Just me... Coffee girl🖤 Pieces of my life... Love summer, coffee, meditation, old movies , "Gone with the wind". I'm fic writer☺️
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Latest Posts by polinka22malinka - Page 2
And gloves and a warm coat again... 5 degrees outside the window, but they say it's only for one day... Waiting for warmth... ☀️
Sheltered from the weather at home, from the strong wind that brought wet snow to our city, I decided to make myself a coffee and continue sharing my thoughts...
I know how to be a friend.
I grew up surrounded by grandmothers who said, "You can't trust anyone." "Friends aren't real." "Everyone betrays except the family." But family was not easy, I grew up early and friends turned out to be the people I could rely on in any situation in life. It wasn't always perfect, but people have good hearts and can forgive.
I never had male friends. I mean, there were girlfriends' boyfriends, girlfriends' husbands, my brother and my uncle, with whom I am only 7 years apart. There were colleagues. There was a friend of my husband's who at some point in our life became more of a friend of mine. He used to call me, he used to come over when I was alone at home with my son, I even used to joke with him and say, "Well, call him (husband) and arrange your time, we'll sit all together." But he got married and communication became minimal.
Men have always been interesting to me as individuals, I did not like all those female conversations with clichéd phrases that "all men are the same", I was silent and annoyed. This is not the case and all men are so different, so interesting! There is a whole world behind each one of them.
And it is such happiness or luck or magic to find a very similar person in this huge world. Honestly, it's like a gift from heaven, unexpected, inspiring. When you feel free to talk about your favourite movies, books, discuss art, talk about writing fanfics and not feel ridiculous! Not to make excuses for your taste... And also lifting the veil of secrecy and sharing your playlist (which you call "silent shame" because of your weird taste in music) *smiling* is, I think, the ultimate in trust.
Yes, I definitely know how to be a friend.
I decided to share here my thoughts and emotions that I am alone with and that have filled me from the inside out and need an exit.
At first I was afraid, but I thought that my Tumblr is read by 2-3 people, it's like a diary for me, it's personal, it's not Instagram. It is what it was and is because I have not deleted a single post, they are all about me and my life. I often tell my close people that I am also real here, in my online life. I don't like plays, although I think I could be a great actress, and what photos I can take! Everyone would believe it...
But I choose to be real...
I'll probably write a few posts and then I'll run out of words. I have so many questions inside me right now and I keep asking myself in circles.
I feel like I am falling into the same trap. Like when I was 16, 22 and 29... And now that I'm almost 34, I'm back at the same point, with the same emotions. With the same questions for myself. Questions about friendship, about human communication...
I have always been the side with whom communication suddenly stopped, almost without explanation, let alone the possibility of explaining myself. I still wonder what it's like to be on the other side, but I probably wouldn't want to experience that in my life. I don't want those emotions any more, because they turn out to be the same as they were when I was 16, 22 and 29. Can I call them "unpleasant"?
Last spring was the same for me, I was looking forward to it, cheering up everyone around me when the snow caught up with us and covered our yards and streets, but April came, it melted, everyone around me sighed and smiled, and I was confused... Spring came, but my soul felt empty. Last year I filled that emptiness with my stories and wrote a lot.
This spring seemed different, but April came and I was confused again...
I put on my sunglasses, put on my headphones and walk.
Today I wasn't afraid to get my shoes dirty.
Having coffee with someone in the morning is always about love for me... ☀️
My inspiration for Chapter 28 of the story "Trying to remember" 🩷
We drove out of the city towards the river. My friend was concentrating on driving, but I could feel her worried and warm gaze on me from time to time.
I cried in the passenger seat and just kept repeating to her, "Well, what an idiot I am... I mean, there's not a single reason not to think that I'm an idiot..."
Her voice was calm, soft, even maternal (I had no such support in my life, but I instinctively felt it). "You're not an idiot. Don't even think like that... You just have a very big and kind heart... You share your warmth, there's enough for everyone, Dear. You see... For your family, your friends, and even..." here she stopped talking for a second and added, "you have to keep sharing and..."
"I don't want to," I whispered to her, clearly aware of why.
"You are so... And your heart is so... You have to keep sharing... Things will get better..."
At that moment I was so grateful to her and to myself that I wasn't alone.
One day I'll tell the whole truth about this trip...
One day I'll probably write something about it...
But today...
Today it's important to breathe, to fill my lungs with cold air.
My oversized grey hoodie and a cappuccino with violet syrup are the perfect company for this morning 👌💜
The day I wasn't late for the cinema...
The day I realized something very important that made me feel... Well, it doesn't matter how it feels now, what matters is how it felt before.
I remember my grandmother's words, "Polina, never say the phrase "I'll never..." You are challenging, Dear. To yourself, to the Universe, to God, to providence, to destiny... Whoever..."
Of course I didn't listen and my next "never..." became "one day..." again.
Ruffled hair under my cap, a red nose from the cold and sarcasm are my companions this morning 😼
I think I enjoyed photographing these wires that feed the heart of the city like arteries...
They look very different against the sky... Crossing with plane trails, clouds, sun rays... It looks like art...🩵
Good morning... ☀️
When thoughts cross like lines in the sky .... 🩵
White shirt and warm summer like inspiration today ☀️
When you see only black branches for six months, it is true magic... simple and real. It's here and it is... 💛☀️
A morning about my son calling my skirt "invisible" 😅☀️