I Wonder If Anyone Looks At Me When I'm Not Looking. Not The 'staring-off-into-space' Look, But The 'I-want-her-to-be-with-me'

I’m scarred that one day you’ll wake up and not love me anymore.

When we get distant.

Being happy hurts. It’s one truth of the world no one wishes to speak about. Being happy doesn’t allow for sadness. Being happy doesn’t allow for others to help you. And lord forbid that you actually say that you aren’t ‘happy’.

“But you have a such a good life”

Do you regret the late nights out? The ache in your chest that you can’t place anymore but know is there from the constant nagging at that one hour of the day? Do you remember the day that they left clearly? Or does the warm escape of the whisky whisk you away? Is it all a faint memory? Or is it like a car wreck? Something you won’t ever forget?

Did you love her or the idea of loving her?

I thought I had you, but also knew someone else would take you away just as you came.

-While you ignored me for her

Someone once told me to stay away from boys with cute smiles because they are the ones that can hurt you the most.

 2 AM Thoughts

If you’re just a dream then I don’t want to wake up.

This can’t be a nightmare

I thought I'd be fine when you decided to leave. But here I am in a puddle of my own tears and trying to figure out to turn off these damned things called emotions.

2 AM Thoughts

Can everything stop? Not forever, just for a few minutes. Just a few minutes to sort out my life. A few minutes to let out my frustrations without anyone having to know. A few minutes to just be happy. Because once they are over I won’t be ready to face the reality I live in. Can everything stop? I need a few minutes.

Things I won't tell anymore

In the blink of an eye I could lose you. I hope and pray that I won’t, but those eyes and that personality will get you so many girls. So many girls that can give you the love that I can’t. Even though I can’t influence your feelings towards me, I want to stay close. Because to me, being too close is better than watching you slip right through my fingers into another girl’s arms.

What I've realized when I was at your house

Every minute you're gone, the more vulnerable I feel.

Celia Lawliet