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What Have I Become - Blog Posts
Would a depressed person make this? Rabbit hole Enki fear and hunger? I think not!
LEAVE ME ALONE HE GIVES ME THE HAPPY CHEMICAL
I downloaded Facebook just to use the Market place, but oh my God. I have stumbled into way too much power. If I have the name of a person I can most definitely find them, and it's so much easier then finding someone of Instagram or tiktok. They must like narrow it down my people in by area or smth. But I'm scared now. If this power goes to my head I may become to dangerous. Someone will have to eliminate me before I destroy the world.😔😥😱
Yeah, stars can’t shine without darkness. But what do you do when even the stars start to fade away?
}Å.G.P.{
I'm done.
I give up. I've been so much better for so long, but all of it is back again (as always). I'm just so done with this. I'm such a burden on everyone and I'm so disgusting... Could someone please just end my life right now? At least then my friends and family won't think its their fault for not knowing that I needed help.
And once again I find myself in class, writing sad quotes instead of doing my work.
The Quiet Girl In The Back // Å.G.P.
During the day, I try as hard as hard as I can to be positive. And most days.. I succeed :) But every single night, the pain comes rushing back. And I don’t think any amount of positivity will end that…
Å.G.P.
But darling, you help everyone. Well... Everyone but yourself.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it? // Å.G.P.
You know, I used to be your first choice. Sometimes I wonder why I’m not anymore but then I remember that it’s because she came into your life, and who would ever choose the broken depressed girl over the beautiful happy girl?
The Broken Depressed Girl // Å.G.P.
Sometimes I wonder if you even want to be my friend. You never seem to want to talk to me, so why not take it one step farther?
Å.G.P.
That moment when you’re sitting in class and trying to pay attention, but eventually you just give up because all you can think about are the memories. The memories that you made with meaningless people back when you were naive and oblivious to how easily they could shatter your glass heart. But you’re stronger now because you’ve finally rebuilt it. This time out of solid steel instead of the fragile glass you used the first time. But there is one big flaw in fixing a broken heart… The memories will never disappear. Your brain will never let you out of the prison you created. There is no way to escape… So you continue sit in class and try to pay attention, but it will never work because all you can think about are the memories.
Å.G.P.
Her: I feel like it’s always raining..
Him: How?
Her: The whole world just seems so gray. It’s as if someone laid an everlasting blanket of fog over me.
Him: But you said things were getting better..
Her: I thought they were, but how could it possibly get better when people just keep hurting me. How could I feel better when there isn’t a single person who likes me.
Him: I like you.
Her: you’re lying
Him: I'm not!... *sigh* I don't think you understand how much I love you..
I wonder what it would feel like to not be sad all the time. To believe in yourself. To trust people when they say they care about you. To reply with something other than "Fine" when people ask you how you’re doing. To wake up in the morning and not have your first thought be "I don’t want to do this anymore"
//Å.G.P.//
How am I supposed to move on when every time I try you just start flirting with me again.
I keep going back to you
I need to learn the fucking difference between people that MAKE time to talk to me and people that HAVE time to talk to me.
I thought you made time for me, but I thought wrong.
Every night I find myself staring at my ceiling… Just thinking about you. And every night I just come to the same realizations. If you cared about me, you would be texting me instead of her. If you cared about me, you would try to make our conversations last longer. If you cared about me, you would talk to me even if there were other people to talk to.
But you don’t care about me…. Not anymore.
Just forget about me
Everyone else has
Everyone who gets close to me
just
gets
hurt
It may be cold now, and it may seem like it will never be warm again. But summer WILL come. The sun WILL shine. And the warmth WILL come back.
I hope
Everybody thinks I’m over you. But sometimes… when someone else is talking about their relationship.. or I see two strangers holding hands.. I remember that at one point that could have been us. And my hearts breaks all over again.
Things Change #6
Am I supposed to pretend that everything is okay?..
It's not
Isn’t it funny how close we used to be. I used to be your first choice… But somewhere along the line, you stopped feeling the same way about me that I will always feel about you.
Things Change #5
But I will wait an eternity if I feel as if there is still
the tiniest,
littlest bit
of hope left.
Do you ever just get scared for no reason?.. It's like you know something bad is about to happen but you don't know what and that just makes you even more terrified.
Anxiety // I'm.not.living.im.surviving on ig
Our favorite colors were always the same; blue. But I recently grew very fond of purple. That doesn't mean I like blue any less, I just like purple more now.
Things Change #4 // I'm.not.living.im.surviving on ig
They say we 'are not alone' but that isn't always a good thing. It makes everyone see us as 'just another depressed kid' or 'just another emo teen'. People think that it's 'just what teenagers do.' But if we were like the others, we wouldn't feel this broken.
I guess it doesn't matter though since this is all 'just a phase' anyway
If I were to stop talking.. would anyone even notice?
I Doubt It. // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig
The sad part is... I saw this coming. I saw it coming but that didn't stop me from continuing to love you.
I still continue to love you... // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig
I used to feel at home whenever I talked to you. But now it’s more like when you check into a motel; familiar, yet cold and neglected.
Things Change #3 // @im.not.living.im.surviving on ig