Andrew’s The Type Of Person That Won’t Move An Inch When Neil Falls Asleep On Him But Then Grumbles

Here’s a promt. Like Andrew, Aaron has a similar memory and a couple trigger words such as being called “ungrateful”. But unlike Andrew, Aaron shuts down.

Oh.

(cw: past abuse, trauma, trauma responses, apathy, foul language.)

"You're an ungrateful little bitch sometimes, you know that? Fuck, sometimes I really wish I'd given you up."

The first time someone called him ungrateful, Aaron tried to defend himself. It didn't go well for him in the end, but he supposed afterward that he should have learned how to duck from a punch before demanding life be fair.

When it happens now, Aaron knows consciously that nothing was meant by it. It's another matter of Coach being Coach, being a gruff old man with an attitude that Aaron normally admires. He likes that Wymack doesn't take anybody's shit, he likes even more that Wymack won't take his. There's some sort of safety in knowing he could be an asshole to the man and not get in any real trouble for it. (There is safety in knowing he won't be hurt for talking back.)

They're in the lounge when Coach says it. Aaron is perched on the armrest of the couch, with Nicky, Neil, and Andrew all seated on the cushions, and Kevin on the opposite armrest. The team is going over some basic shit for their next game, something Aaron has heard Kevin repeat time and time and time again. He's half-tuned out, but comes back to it when someone says something about dinner.

"You owe us, Coach." It's Nicky. He's whining about it, and Aaron tries not to roll his eyes. "We won last week, I think we deserve a team dinner after this week's game!"

"I owe you squat," Wymack says, his expression flat. "All the shit I do for you assholes?"

"Come on, Coach!" Matt this time, a grin spread wide on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Aaron looks back at Wymack.

For his part, the man isn't swayed. He gives Matt the same dead look he gave Nicky. "You're all ungrateful little shits," he says.

It takes a surprisingly long time for Aaron to process what's been said. The word doesn't quite hit him right away, and at least four seconds have elapsed by the time he really reacts. Ungrateful.

The world feels less real than it did five seconds ago, Aaron decides. He knows what's happening, it isn't the first time he's gone through this shit, and he knows it sure as hell won't be the last. That doesn't make it any better though, so he just as easily dismisses the past experience in favor of trying to keep up with the conversation instead of being unresponsive.

It doesn't work. Not as well as he wants it to anyway, and definitely not well enough to convince his family that nothing happened. Aaron can feel Andrew's gaze on him, steady and unyielding and oh so suspicious of the man he calls his brother. For a moment, Aaron wonders if he looks the same way Andrew did last week when Kevin said the word "misunderstanding". They both have their words, he knows, and now Andrew knows one of his.

The conversation is still going on, Aaron realizes belatedly. He's trying too hard to get his eyes to focus to really pay attention to it, and when he looks down at his hands they're so fucking blurry he's not even sure if they're his. They must be, though, because who else would they belong to? They can't be anyone else's hands, they wouldn't be in his lap if they were.

"Aaron," Andrew's voice says, and Aaron blinks and looks away from his blurry fingers. There's less noise now, and when Aaron forces his eyes to look around the room, he realizes that the others are gone. When did they leave? How long has he been sitting here? It can't have been that long, he wasn't — he wasn't gone that long.

Andrew is standing in front of him, he realizes — that's his face. That's his, his and Andrew's face. They're the same. That's his brother. Aaron wants to say something, tries to say something, but his voice isn't quite working and he doesn't get why.

"Aaron," Andrew says again, and Aaron returns his wandering eyes to his brother's face. Andrew looks... bored. Bored? Bored. He always looks bored, though. Except when he's angry. Or when he's talking to Neil. Or when... when he's playing Exy. Andrew likes Exy, he does, but he won't ever say it. That's okay, though. Aaron won't tell.

Then Andrew is holding up his hands, and Aaron follows their actions with his eyes. Andrew grabs hold of his hands, or at least that's what it looks like, but Aaron still can't really tell if they're his. He feels it, he thinks, but that could just be his mind playing tricks on him. The connection between visual reception and tactile stimuli fascinates him, but—

"Aaron," Andrew says a third time, and this time Aaron meets his eyes. Andrew breathes slowly, obvious enough that Aaron can slowly start to match it. It helps, he thinks, and his fingers twitch against Andrew's. Andrew squeezes his hands in return, not enough to hurt, but enough that Aaron can feel it. His eyes still aren't entirely focused yet, so he blinks a few more times, startles a bit when he feels tears fall onto his cheeks. When did that happen?

Andrew looks indifferent as ever, Aaron realizes as he takes another slow breath in time. There's nothing in his expression, but Aaron tries to see through that — Andrew stayed for a reason. Andrew's saying his name for a reason. A year ago, Aaron isn't sure he would have.

"Aaron," one more time, and whatever Andrew sees when they lock eyes again must convince him Aaron is okay. And he is, Aaron thinks, he thinks he's okay. Or at least he will be.

Andrew lets go of his hands and steps back, giving him another silent once-over before nodding to himself and walking out. The room feels empty without Andrew there, but it's enough of a motivator for Aaron to stand up and follow him.

nicky buys andrew rainbow socks at pride one year as a joke and also as a futile attempt to bond. he forgets about them, but andrew often wears them under his black boots (especially when they go to eden’s) and no one knows about it. years later, at psu, nicky walks in on neil and andrew asleep on the couch. and there, peeking out from under blankets and neil’s legs, are the rainbow socks on andrew’s feet. nicky doesn’t take a picture because it feels too personal, but his heart soars at the sight and he cherishes this small victory

it’s SO ADORABLE how eager matt was to join neil and kevin’s convo at the end of tkm when neil switched it back to english. like, no hesitation, he just jumped right in and offered his opinions and acted like it was totally normal. and all the while he was probably internally combusting of happiness because !! neil purposely brought the conversation back to english !!! specifically so that matt could be included !!!!!

neil was ready to die. he had accepted that he wasn’t going to live past 19, that he would be killed, that he wouldn’t do anything else with his life. and he was mourning the loss of exy and his teammates and friendship, but he didn’t bother mourning the loss of a domestic life because it never even occured to him that that could be a possibility. that dream died the night he ran away. he didn’t mourn the loss of lazy sleep-filled mornings or cat cuddles or holding hands or having his own place, because to him, that was always too far-fetched. he didn’t mourn for the small joys of domestic life, because he’d never had them in the first place

popping back in to ask: what are your fave fic tropes? do you have any fave fics to recommend that follow those tropes?

i KNEW that my notes document filled with fics i’ve read would come in handy someday! i’m a sucker for hurt/comfort and angst, those are always tags in my ao3 searches :) here are a few of my favourite aftg ones:

say something by Willow_bird - my most reread fic. andreil learn ASL bc neil goes mute sometimes. lots of content, awesome writing, fluffy but also angsty and lots of hurt/comfort

this is what hollows by constellationqueen - raven!neil, great writing, LOTS of angst, true to characters, in progress (i’m subscribed!)

heaven can’t help me now by history11huh - kevaaron fic (didn’t love the ship before reading this but obsessed now), love-hate relationship, definitely angsty, in progress (subscribed!)

a switchblade is my preferred weapon by badacts - raven!neil, diff povs, overall great, love it

staring at the sun by TheirHighestMajesty - jerejean fic! jean adjusting to the trojans. tons of angst and hurt/comfort. i vibe more with the first half of it and am not subscribed anymore, but i think it’s still in progress! highly recommend. (fair warning, the slowburn is... very slow)

the unkindness of ravens by crazy_like_a - raven!neil, first fic i ever bookmarked, wonderful writing, obsessed with this one. in progress, subscribed :)

be sure to read the TWs for these, especially the raven!neil ones, bc some parts are pretty dark

also most of these are pretty long LMAO i’m sorry, i like getting invested in fics. i also tend to skim filler chapters etc

Hey! I don’t know if this is what you’re referring to but I really like how Nicky is portrayed in the series “on the tip of my tongue (say something)” by willow_bird on ao3. Especially how perceptive he is about andreil in “TFW there’s a gaysplosion and you were not invited! (how rude!)”

omg YES that’s my favourite aftg fic series of all time and willow_bird absolutely did nicky justice, this rec is 10/10

Forehead kisses.

yes neil is absolutely clueless when it comes to people liking him, both platonically and romantically, but he’s honestly pretty perceptive when it comes to other people. he was able to analyse the relationships and dynamics between the foxes pretty quickly (for the most part) after meeting each of them, even without knowing their backstories or anything about them. i think that this is for a few reasons:

neil has spent his entire life looking for threats towards him, not love

the only person who ever really cared about him before he joined the foxes (from what we know) was his mom, who had very questionable ways of showing it (i could write a whole other post about mary)

neil didn’t actually expect anyone to care about him in any way, because he didn’t think he was worthy of friendships and had never really opened up enough for it to be a viable option 

he had to be good at quickly and discreetly analyzing other people’s relationships, because it was important to understand those around him on the run 

excluding all the times where he went off and snapped at people, he tended to listen more than talk, especially when in big groups. this is the perfect opportunity to absorb information about everyone else

that being said, he didn’t pick up on anyone caring about him, because that idea had never even crossed his mind

also, given that he hadn’t really known what romantic attraction felt like, it was probably pretty hard to place his feelings for andrew 

and andrew’s not exactly the easiest to read, so even for neil (who understands him significantly more than others do), it would’ve been hard to see that andrew liked him (esp since andrew was presenting his attraction as hate)

however!! it would’ve been a lot easier to pick out the subtleties in the relationships between the other foxes, because they’re generally more open 

basically, i think that neil actually isn’t completely clueless when it comes to love/lust/attraction between others, it’s just when it comes to himself - who he doesn’t think is worthy of anything good - that he’s a bit thick

okay uhhhh describe what neil looks like in your head (hair, if he has freckles, is he pale? etc.)

omg thank you for reading my tags and sending this ask hahah ily anon <3 okay so for me, neil has like wavy wiry hair and it’s a dark red/auburn, he has faint freckles but he wears hoods and so many layers that he doesn’t have a ton bc he’s protected from the sun, his eyes are just slightly too calculating and make him v intimidating (esp without the contacts), and he’s definitely pale - i get people wanting him to be tan but like,, have you ever seen a redhead tan?? nope! me neither! bc they burn and/or freckle (so i guess i picture him w extra freckles in the summer then too)

hEY remember how the foxes got a tv for the bus because they asked and wymack’s a sucker when it comes to his kids they won finals ?? can you imagine the CHAOS ??? these dumbasses can’t agree on a single thing, there’s no way choosing which movie to watch on their trips to games will cause anything other than absolute mayhem