No But Did You Notice How Easily Neil Started Thinking Dan Instead Of Danielle And Nicky Instead Of Nicholas

FBI: *gives strict instructions*

Neil: *removes one earbud* what

they’re even wearing each other’s hoodies🥺😭

andreil cuddling with King Fluffkins and Sir Fat Cat McCatterson 🐱

do not repost | instagram

neil josten’s favourite place to sit is the floor. i will die on this hill

i have not sent an ask in SO LONG (sorry btw) but hi hello i can’t get medicated andrew out of my head and i need to know your thoughts on how sober andrew views/reconciles with the time he spent medicated

oh my gosh hello again!! i always love your asks <33

medicated andrew makes my heart ache. i think that andrew probably tries not to look back on that time - he can’t do anything to change the past, and i wouldn’t say that he’s made peace with it but he kind of,, accepts it? is resigned to it?

when he was on his meds, andrew couldn’t truly control what he was doing, and dwelling on that loss of control would do more harm than good. his choices and free will were stripped away, and he became a prisoner in his own mind. he might look back on that time with flashes of rage, but he’s pretty good at smothering his emotions, and i’d imagine he’d repress most memories associated with that time, because looking back would be unproductive and pointless

in the future, i could see him looking back on those years with some bitterness maybe, but i don’t think he’d really see the point. the past is the past for him, and he made no promises of revenge for the torture his meds put him through, so i’d imagine that he would generally just opt to completely ignore it. the only exception i could see to that would be in therapy sessions with bee when he was first taken off his meds to see how he was adjusting

andrew after a nightmare and unable to stand touch, but he still needs neil. so neil stares at the ceiling and talks. not about exy, not small talk. he says what’s on his mind, he tells stories from his past (good and bad), he just fills the silence. and eventually, andrew reaches over and places two fingers on neil’s neck and focuses on his pulse. focuses on the life that this man radiates, this man that chooses him every day and stays with him and respects his boundaries and talks into the dark on andrew’s bad nights because he knows that andrew needs to be rooted in the present but he can’t grab his neck the way andrew grabs his, so the liar tells truths for free.

hi i think paper cut hearts but ennui_ephemera on ao3 does a pretty good job portraying nicky!

ooo thanks anon! i think i’ve read that one, but it’s definitely been a while. i’ll have to go reread it :) tysm for the rec, ily <33

so you're telling me that nicky, a bad gay driver, was driven around by andrew, a bad gay driver, and he still... didn't realize that andrew was gay af?? nicky c'mon

neil’s too preoccupied with analyzing other people’s emotions to care about his own. like his feelings never,, mattered to him ?? it was always about survival, not about living, so of course he doesn’t bother interpreting his own emotions, he only worries about those of others because that’s what has always been important for his survival

do you think andrew knew his birthday when he was in foster care? tilda didn’t even leave him with a last name - did she leave his birthday? or did he grow up with a random estimation? was aaron the one that told andrew what day they were born? is part of the reason he doesn’t bother celebrating because he just never knew what day to celebrate before and he wasn’t going to start that late in his life?