I Wonder How Well I Could Do If I Managed My Time Wisely Instead Of Eating Cheese Its All Day. The World

I just snorted so hard in the middle of a restaurant

you’ve heard of the swear jar 

now get ready for the sin tin

Society: Blue is for boys! Pink is for Girls! Me: 

Okay, so we all know about the soulmate tattoo prompt, where if your soulmate writes something on their hands, arms, etc… you also get it, too, right? But just think about the tattoo having the mind of its own and only appears when it’s the right time to find your soulmate? Like suddenly, out of nowhere, “Get on your bike and go to the park” appears on your arm. And then just imagine the tattoo being piss bc you keep looking for the wrong person, like “OMFG, not him, you dumbass, the one to the left!!” “Wait, no, it’s not him!! Stoppp!!!” And how happy it is when you finally found your them, like “ITS HIM, GET HIM” “Jeez, took you long enough!”

The word “discourse” is ruined for me forever, maybe even more than the word “problematic”

Like this New Testament professor I was listening to the other day kept talking about “the discourses of Matthew” and all I could think about was like, Jesus accusing the pharisees of being messiahphobic

i hope the ice age series just continues alongside history despite it not being an ice age anymore and we get up to like ice age 67: the great depression, which was also somehow started by that squirrel trying to get the acorn

when you think the gif is frozen and you stare at it for like 5 minutes and ur like oh thats just a picture

A lonely barista looks out. People pass by the foggy window when they see it. A single flake falling from the night sky. They gasp, throat closing up. They drag their feet over the specials board, despair crawling up their throat as they erase Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Pumpkin has come to an end. Peppermint has risen. The old king is dead, long live the king.

fam if donald trump wins the election you gonna catch me in canada drinkin bagged milk and flexin with free healthcare