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Self Esteem - Blog Posts
You’re a Queen When No One is Watching-
Why is it, in the late darkness of night,
When beasts roam my bedroom floor and monsters reach out from beneath my bed,
When everyone sleeps, but for the wild imagination lurking behind my eyes,
When I’m at my loneliest and most vulnerable,
My most wild, euphoric, depressed, inspired and wisest self,
That I am at my most beautiful?
When I decide I will no longer attempt to succumb to sleep’s blissful embrace,
When I enter a room with Alice’s looking glass,
And see the circles beneath my eyes, the gentle curve of my lips, and sharp lines of my once full face,
Why do I look like a goddess of war, the judge of your soul beyond death, the unstoppable, raging force of a true queen...
Why does the real me choose to show herself when there is no one there to see the rawness of being a real human being...
When no one is there to love the part of you that you love yourself.
The you you hide,
To save that last little bit of light from the darkness of others...
Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I’ve had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You won’t believe this… ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project… so quit thinking they’re bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours! When people say “you’re gorgeous”, believe them. I tend not to, and it’s a cryin’ shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it’s because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them. “Arm flab is embarrassing.” No its not, go fuck yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly. You’re not stunning despite your body. You’re stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem “unattractive” women as “special spirits”. A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside. I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true “beauty”. A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won’t break his back. “Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You’re full of shit.” Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in… six years? I’m considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like… 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air… it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn’t suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed. You don’t need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone who’s fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they’re committed to becoming “less fat”. As if accepting one’s body as is would be a sin, and that’s just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don’t owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period. You’re allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that’s okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn’t make you narcissistic. It doesn’t make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
It’s also okay to have days where you don’t love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that we’ve grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that’s 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. It’s going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it’s definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have “weak” days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you’re a warrior. Everyone’s boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Don’t stress. This is totally normal. There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore “thick” women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that I’m trying to make goes back to the “despite vs because of” argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is “okay” with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman! Fat chicks bang hot guys… ALL. THE. TIME.I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the “universally attractive” kind of hot. Y’know, the kind fat chicks don’t deserve? We want to pretend that we don’t know what I’m talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that “fat chicks bang ‘hot’ guys” was one of the most powerful realizations I’ve had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn’t personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin’: through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. “Girls” showed what society thinks about that when Hannah’s character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their shit. “Patrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunham” was the most eye catching. Wilson’s wife responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think unconventional women deserve. Jesus christ, it’s annoying. I won’t spill the details of my bedroom coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading Emily’s article on xoJane for a better explanation of what I’m struggling to say. Know this: the myth that “atypical” bodies can’t be paired with “typically attractive” bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be paired with all bodies. Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false. Here’s a great article that changed my life. Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says “Does this shirt make me look fat?”. Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life. You are fucking beautiful. I’m saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don’t feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But fuck their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU… is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are fucking beautiful. Say it with me.
things life is too short for: - hating yourself - pretending to laugh at “jokes” that are actually just bigoted statements - not singing along to your favorite songs - waiting hours to text someone back just to look cool - bad coffee - bad books - mean people - body shaming - letting other people dictate your life
But then, the truth was never really the point. Thin women don’t tell their fat friends ‘You’re not fat’ because they’re confused about the dictionary definition of the word, or their eyes are broken, or they were raised on planets where size 24 is the average for women. They don’t say it because it’s the truth. They say it because fat does not mean just fat in this culture. It can also mean any or all of the following: Ugly Unhealthy Smelly Lazy Ignorant Undisciplined Unlovable Burdensome Embarrassing Unfashionable Mean Angry Socially inept Just plain icky So when they say ‘You’re not fat,’ what they really mean is ‘You’re not a dozen nasty things I associate with the word fat.’ The size of your body is not what’s in question; a tape measure or a mirror could solve that dispute. What’s in question is your goodness, your lovability, your intelligence, your kindness, your attractiveness. And your friends, not surprisingly, are inclined to believe you get high marks in all those categories. Ergo, you couldn’t possibly be fat.
Kate Harding (via shakethecobwebs)
“They didn’t build this shit with fat people in mind” she sighed as she wriggled her way out of the just slightly too tight space behind the register.
“But you’re not fat, don’t say that,” he responded.
Tell that to the hips that got caught in a turnstile yesterday and everyday that she forgets...
Don’t talk to yourself in such a way that if you did so to a friend, it would end your friendship. If you had a friend dealing with the same things, you wouldn’t berate that person, say, ‘You’re not working hard enough,’ ‘You suck,’ or ‘You’re not as good as [whomever].’ You’d offer your friend encouragement, you’d try to point out all the things your friend did right, and how much progress your friend had made. You should do no less for yourself. Be very careful how you talk to yourself. Because you are listening.
Pat Cadigan, author (via ellenkushner)
Public Service Announcement:
Honestly I really need to rant but I’m gonna make this as short as me...
To the grown 40 something year old men who continue to message me inappropriate things: I AM NOT INTERESTED NOR DO I WANT TO SEE IT. I have had this happen to me multiple times and not only does it make me uncomfortable but it’s low key hella scary. I seriously am tempted to leave tumblr because of this. I come on here because I expect to feel safe and be able to be unapologetically myself. But now when I come on here and see these messages all it does is make me feel bad about myself and anxious. I KNOW THAT I AM MORE THAN THIS CLOWNERY AND WILL NOT LET THIS DISRESPECT KEEP HAPPENING. It ends now. (NOTE: This does not apply to everyone it’s just been happening so much lately that I need to get it off my chest.)
Thank you for attending my Ted talk.
If you're spending time worried about who's not giving you the attention that you deserve, take it as a sign that it's time for you to get in contact with yourself and ask yourself what you need and what you deserve. I guarantee you'll start moving different.
Literally people will call you cringe and weird for doing the mildest shit; don't fucking give a single shit, just do whatever, fuck it. If they're gonna try to shame you anyway, why not do what makes you happy let them sort themselves out far away from you
stop hating yourself for everything you're not. start loving yourself for everything you are.
I haven't been able to draw at the start of this year caus' my self-confidence hit rock bottom. You know what? That's OK.
I'm gonna tell myself to take it easy and try not to be overly self critical.
I hope everyone can tell themselves that it's OK not to be at your best all the time.
lots of people always ask if i have an eating disorder because im apparently “too skinny” and i always answer “nah, im too much of a slut for food.” 💕 but seriously all bodies are fucking amazing. beautiful and handsome and wonderful and valid. you’re all fucking amazing. and i adore and love all of you okay. 💞 also this picture freaks me out but i felt like a badass soooooooo! 💗 //keep my caption pls and thanks k//
Come correct or don't come at all attitude. is not arrogance but self-esteem
"It's ridiculous to say, 'I don't care what anyone says about me,' because that's not possible. But you can decide whose opinions matter more and whose opinions you put more weight on"
- Taylor Swift -
8 Ways For Highly Sensitive People to Break Free From Loneliness
October 31, 2019
Although it has taken me some time to write this article, I have been actively experimenting with techniques to break free from the loneliness I discussed in my last article.
I have recently discovered that loneliness can be temporary or it may be complex and chronic in nature. I am also realizing there is no quick and easy fix to my chronic sense of loneliness.
I do not believe one is hopeless in such a situation, as the healing process requires time and patience to overcome this obstacle.
I know many highly sensitive people can relate to my experience with loneliness. Therefore, I would love to share with you eight beneficial coping strategies that are bringing me a sense of relief on my healing path!
8 Ways a Highly Sensitive Person Can Break Free From the Chains of Loneliness and Gain a Sense of Connection!
1. Awareness
Being aware that you are lonely, rather than simply embracing solitude can be the first step to addressing an issue with loneliness. Having awareness about your vulnerabilities such as being HSP, experiencing grief, trauma, etc... It is also important to be aware that you are not alone and that there are others out there going through similar experiences. There truly is an abundance of support and like minded people in the world if you are willing to receive it!
2. Healing Work
Many highly sensitive people come from backgrounds filled with complex trauma or abuse that may have impacted the body mind and spirit of these sensitive souls. Therefore, an integrative approach may be beneficial in order to address the various underlying aspects that lead to a chronic sense of loneliness. For example, tending to one's physical, mental, and spiritual needs. Healing modalities may range from counseling, addiction recovery, therapy, support groups, alternative methods, and general health care. It may also require a degree of patience along with vigilance during the healing process and I know it is not an easy path (but worth it!)
3. Make Connection a Priority and Build It Into a Routine.
An excellent way to integrate a sense of connection with routine, is by starting small and increasing socialization gradually. Since everyone has different personal and social needs, increasing one's sense of connection may look different from person to person. This may simply include going out for a walk, a friendly greeting to another person, connecting with the essence of nature, blocking out a specific time to spend with a close friend regularly. I personally find elements of comfort to be helpful( i.e. person, place, object, or existing routine), while transitioning to a new routine. As you gradually experiment with this concept, observe how each activity makes you feel to track progress over time. Over time, you can gain momentum and see how far you have come!
4. Seek Out Connections With Like Minded People and Value Existing Connections
As highly sensitive people, we tend to value deep connections and prefer depth over breadth in relationships rather than quantity. I know this can lead to feelings of loneliness and frustration for HSPs. I do believe it to be few and far between to find such connections but they do exist! Although it is rare, many of us have experienced these connections at some point in our lives and I am extremely grateful for those special connections as many people may never experience this in a lifetime!
Seeking out connections with like minded people can be comforting. You will also find that many others are going through similar experiences and not only need support but want to be supportive as well. By being available and of service to others, one can experience a sense of relief as well as connections.
5. Lower Expectations With Others
One thing I have observed about myself,(and many people in general) is a tendency to have unrealistic expectations about people without considering people's differences. I am learning that everyone approaches and processes situations differently, particularly in comparison to highly sensitive people. I also find that a great number of people in this day in age are not truly capable or available for healthy intimacy. Therefore, I realize the unnecessary struggle of taking things as personally.
6. Grounding
There are a variety of ways to ground or center one's self.I find t connecting with nature to have profound effects, particularly after my recent visit to Alaska( ie. witnessing the beautiful scenery such as the northern lights). This can be a great way to not only embrace the sensory experience but escape from a ruminating mind. Exercises such as deep breathing, mindfulness meditation, or shielding energy with an imaginary white light or bubble can create a similar grounding effect.
Lastly, striving for a sense of autonomy and breaking free from entanglements/relationships that create energetic codependency can help protect a person's energy. Taking a walk and connecting with nature can also be a helpful technique to switch from a ruminating mind into the senses.
7. Busy Your Schedule Doing What You Love
Volunteer for a cause that you value or participate in a hobby such as a creative project you are passionate about. I find that by immersing myself in these activities, I experience a sense of connection, purpose, and being part of something greater than myself and my struggles.
8.Connect With Yourself and Love Yourself Unconditionally
This can also be a great opportunity to embrace solitude and experience the oneness with life!
Reexamine old beliefs about yourself or past experiences and see if it is an obstacle from putting yourself out there into the world. Many times we believe lies about ourselves and miss the opportunities to reach our potentials and create our dream lives as a result of false self beliefs.
Learning to have self compassion and acceptance can be a great way to connect with yourself and love yourself unconditionally. I know this can take time and it can be rough at times but please remember that feelings are not always facts and whatever you are going through will pass. Filling yourself with love and acceptance create self sufficiency. With this self sufficiency, I believe one can more easily love and connect with others as well as extend that love to others with a fuller love tank!
Thank you for letting me share about my experience with loneliness and the lessons I have learned regarding this issue! There truly can be so much more to this than simply needing to be around people as it is often more about experiencing healing and connection! How do you cope with loneliness or experience connection?
With Love,
Dahlia
Photo Source: Pinterest.com
Verbal Judo
The other day I heard this on the radio while driving:
I was very intrigued by this as I have been a student of "Verbal Judo" for some years now. I work with people a lot, mostly when they are not at their best (I work with the very ill and those who care for them). Also being I am an introvert and that I can be ironically, um, very vocal, having some insight on how to structure speaking with others when I and/or they are not at their best is super helpful. And truly it has been! I prefer the audiobook by the way and listen to it a lot when jogging, driving, or whatever. Whoever they got to read it I thought was the author reading his own book so it is a very good listen.
Anyway, back to the intrigue of the podcast. When I heard this piece I wondered if this helped shape or influence Mr. Thompson's passion to create a learnable structure for better communication especially in stressful moments ("Verbal Judo").
I'm going to give this podcast a listen and let you know what I learn. If you have listened, no spoilers please!
“The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
"Obstacles are the cost for greatness"
- Robin Sharma
Never, NEVER underestimate the heart of a champion.
Thank You for 1000+ followers. I started this account 3 years ago while I was going through a rough patch. I am incredibly happy that I have shared motivation quotes with everyone. Again, thank you!
Credit: @unlimitedknowledge on IG
Via: @unlimitedknowledge on IG
"They don't believe you until it's done"
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Divine Love (love of self)
