less pressure for me to keep up with /pos

Joker 2: Folie a Deux was a good movie

Here's the unpopular opinion I talked about earlier- 'cause apparently people think this movie sucked? And I don't agree - same thing happened with the first movie.

Like, the first movie was described a lot as "an edgy movie for incels" and like...

As a person with disabilities, including mental illnesses, the first movie made me angry on Arthur's behalf. it made me hurt, and it felt great yet sad when he snapped.

Great because he was finally fighting back. Sade because well... He shouldn't have to, it should never have come to this.

The second movie, according to most, seems to be "a mockery of the people who liked the first one".

And frankly, I don't care if it was intended as such, because that's not what I saw.

What I saw, was the same man I'd come to grow attached to and care for in the first movie, dealing with the aftermath of his breakdown and struggling to keep a sliver of sanity and joy and hope in a world that never cared about him and never saw him as a person: only a monster, a freak, only things that excused abuse.

Well, except for the doctors, who saw him like a broken vase. Something fragile. But still not a person.

That last one shows a lot with the "Joker is an alter" theory they cling onto the whole time, when it's clear to the audience that it never was true. It's just Arthur, as he says in the end. it's just Arthur that couldn't take it anymore and did horrible things as a survival reflex. It shows with the way they expose Arthur in the courtroom: no regards to his dignity and privacy as a person.

The guards are only kind when you act as they see you: a criminal, under them.

The abuse depicted isn't graphic, at least it didn't seem graphic to me. But it still had an enormous impact.

The storyline with Lee I couldn't have been more happy with.

The moment she said "I wanna see the real you" while putting make up on Arthur, i knew how this was going to end. yet, I couldn't help but hope with Arthur. He seemed happy. But every time we saw lee outside of his daydreams, I couldn't be hopeful. Her demeanor screamed what was going to happen.

I loved how Arthur's daydreams portrayed this too. Not just in the obvious ways, like her shooting him. Music, in the first movie, was how you'd tell a delusion from a daydream. Arthur has music in his daydreams, he's an entertainer, he liked the scene. Lee, however liked the fame. That's the big difference I feel is subtly shown in Arthur's daydreams. He's singing because this is his world, he does whatever, and he likes singing. She's singing because she's performing, she's on a scene, sending a message.

As much as my soft heart wanted Arthur to have a happy ending, whether alone or not, I knew it wouldn't happen, and I don't dislike that.

He'd been on the brink of metaphorically dying when Ricky got killed, and he did when Lee abandoned him.

A happy ending was never an option, and at this point, I'm not sure what would've been more impactful: leaving him there, a shell of himself, or him dying for real - then again I don't think there's an objective answer to that.

I got surprised when he got stabbed. Not because it wasn't predictable: there'd been foreshadowing, it didn't come out of nowhere. No, i got surprised because, the thing with these movies, is that they suck me in.

Between the music, whether in the background or in a more musical fashion, the cinematography (lights, framing,...), along with how I relate to and feel for Arthur, it all has a mesmerizing quality that makes me travel far.

So, when Arthur got called for a visit, I got hopeful, genuinely. Because I didn't have my writer glasses on; that's not fun for a first watch. So I followed along, hoping he'd find a friend on the other side. Who? I had no idea, I just wanted him to be happy.

I was uneasy when he got stopped. I think that even if my conscious was too engrossed to realise the foreshadowing, my subconscious had gotten the message just fine. That's another reason why I felt the movie was well done.

The scene where he actually died, I think everything froze for me.

When I got out of the theater, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a few minutes. See, the thing with my group of friends, is that when we go see a movie, we discuss it immediately. I love that usually, but I was feeling... off. I still don't know what words I could put on what I was feeling. A sort of melancholic hopelessness, all the while knowing that it was just a story, that I wouldn't end up like this. I say this because, i think my first clear thought when i collected myself was "Is there no place for people like us?".

And obviously things aren't as bad as in fiction, but, well... i always make the joke that there's no need to read/watch dystopian stories anymore, because we're living in one. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate these stories. I just feel like we're living in one.

I'm not going to list off why, I'm sure you'll find many reasons yourself, many of which I probably wouldn't even have thought of. Isn't that sad?

I don't have a conclusion to this. There's more hope for most of us than for Arthur. But when you look at the fates of a lot of people like him -not the "power-tripping incels", as I've seen- people with disabilities, people in poverty, people who've or are being abused... Is there a world where we stop making victims?

Truth is, the real reason I wanted to put this out was to try to get rid of that feeling, the one that caught onto me as I left my cinema seat.

I thought putting it into words would help.

I don't think it did.

It still has a hold on me, although it's less overwhelming that that night, it's still there, a steady feeling for the last few days. I saw the movie last Thursday.

It's not that novel of a feeling. i remember feeling like this once, years ago. When I wasn't a kid anymore, and suddenly the world wasn't pretty.

Now I can see that the world is pretty. Humanity is wonderful. Still, it sticks to my throat like sticky honey, except it's bittersweet and it feels like rain and thunder and screams.

Have a good day/night, thank you for reading a lunatic's pointless rambles 💚

Kai-yaking through life

Episode Two

16/09/24

Traveling to the other side of the world is both a terrifying and exciting experience. I made wonderful friends from both Italy and Quebec, and saw many gorgeous plays!

We also went boating and kayaking on a beautiful lake, and discovered many new things.

It was such an inspiring experience!

I'm waiting to see the others again to know how they see the future for the troupe, but even if the adventure together continues, it'll be rare to work because well, they're nearly all at university now.

I was expecting it, and had mused about what I'd do then already.

I decided to do theatre on my own, and maybe recruit others.

First of though, I think I'll go with a solo performance, but I've not given it much more thought as I'm waiting to adjust into my new routine of aromatherapy and singing lessons.

I'll update you with some more of my ideas and adventures soon!

Until then, stay you, and read you soon 🫧

-Kai 🧭🌟

🦋 General Tags

#cep-posts : original posts

#cep-being : stuff about myself/my identity

#cep-thoughts : my thoughts on stuff (research, discourse, activism,…)

#cep-witches : my spirituality

#cep-journals : my journaling

#cep-art : my art

#cep-writes : my writing

#cep-fandoms : fandomy stuff

#cep-daydreams : my daydreams

#cep-loves : my selfshipping

#ceps-forever-world : my minecraft forever world

#cep-yaps : rambles and yapping

#cep-socialises : from answering asks to tag games

#cep-nsft : nsfw stuff; minors please block this tag, same for people that would prefer not to see this

Hi! Name's Kai, I'm 21, I use any pronouns, and this is my blog!