i desperately wish to get to know someone from the middle. start out by talking about movies, ideal night out or something. names and professions later.
i'm sick of the small talk and routine "getting to know each other" questions.
i'm sick of telling people where i'm from and where i work.
i'm sick of receiving this information that ultimately is so surface-level and doesn't tell me anything i want to know about the person standing in front of me.
i am no longer able to picture myself in a romantic relationship. all my life i've avoided human connection and running away from it is all i know to do. i see others' relationships falling apart, repeated realisation that in the end of the day people care primarily for themselves and even the best intentions don't protect you from hurting yourself and others, making care for anyone else feel foolish. not getting involved seems like the perfect solution to avoid hurting, but the problem is that i already do.