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Don't Blame Yourself - Blog Posts
If you’re wondering if it ‘counts’ as harassment...that’s the problem
Given a choice between accepting that something awful has happened, or thinking that someone is mistaken, exaggerating, or lying, much of the time our brains will deny the awful thing happened.
It is something that happened to you.
It is something that can have a big impact on you.
But it was not because of you.
And it doesn’t define you or your self-worth.
Learn more
Kiki Smith: Nuit (1992)
Given a choice between accepting that something awful has happened, or thinking that someone is mistaken, exaggerating, or lying, much of the time our brains opt to deny the awful thing happened.
The majority of sexual harassment cases involve some kind of complication.
Maybe you dated the person, flirted with them, or had sex with them before.
Maybe you knew or suspected that they had a history of being inappropriate with others.
Maybe you’ve always looked up to this person, considered them a friend, a mentor, or someone who’s helped you a lot in the past.
Maybe it’s happened more than once.
Maybe when it happened you didn’t know how to react so you didn’t say anything.
Maybe after it happened you acted overly nice to the person or reassured them it wasn’t a big deal.
Maybe the person isn’t the kind of person we think a harasser is: they’re someone really respected in society or more attractive than you or physically smaller or female. So you or others have a hard time believing that person could hurt you.
Maybe you really like the person for other reasons and feel torn about seeing them as someone who’s hurt you.
It’s important to know that it’s not unusual if your situation feels more complicated.
In fact, that is the more common situation.
You did not deserve to be sexually harassed.
This is true no matter what. No matter
what you wear
how much money you make
where you work
or anything else
Michael A Davenport, 3,090 Degrees Fahrenheit (Oil on canvas, 2025)
30in x 48in
Even people who care about you and want you to be safe may disbelieve you at first. This is not because you are to blame or because your story is not true.
Being sexually harassed is less like you were running and tripped, and more like someone pushed you. Replaying everything you did or didn’t do doesn’t actually help you to prevent it from happening again.