Zero My Beloved

not quite there

*saeru voice*: no guys it's okay to define yourself by your grief it's completely healthy and cool and normal I Swear

they are real and canon TO ME!!!!!!!!!

thinking about how each line in "in hell we live, lament" could link to each sinner and how yi sang would be "if you wanted me to speak (why'd you make my voice stutter?)" and how in the wings the protagonist suspects his wife has been giving him sleeping meds instead of painkillers and how faust notes that yi sang's not usually that quiet and that it's a recent development and. Yeah,

Ooh It's this time of the year A very so merry night we hold dear So many, so many regrets bring me to tears Not many, not many notice nor care Oh, oh, oh, my saviour Oh, oh, oh Why does a common fire hold so much power? If only we could be forever naive and pure If only we could lead painless futures If only there could be a forgiving world

Maybe that was when I chose to stay fallen

Lights A star A voice A twisted thought A touch A kiss A distorted dream Ripples (ripples) A well (a well) A stone (a stone) A multiplying desire (desire) A fruit (a fruit) A sin (a sin) A holy mother I'm infected, I'm infected You have invaded and re-created me

Stepped over my body Found a sunny spot Curled into a ball Spinning out the silk From my head to toe Inside the warm cocoon, I dreamt to be like you Though I know there's no undo What do I have left to lose?

Split A sky An earth I fell into a crack (a crack) A birth (a birth) An egg (an egg) A freshly opened membrane A cell A rot A face returned to ashes A wound An art A sentient canvas

Breaking, breaking, breaking the shell Breaking out, oh break it now Show me how, show me how Listen up, my broken child Let's lament, let's lament The life, the death, the good, the bad The never ending curse we cast Control, control, control, release Control, betray, control, let go Conceal, reveal, unreal, surreal Invoke, evoke, decode, reload Let's lament, let's lament The past that only got to live in the incomplete holy land

Celestial (ayiah) We're astral (ayiou) I'm reborn (le rheaiah) Total liberation (katre o lamenta)

My tender skin A vagitus song (essential) I breathed (eventual) And screamed (eternal) From my new lungs (inevitable freeing of the soul)

when I said put anything in my ask box I wasn't expecting this (joking)

These guys are way too small to be this complex in my brain

same anon lol. follow up from my previous ask (I started thinking about oz and the original team more):

augh. Thinking about laurent genuinely trying to connect with makoto and failing. Thinking about him watching abbie and cynthia connect with makoto effortlessly, and feeling left out. Thinking about him talking to oz about it, and realising that oz knows nothing about makoto at all. laurent getting angry, because even he knows makoto better, and suddenly feels responsible for him. imagining laurent blaming oz, blaming shi-won because they "made" him this way, even though by now he's responsible for his own actions. I'm imagining shi-won specifically calling him out on this, because she's been there the longest. how even though he suffered, at some point he has to accept that his decisions were his own. and that arguably, makoto was put through far, far worse things than he was.

laurent empathising with makoto more and more and starting to feel kind of angry on his behalf, but realising that by now there's very little he can do... he can resent the remaining members of the original team confidence all he wants, but they've been so good to him. they're old friends but they're also walking wounds. he can blame shi-won for teaching dorothy, for bringing him to dorothy. he can blame oz for giving him makoto to work with. he can blame them, but it's not going to change anything. shi-won at least stuck by his side, so she's easier to forgive. oz is harder to forgive, even if he gave up everything for dorothy, for laurent. laurent is splitting hairs here, because he still blames them less than he blames himself.

I think once laurent has this realisation, he doesn't really know what to do with himself. he still does cons and stuff because he probably feels like anything else would be boring, but I think he now kind of wants to shoot oz (not shi-won, because like I said, her sticking directly by his side all those years makes it easier for him to "forgive" her). he gives himself reasons to hurt oz in these cons because he doesn't know when to quit a bad habit when he's spiralling. oz notices, but he doesn’t say anything. he does whatever laurent asks of him, because he's right. I don't think oz feels bad for laurent, however (I think he just feels bad for makoto at this point, because he's already processed most of his grief and self-loathing regarding miki).

I think oz is the type of person to mask his loneliness. he probably cares about laurent the same way two people in a jail cell care about each other. he does whatever laurent asks of him almost like a peace offering, because he's used to just playing whatever role people ask of him without question. he probably doesn't know who he is anymore, and he probably doesn't care. he'll just follow whatever laurent says because the memories he made with team confidence stick to him like old wallpaper, and he can't bring himself to peel them off. he traded one life for another, and he lost both of them.

unlike them, I imagine shi-won already made peace with her demons long ago. there's a reason she told kudo to just let his daughter go. there's a reason why she didn't get an arc to herself. I don't think she feels bad that they're going through this, but she probably tries to distract them once in a while because the one-sided tension between them is annoying to deal with.

sorry I'm a little skdjsjajfj about them

as it is, it feels to me that oz just goes along with what others want most of the time. he isn't too different from makoto in that regard orz

op how does it feel like to be the sexiest person on earth

god god god I LOVEE your thoughts about laurent theyre so incredibly great I've never seen more correct hcs than yours

laurent and oz bonding over fucking up makotos life augohfj its sad but. But. sigh

laurent empathizing with makoto and somehow relating to him now bc he realizes he kinda been through the same shit as him. but like. makoto dealt with way worse so he cant really say anything so he lashes out at the og team instead orz 😭

oz doing everything laurent asks kf him the same way makoto does too now . im going insanw now.

thanks op sorry i dont have anything to say bht please know that i fucking love all ur thoughts about this thank you so much you have opened my eyes

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confession attempt

Quick smiley meursault edit