When Does Life Start To Feel Heavy?

Our incompatibility is in no way a reflection of your worthiness.

If you could just understand that a NO, a rejection is more "we're just not compatible" more than it's a measure of your worth--

I've always wondered why we take it so poorly when someone rejects us but I'm realizing it's because most of the time we're attaching our worth to it. 'The fact that they don't wanna be with me must mean I'm unworthy, I'm not enough, I could have done more, could have done better' and a myriad more excuses of us trying to come to terms with it.

This is not to mean that we can't save some of our connections by doing better, or being better. It's just that there are times we put our whole being on the line, do the best we can but at some point we have to accept that maybe we just aren't compatible. We're not in alignment. And in no way is it a reflection of your worth.

What's better than discovering a new song or a new artist at the most opportune time? Like the universe granting you something to accompany you on whatever journey you're on then-- let's say you're falling in love, all giddy and you happen upon a love song or to my sad babies just finding a new song to be sad to right in the moment?!!

Can we talk about pouring into your cup first thing in the morning?!

It doesn't matter if I'm running late, it doesn't matter if I woke up late, whether I snooze the alarm to the very last second, I have something that needs to be done- one thing I will do, is do something for me before anything(cue anybody) else.

I strive for at least 10 minutes and anything is game, morning yoga, meditation, affirmations, morning stretch- whatever it may be goes a long way into setting my day up.

This way even if the day gets away from me like they're fraught to- things come up, things take longer than you expected/planned for, you're tired at the end of the day- I got ahead of it!

Tough love.

What comes to mind when you think of tough love? Maybe you've been lucky enough to have been tough-loved the right way. I on the other hand can't deny that it works, but at what cost? At what cost? How high is the price paid? Why can't we lovingly teach, mentor or lead?

If tough love is what I've known it to be up to this point, I want no more. I want no parts in it. All it's ever done is break my heart, shatter my spirit. For me it's been outright cruelty disguised as 'tough love', so excuse me while I get the hell away from it. It's harmed me more than it has helped me.

I needed tender, warm, soft love to bloom and flourish but they were more focused on giving me a spine of steel. They used a staff whereas I just needed a hand to hold. I see all the ways I might've turned out different. And I know, I know this might just be a life lie but you can't deny I would've turned out different. I think for the better, they thought for the worse.

All of that shit they did, that they explained away as 'tough love': 'we're only trying to help you, you'll see', 'we only want what's best for you', 'you'll appreciate this', 'we care because we love you' or 'we wouldn't do this if we didn't love you'. Tell me why 'this', why 'care', why 'love', why 'best' was abusive? Verbal, physical, emotional abuse. Tell me it wasn't manipulative?

Now anytime someone says, "tough love" to me, my breath hitches I tense up, readying myself for hurtful shit. And if I am this way, am I gonna be receptive to what they're gonna be saying or trying to get across? Is what they're referring to as tough love a guise for abuse and cruelty? Do they sound accusatory? What measures do they resort to? Do they believe that tough love is the only way there is?

And maybe, just maybe, sometimes we do need tough love. Just remember it isn't whatever that is, that leaves you questioning your existence; whatever that is, that breaks your spirit, hurts you, leaves you crying. And no, you can't tell me that someone who cares about you or your wellbeing doesn't have the capacity to not be cruel to you. Doesn't have the capacity to be firm but gentle with you, which is what tough love should be.

One thing I refuse to do, is force anyone to see my worth. I don't do that. I do not even try to make them see it. You either see it or you don't. But I'll know, from how they treat and handle me. And will then act accordingly. I will remove myself from situations where I'm treated like I am less than.

'Teach people how to treat you' and all but some treatment is just inhumane. You don't have to teach someone to recognize your inherent worth as a human being, as a person. On top of which they can recognize your worth and treat you even better but no- people just be acting clueless or entitled or as complete a** wipes.

~SM.

Me: excited to share something with other people

Flashes in my head: energy bitch, their energy could throw it all off

Me: bites tongue as the smile and excitement leave me

I’m here to remind you to hydrate and smile! I hope you have a sweet sweeeet day and I hope October is treating you well ☁️ oh also, I’m proud of you for doing your best it’s good enough

Been hydrating and this just made me cheese/smile so hard you have no idea. Didn't see this earlier but I got to it when I needed it the most. You're the sweetest ✨ and I hope your existence is as sweet and thoughtful as you are. Thank you lovely.

I LOVE love it when my friends keep and hold me accountable. It's seriously so 🥺🥺. Like you see me, you want me to flourish, you care that I'm doing this life thing right, you want the best for me?!! And they do it ooh so gently. How amazing is it? 'kay bye, imma cry 😭😭

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.”

— Gloria Naylor

It's all going to hurt. Just find what's worth the suffering or what's worth the pain and discomfort.

~my gut to me

What's it trying to teach me?