«everything repeats itself, as none of us are prepared to let go»
i am not. i am not prepared to let go.
i have finished the final season of dark an hour ago and now i’m sitting in my kitchen, eating chocolate pudding and crying my eyes out. i am so happy that i’ve had a chance to be a part of this journey. and what a journey it was! i was sad, i was happy, i was angry; i felt excited, i felt betrayed, i felt hopeful. i didn’t like every character. but i loved each and every one of them. they are different. they have unique stories. they make terrible mistakes. they learn and change. they feel incredibly human. i’ve been a part of this story since the first season came out, and letting it go seems very painful. starting watching every next episode felt like i’m making a step closer to some sort of weird emptiness. i’ve finished the last episode — what am i supposed to do with my life now?
the ending was so bittersweet. when jonas and martha realized that they are a glitch in the matrix, when they were erasing their own existence, it felt like losing a part of myself. they wanted to live. they wanted to be happy. they wanted for all of this to finally come to an end. and they had to pay a price. but, honestly, seeing everyone in the original world being so happy, seeng everything being exactly how it should be made me sob and shake. it felt like all of this was worth it. nothing is in vain.
i am not prepared to let go yet. but i think i will be. maybe, in 33 years.
going through the old childhood photos and making these was kinda therapeutic in a way that if i can’t possibly blame my younger self for all the trauma, why am i blaming myself now?
Hey! I was wondering if you knew more poems about fathers (in relation to having a difficult relationship with one?)
Let Your Father Die Energy Drink by Daniel Lavery and Cecelia Corrigan
Do You Consider Writing to be Therapeutic? by Andrew Grace
Real Estate by Richard Siken
This Be the Verse by Philip Larkin
Backwards by Warsan Shire
My Father's Hands by Dave Harris
Boy and the Belt / Poem to Take the Belt Out of My Dad's Hands by José Olivarez
My Father Writes From Prison by Ocean Vuong
asleep by the smiths // fireworks by mitski // last words of a shooting star by mitski // carry me out by mitski // guilt tripping by frnkiero andthe cellabration // funeral by phoebe bridgers // unfucktheworld by angel olsen // cigar by tamino // fourth of july by sufjan stevens
of hurting people, of breaking their hearts and leaving them. it feels like i’m not capable of loving someone for a long time and i can’t do anything about it — i just have to wake up every morning, knowing that my feelings are slowly fading, until one day i open my tired eyes and understang — all i feel is an eternal emptiness in my chest.
‘i don’t love you anymore,’ i say quietly into the darkness.
‘please, stay. we can still make it work. we are a perfect couple. i love you.’
‘no,’ i reply with a cold voice. it hurts, and i can’t handle it. i am sorry. i am sorry. i am so fucking sorry.
i can’t afford to love someone anymore — it would be incredibly cruel to them.
sullen girl, fiona apple/a pearl, mitski
i've had a dream where i was dating homelander and he was his usual self killing people and stuff but around me he was like a little meow meow or what do people call that guy from succession kendall jenner or smth anyways why did my brain decide to be like that it's fucking diabolical
marina 23/ kady 40 “So, darling, how about little rebellion?”
I don’t want a degree anymore I want a nap