Restart - Blog Posts

A Focus on the Basics

A new year has begun.  It is a time for reflection, a time for nostalgia, and a time for motivation.

2013 was the craziest year of my life so far.  It was an emotional and visceral roller-coaster from which I learned a lot about myself, about what I want and need.  As I look back, I realize the one thing that I need to start doing in my life if I want to succeed as a professional, as a husband, and as me --- focus on the basics.

In 2012, I was scared that I was stagnating professionally, worried that I was going to be stuck in autopilot and become the unambitious, listless worker everyone fears to be for the rest of his or her life.  I went to graduate school to gain a deeper understanding of my engineering interests, and it was frittering away.  It affected my personal life as well --- I became less productive at home and started to believe that I wasn't living up to the husband I wanted to be.  By the end of 2012, I took a risk and left my job for another with the promise of a real challenge.  There was a lot of thought and deliberation for that decision, and I can honestly say it was a great decision.

However, my stagnation concerns returned, and inward crept the fears again.  My job took more and more of my time, and I felt like I was neglecting my personal life.  I wrote film critiques and played guitar less and less, I struggled keeping in touch with friends and family, and I rarely stopped to look and appreciate where my life had taken me.  My fitness level dropped like a stone in water, and every time I tried to restart working out, something would come up that would take me out of it.

On the professional side, it wasn't a fear that I was wasting my knowledge away, but a fear that I would never be an equal to my co-workers and respected by my superiors.  For every step forward that I took, I felt that there was something that would happen that would knock me two steps backward.  Every time that happened, I looked at myself and wondered whether I should have become an engineer.  I thought I was growing at a snail's pace while everyone else was significantly further along.  The challenge was winning. 

As 2014 begins, I realize that perceived lack of growth is just that --- perceived.  I have grown significantly throughout 2013, and thankfully only a small percentage of that is my weight.  I still have a long way to go, but the hindrance is me.  I'm so focused on gaining advanced knowledge and skills that I've neglected basic principles.  I want to play hard guitar songs without practicing my scales and learning my modes.  I want to be five years down the road personally and professionally so badly that I forget to learn how to live and work now.

So, starting in 2014, I will strive harder to find the work-life balance.  I will improve my fitness to be as good as, if not better than, it was my first year of marriage.  I will focus on learning and memorizing the engineering basics so that I have a foundation of knowledge that won't be on mental sand.  I will learn to understand that I will fail several times before I succeed.  I will play my scales and modes so that my fingers stay nimble enough for playing along with my songs.  I will find a little bit of time to read leisurely, regardless of how long it takes me to finish a book.  I will write more film critiques and complete the cycle of Star Wars critiques I began a couple of years ago.  I will stop and take stock in the life that I have so that I have a solid foundation for the life I will have.  For all who read this, please hold me accountable.  I know I can't do this alone, but I know that I can do this.

felt🙏

the urge to delete everything and restart

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