Latest Posts by pacificcurrent - Page 4

Spn Finale

All I’ve heard about it is that Jared cried, it’s supposed to be worse than Swan Song, and that it will be really depressing.  And “They go there.” All I can think is that by the end of the finale Dean has completed the MoC cycle and killed Crowley, Cas, and Sam.  Snaps out of it somehow and then kills himself and at the end of the season EVERYONE is dead....  then Season 11 takes place somewhere other than Earth lol 

Just A Thought About Cas and Dean's Lack of Interaction

The nice thing about Dean and Cas is that even if they don't interact for long periods of time, their relationship, respect, admiration, and love for each other remains just as strong.  (Note: I am talking about time and distance here... not their actions and consequences) Cas is always thinking about Dean and how he can help him.  Dean asks about Cas and checks up on him a lot.  It's not an "out of sight, out of mind" kind of relationship. 

Not being together and talking all the time doesn't mean that the intensity of their relationship is fading in any way.  Albeit some people are more needy and have to be around the person they love 24/7 or they wilt, but Cas and Dean - in my opinion- are not those kind of people.  

Cas is an angel and he has a sense of duty.  He needs to be doing something to help Heaven or to help Dean.  A lot of times that means leaving Dean alone, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about him any less.  

Dean himself has a lot on his plate and can't tag along with Cas every time he has to go somewhere.  I'm sure he doesn't want to either.  He has his own duties to perform. Even with Sammy.  Dean isn't with Sam all the time either, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't offer up his life and soul for him at the drop of a hat.  

There are some relationships that transcend time and distance.  For example:  I have a friend who I live 3,000 miles from.  We've been best friends for our whole lives.  We check in on each other every so often via text, e-mail, messenger... but we're both very busy people and so it doesn't happen that often.  I see her maybe once every 2 years now, if I'm lucky once a year...  Every time I go back and see her though, it's like nothing changed.  We still love each other to pieces and our relationship is exactly the same even with the time, distance, and sparse communication.   Now while, that's an example of friendship, romantic love can be the same way.  On a sad and morbid note, many people who have lost someone they love, don't cease to love them just because they're gone.  Stuff like that doesn't fade.  The pain may go away, but the love will always be there.  

I believe that Dean and Cas and Dean and Sam have that kind of relationship.  That no matter how much time passes, they'll still love each other.   Sometimes when they finally are able to see each other though, there are more pressing matters at hand than bonding.  Sometimes stuff works out that way.  Again, preoccupation with saving the world or stopping evil doesn't mean that feelings are lost, fading, or dying.  It just means they're busy.  They'll find time for each other and when they do finally get to sit down and interact without immediate concerns, it's usually a wonderful sight.   So please don't worry about any lack of interaction between them!  :) 

This show kills me....

I have the most awful image of Dean after Castiel dying in my head.   I keep reading all these wonderful metas pointing out how Dean sleeps on one side of his bed and has it set up for two.  Now I keep picturing Dean taking a pic of Cas and putting it on the pillow where Cas should be and he just lies next to it on his side of the bed and stares at it while he falls asleep.   Can someone draw this for me please????  (Or if it's already out there can someone show it to me?! :) Thanks! )

Jensen's "Homophobia," the JIB Fiasco, and the Future of Destiel

“There wasn’t a whole lot of Dean and Cas storyline in Season 9.  Personally, I kind of enjoy that.  I think the whole Dean and Cas thing has gotten a little out of proportion. But that’s not to say… I think it’s a kindred spirit…  I think Cas finds identity with Dean…  I don’t think there’s anything secret to the relationship even though a lot of people wish there was.  I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that, so…”

Just reading some of those lines I can see where peoples’ thoughts went.  Probably something like this (correct me if I’m wrong, but these are the exact thoughts that people have had that I’ve seen on the #destiel feed in response to this): “He doesn’t like Dean and Cas scenes!  He was happy that they were apart!  This makes me so sad.  He thinks it’s stupid and out of proportion?  I feel sick and hurt…  Does he think that we’re like that too?  Kindred spirits?!  That’s such a no homo!  It’s because he’s homophobic…  He finally said it.  I wish they had said it sooner so I wouldn’t have to go through all this hurt and pain.  Destiel is sunk.  Goodbye!” Now, I see where everyone is coming from, like I said before we take this seriously.  But I feel sometimes that when conventions come around, we’re so caught up in the marvel of being in their presence that we don’t really listen to what they say (which is hilarious if you think about it, because all we do is analyze their characters to death).  Now look at what he says and really analyze it.  “There wasn’t a whole lot of Dean and Cas storyline in Season 9.”  That is truth.  There wasn’t, in comparison to the last season and compared to the rest of the stuff going on in S9.  I know a lot of us were complaining about this, so what he says is truth here.  But nothing to get upset over.  We already know this bit.  “Personally I kind of enjoy that. I think the whole Dean and Cas thing has gotten a little out of proportion.”  Now this here is his thoughts and opinions on the matter.  This I think is where a lot of people got sad, because the actor doesn’t want their views to come true.  He thinks that the Destiel thing has “gotten a little out of proportion.”  That term “proportion” is the key word that tells us that he is not being homophobic.  Proportion insinuates that there is a balance, something is proportionate.  There needs to be a balance in everything including the Destiel ship.  I think when he refers to it being out of balance, he is NOT referring to people shipping it in general.  He is NOT referring to the fanart or fanfics.  I DO believe he is referring to the fact that people are so protective over it that they are willing to send hate mail and cyber bully actors, writers, directors, and even executives over it.  And I do agree with that.  Cyber bullying is NOT okay.  No form of bullying is.  I think he feels comforted and relieved that on the show there is less fodder to provide fans with.  He’s hoping that the intensity of the ship dies down a little so everyone doesn’t feel like they are- to quote Misha- “walking on eggshells.”  That gets tiring.  They don’t want to upset any of us.  But we get upset when we are not told what’s going on...  But we ALSO get upset when we are told what is going on.  They can’t win with us.  We don’t let them.  And that’s stressful to a show that actually tries it’s best to cater to the fans and who actually LIKE us (from what we can tell… I mean what other show has so many actors that treat us like people?).  He also laughs while he says this in the video (watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGb86J2iXQs).  He doesn’t sound disgusted.  He doesn’t sound like he thinks it’s a bad thing.  It sounds like he thinks it’s a bit ridiculous… you know… this huge positive and slightly intimidating reaction to the relationship that was never meant to happen in the first place?  He realizes how it sounds though when he finishes what he says and because he doesn’t want to upset anyone, he tries his best to be respectful and says:  “But that’s not to say… I think it’s a kindred spirit…  I think Cas finds identity with Dean…”  This again is his opinion.  He’s not saying that Cas and Dean don’t have a bond.  But he believes that bond to be less sexual and more kindred spirit.  Now, go look up synonyms for kindred spirit… Right now.  I’ll wait for you to come back. Find them?  Good.  THAT is HUGE!!!  Essentially he says that what Dean and Cas have is an alter ego, a confidante, a companion, a friend, a “heart’s desire,” a help mate, a kindred soul, a lover, one’s promised, a partner, a true love, a soul mate.  And for me, when I watched the video and saw that he said this, I was SO EXCITED.  This is how I’ve always viewed Dean and Cas.  Soul mates.  Someone to be with forever, who get each other, and support each other.  I feel that this is more beautiful than sex or romance.  Cas also does find identity with Dean.  Look at all the things he’s adopted that Dean likes and does.  But don’t you also idolize the one you connect with most?  I sure do.  My husband is amazing and while I have my own stuff, I do admire him as much as he admires me and we sometimes adopt each other’s likes and habits.

And if you believe this, then what he says next makes all the more sense.  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to the relationship even though a lot of people wish there was.  I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that, so…”  There ISN’T anything secret to it.  We already know Cas loves Dean and Dean loves Cas.  That they would do anything for each other.  That they would die for each other.  That they are kindred spirits.  This isn’t secret.  The secret he is referring to, I believe, is the sex and the romance aspect that “a lot of people wish there was.”  Dean’s never been one for romance and for him to have a secret romance with Cas I feel and I think he also feels would be OOC.  It’s the same reason that the “I love you” was taken out.  It’s not a no homo.  It’s keeping him in character.  Dean, I think (maybe if I’m remembering correctly) said “I love you” to Sam once.  Once!  Sammy, the person he cares for most in this world he has said it to ONCE (if that).  It’s not Dean’s style to say he loves people.  He just shows it by trying to keep them safe, by sacrificing his own needs for theirs.  So romance for Dean is not something that I’ve ever seen happening.  I mean, even with Lisa and Cassie?  He was never mushy or gushy with them.  So why would he be with anyone else?  Canonically he did love them.  Being romantic is just not who Dean is.  Dean is not good at the “love and… love” thing.  He said so himself.  That doesn’t mean he’s not a romantic at heart or that he does not love.  Just that he’s not the type to express it.   The sexual thing…  Dean has had one hook up recently and before that he didn’t have anyone for like a few seasons.  Dean is pretty much done with sex.  He’s done the do and it’s getting old when there is always the “adios.”  So what he’s saying is there is no secret romance or sex life between them, not that there isn’t love.  He’s not looking for sex.  He’s not looking for romance.  Dean is looking for someone to just be at his side.  A kindred spirit.  And that’s not secret.  Side note: notice that he says “a lot of people.”  He’s acknowledging that Destiel shippers are not a small part of the fandom.  He knows there’s a lot of us out there.    And as far as him and Misha not playing their relationship like that?  I believe he’s referring to the fact that he’s not playing like Dean has secret sex and snuggle time with Cas.  He’s referring to the fact that he’s not playing Dean as wanting to bang or cuddle with Cas at all (because like I said… Dean isn’t looking for sex or romance… he’s looking for his soul mate).  That doesn’t mean he doesn’t play Dean as loving Cas and having a special bond with him.  Now in reference to when they take things out like the “I love you” and the naked Deans… I don’t see this as them being “no homo.”  It was written there.  They wanted to go for it! This to me seems like a case where the writers are eager to give us something that we want (because they love us) and the actors are trying to keep their characters, in character about it.  I think this is what Jared meant when he said, “We didn’t want to make the episode seem like it was… like we’re hinting towards something.  Because that would have ruined the show to make it about something it wasn’t about.”  Now this can definitely be taken as “he thinks gay relationships would ruin the show.”  But again that’s not how I see what he meant.  Putting pictures of naked Dean would have hinted to us that Cas was sexually attracted to Dean and that Cas and Deans’ relationship was going to be a large part of the show.  Cas is in love with Dean, but we haven’t seen anything saying he was sexually attracted (yet).  And they didn’t want to lead us on about how big a part their relationship is in the show so they cut it.  I mean wouldn’t you be upset if you got that scene and then the rest was downplayed, because there’s just not enough room in the show to really expand on that?  Cas isn’t looking for sex either.  He’s not looking for romance just like Dean.  He’s just looking for Dean himself.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Personally, I don’t think they’re setting Dean up for a romance with Cas…  I think they’re setting them up to be soul mates.  Soul mates don’t have to have sex or hold hands to be in love.  They don’t need that because their love is stronger than physical affection.   Most importantly, and I feel a lot of people miss this… is that physical affection isn’t something that either of them need.  Their needs as individuals are not physical…  They’re emotional.  They’ve always been emotional needs.  Emotional can be physical, but what they are looking for is someone who accepts them and loves them unconditionally.  Someone to be with them forever.  Dean doesn’t do romance and Cas doesn’t know how.  So they show each other their love in manly gruff ways of sacrifice and sharing pieces of their lives.  And that’s how they best fill each other’s voids.  It’s not the same way that we usually show love, but this is the best most in character way the actors feel that Dean and Cas would show.      

Now that bit about ruining the show?  He’s not saying that Destiel would ruin the show because they’re gay.  He’s saying that it would ruin the show, because their relationship is not what the show is about.  It’s a small part of a bigger picture.  I can’t say the show is about two brothers’ anymore.  It’s more than that.  It’s about saving people, hunting things, free will, survival, and finding happiness somewhere in the middle of that.  So Dean and Cas’ relationship is a very small part of a larger picture, even though it is there.  They still find times to throw us hints now and again when they can, but by throwing out huge hints to it would make the show into something it’s not… the “Will-They-Won’t-They Dean and Cas show.”  Or just the “Dean and Cas Show” if they ever went through with it.  To bring them together and do their relationship justice, they would have to do character development based on their relationship after it was made canon and again… there’s just not time in the show for that.  It would have to be something small, sweet, background, and soulful… kind of like what we’ve been getting in S8 and parts of S9 and I'm guessing in S10. WE WOULD LOVE A DEAN AND CAS SHOW and if we got everything that we wanted (declaration of love, kiss, dates, consummation, etc), that’s what it would be and that’s not what Supernatural is.  So they give us small bits here and there, but ultimately that’s all they can do for now if they want to be true to the show’s purpose... ...To kill things (including our favorite characters).  lol 

And again, to clarify.  I AM NOT TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION ON ANYTHING.  I am stating what my thoughts, opinions, and beliefs on this matter are.  I am sharing, not dictating or telling people what to do.  I will offer the notion to stay positive and love yourself and treasure what you believe in, because that’s really what matters but it’s up to you to do what you will with that.  I think we’re a stellar community who sometimes fights like family does, but overall love each other and I feel that we should support one another… especially those that have fostered this fandom to begin with:  the creators, writers, cast, and crew of Supernatural. 

Congrats if you got to the end of this!  It was 10 pages long and I hope that if you were feeling down about anything that was said that maybe this made you feel at least a tad bit better?  :)   If not, I gives you a cyber cookie.  They’re delicious.  Just take a byte and imagine how delicious it is!  Okay I’m done being corny.  Anyways, I hope all of you feel better and try not to take things too hard.  You’re wonderful people and don’t let anyone convince you differently!!  

He Just Wants to Be An Angel

"I just want to be an angel." This to me sounds a lot like Cas is regretful that he wasn't able to stop Dean's death.  ie.  If only I had been an angel this wouldn't have happened.  If only I had been an angel I could have saved Dean.   Cas thinks Dean is dead.  Would you really want to see the dead body of the person you love?  You may want to get there, but then won't you hesitate outside the door anyways?  Deans' body isn't going anywhere just yet and Cas doesn't want to see it right this second so he's just tying up loose ends in Heaven.  He'll go to see him I'm sure.   But that statement just sounds like a broken person who is frustrated that they couldn't do more, that he didn't have more to give and be more useful to Dean and Dean is now "dead."   He just wants to be an angel, to be useful again...  Back when he could just simply help, when he had more to give and sacrifice to Dean.  But he has to learn that his angelic powers aren't his only way to express his love to Dean and isn't just the only thing that can help.  Just his love and acceptance of Dean I think is what is really going to help Dean out in the end.   Honestly I think Cas when he sees that Dean is alive is just going to be relieved and hug demon!Dean and then try and help Sam figure out a way to get Dean back to being human.  

How I Thought the Finale Was Going to End Was Much Worse

I must also express my relief at the season finale.  It was upsetting as it was, but I was imagining it so much worse. This show just seems to rip my heart to shreds so this finale was my "best case scenario" ending.   My "worst case scenario" involved this: Dean kills Metatron and goes into a murderous frenzy where he is incoherent and nothing is as it seems.  In this frenzy he starts trying to kill Sam and deals him a fatal blow when Cas suddenly intervenes to save Sam and Dean kills Cas accidentally.  This snaps him out of it, because he's in love with Cas and he sees what he's done as Cas crumples to the floor slowly and Dean is paralyzed as the last bit of grace explodes from Cas' body.  Dean sees Sam dying and truly believes he himself is evil and realizes he can't control the MoC and kills himself on the First Blade.  Sam watches in horror as Dean impales himself and crawls over to him and Dean is dying and crying and saying he's sorry and Sam is trying to calm down Dean even though he is also dying and reassure him that Dean isn't evil, that it wasn't his fault even though Dean knows it is his fault and Dean dies in Sam's arms and Sam lays next to Dean crying and grabs Dean's hand tight and looks to the side of him seeing Cas' dead body and grabs Cas' hand and then Sam lays back, tears slowing as sleep takes hold and he also dies.   And we are left with all of TFW dead and holding hands.   Then suddenly Gabriel and Chuck appear standing over the three.  Gabriel is smirking "Well lookie what I found."   Chuck looks burdened and walks around a little like this is an annoyance, a kink in the hose.  "They always did fight the script and look where it gets them..." Chuck looks down at the three a bit sadly, but then smiles. "But we can't have that...  There's still a story to finish here." Chuck smiles and then snaps his fingers and we we end the scene.   BECAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF STUFF THAT THEY HAVE MADE ME EXPECT TO SEE!!!!  Everyone is always dying... so how do they make it worse???  KILL EVERYONE.  Ugggh....  It's so sad that I actually half expected that ending, that I am that traumatized lol  

Demon!Dean Brings Us Closer to Destiel!!!!! :D

So I see a lot of people are upset that Dean's a demon and that Destiel seems far away.     I personally feel like it's actually gotten closer, especially if you believe in the Dean/Cain parallels.   Dean wasn't a demon yet so he wasn't truly paralleling Cain.  Now that he's become a demon, we can actually have that parallel.   Now Cas is supposed to represent Collette in this parallel (I'd like to think we agree) and Collette loved Cain despite what he was.  We know that Cas has seen Dean at his worst in Hell, but I'm willing to bet that most casual watchers don't really remember that.  So having Dean actually as 100% demon is going to put him even further down than he was when Cas found him in Hell.   When Cas finds Dean and still accepts him and loves him even as a demon, then the audience will be reminded that Cas accepts Dean even at his worst, Cas' love for Dean will be even more epic, and when Cas breaks the MoC hold on Dean while he's FULLY demon and not just under the influence of the blade it's going to be SOOOOOOO much more powerful and undeniable.   I mean, we have a hard time dealing with their love as it is... Can you imagine if it just gets deeper?  It's going to make half the fandom just spontaneously combust in a gooey mess of feels.   I look forward to S10 :D

The Road So Far S9 & Cas In Love With Dean

Cas being in love with Dean is definitely canon.  :)   I mean, we've all known it, but last night confirmed it with Metatrons' little speech about Cas doing everything not for humanity, not for the Winchesters, but for Dean Winchester alone. But that wasn't just our only little clue that it was intentional, that we were supposed to come to that conclusion.  The other thing that confirms this was "The Road So Far."  In these season recaps, they always highlight the important points of the season.  Yeah there's shots of them just generally being badass and killing stuff, but anything that they deem important enough to be voiced over in the "The Road So Far" is stuff that they want you to remember for the season finale, important things that happened during the season.  And you know what line was voiced over in last nights?    :) "You just gave up an entire army for one man." Now why would they put that line in the recap?  Because they wanted us to really draw the conclusion that Cas is in love with Dean and that "no, this isn't a mistake and you're not reading it wrong, think about this line while watching the episode and if you listen to the characters, what do you get?" Everything for one man.  Always for Dean Winchester. Again, why?  Just to throw us a bone?  Nope.   Because it's important.  Cas' feelings for Dean, their whole relationship is something that is important.  It's a plot point that I think is going to only intensify and really shine in S10 and we had to be reminded of it in the finale, but without overshadowing everything else that's going on.  It had to be obvious, but not in your face (which is hard to do, because their love is so epic).     At least that's what I took from it.  :P  If you don't agree, that's totally cool, but this is just what I'm seeing from the episode.  

I Think Metatron Has Known Cas Loves Dean Since S8...

I'm convinced that Metatron knows that Cas is in love with Dean and I'm convinced that he's known it since S8.  I think Metatron was tailing Cas when Cas went to the gas station.  There's a reason for that scene and it's to show Metatron that Cas is pretty much willing to assault some poor defenseless human for pie to make Dean happy.   The moment that Cas shows this, Metatron conveniently appears.  Why?  Because he's found what he needs for his spell to work.  An angel who has enough power to do some dirty work to kill the nephilim, who is naive enough to believe him, and who is in love (possible specifically with a human).   And since Cas has always been a meddlesome angel who seems to crash everyone's plans he tells him to "find a wife, make babies" to try and keep him away from Dean, otherwise he'll get sucked right back in and Metatron wanted him out of the picture.   Plans had to be altered though when Cas completely ignored what he said in favor of helping Dean and the fallen angels (though he tried for a little while), re-entering the picture.  So, he made this elaborate plot to make the angels turn away from Cas and follow himself, but he is severely underestimating Team Free Will >:)  That's my theory, but who really knows?

Why Did They Take Out the Naked Deans From Cas' Fake Heaven?

This is my wishful thinking/speculation that the reason they took the Dean pictures out of Cas' personal fake heaven was because it would basically confirm outright with no ability to see around it that Cas is IN LOVE with Dean and maybe they want to save that confirmation for tonights' finale to be even more dramatic and because if they're going to do this they want to do it big (no pun intended) and right? :3  Please Please Please Please PLEASE!!!  ::wishful thinking::

Last Nights' Episode and Why I'm Excited! :D

I know some are upset at the fact that besides the hug, there really wasn't much Dean/Cas interaction and I understand your frustration.  We love this ship so much (sometimes more than we should :P  who am I kidding, is that even possible?) and we want to see it represented so badly in every scene that they're in together. I personally am not upset by last nights' episode, if anything it made me more excited for the last two episodes.  Here's why :) Part of the reason I don't think we got a lot of Dean/Cas cutesy stuff is because of the MoC.  It's been making Dean, not Dean.  That inwardly nerdy and super squishy guy in S8 and the beginning of S9 has been fading away, mostly because of the mark.   The same thing happened to Cain I'm sure, until Collette.  So if Dean was squishy with Cas last night, I personally would have actually found that a bit OOC and I would find his berserker transformation with the mark very inconsistent and less believable.   It also sets us up for a reverse!crypt scene.  If Dean was to be normal without the blade and only crazy when the blade is in hand then that would mean there is a still an integral part of himself that is surfaced and would most likely make any connection to the blade easier to break (as easy as knocking it from his hand), but with the blade changing him as a person as a whole even without the blade, makes it more like a mind control situation (similar to that of the S8 crypt scene). P.S. If Cas breaks his connection to the blade while Dean is in full MoC mode I will literally cry tears of happiness!!! The other reason I'm not really upset is that there was A LOT of important plot and character stuff they crammed into that episode last night.  That stuff needed to happen and I think in doing so, it gives us more room in the last 2 eps to work with, which I'm assuming are going to mostly focus on Metatron and the MoC.   These two things I feel are going to be very Team Free Will centered so there should be quite a bit of Dean/Cas interaction and will hopefully lead into some sort of Destiel type of thing.  I don't for see them being separated for too long during this time.  Cas is worried about Dean, and Sam and Dean are going to be helping Cas with the Metatron stuff, especially since Abaddon is out of the picture.   Side note: I have somewhat of a feeling that if they make a reverse!crypt scene in these last 2 eps that they're going to have another open ended question like last seasons' "What broke the connection?" except it's going to be like "in your face obvious" what they mean and there will be no way for them to interpret it any other way, reiterating the fact that their connection to each other is very important and then one of the character plot arcs in S10 will be dealing with their realization of what that connection truly is.   Anyways, not trying to change people's feelings on the episode (everyone's free to feel what they feel), but these are just my feelings on it and frankly I'm so stoked for the next to eps!!! :) ::crosses fingers for Destiel::

I Can't Get Enough of the Crypt Scene

I love the crypt scene for so many reasons.  My favorite line though is: "It's me."   The way he says it implies that he knows that he's special to Cas.  "Hey!  It's me!  The guy you're in love with you have a profound bond with!"  (Though with less enthusiasm and more angst than I wrote).  He's admitting that there's a connection between them there with those two words.   Then he cements it with the "We're family.  We need you.  I need you."  The "we're family" brings Cas into the personal rather than the practical.  He's family, not a tool.  "We need you" brings Sam into the equation.  Sam and Dean need Cas on a personal level.  Then "I need you" denotes Deans affection for Cas on a personal level.  This reiteration means that Deans affections for Cas are different than the ones that Sam has which is basically a confession that he returns Cas' feelings. But I always get hung up on the "It's me" because it shows that he's aware of how Cas views him :3   I hope we get a reversal this season!!!  It would be beautiful!! 

A Life Partner for Dean

Ugh, these two break my soul sometimes! Just thinking about what Dean's looking for in a love interest.  I think most of us can agree that love is a prominent theme currently and that there are a lot of indicators pointing to the fact that Dean is thinking about having someone in his life.  Someone to love. Personally, I feel that at this point in his life Dean is not looking for your typical love interest, especially after that episode where he attended the chastity group and said some pretty interesting things about his one night stands and always with the "adios." Dean has had a life time of sex and one night stands.  Sex was always one of his fun "go to" things to do.  Something he enjoyed, but now that he's older and after some poor experiences and the weight of always being alone after, sex doesn't seem that important to him at the moment.  There has been a distinct lack of it in the past few seasons to kind of support that. I feel that Dean is looking for not so much someone to just love....  I feel Dean is looking for a life partner. Literally, a partner in crime for life.   I think he is looking for someone who accepts him for who he is and who won’t back away, someone strong and who he trusts, someone who appreciates him and who he connects with, someone who understands him, even empathizes with him in some ways and won’t make him change, someone who wants to, can, and WILL spend the rest of their life with him.   I just see him wanting someone in his life who will ride off into the sunset with him, quietly in the passenger seat, enjoying each others' company while Baby plays some rock.  Someone who when he's done reading something, he goes to switch off the light next to him and glances over and someone is there, sleeping.  Someone who he can count on to be there with him for the remainder of their life. And I just can't help, but picture Cas in all of this.  :(  I just picture the two of them...   They'd be the kind of couple you meet on the street and you can instantly tell they're together and that they love each other on the deepest of levels, but they give no indication otherwise.  They don't look at each other, they don't touch each other.  They don't need to, but there just seems to be this unseen entity surrounding them, bonding them together profoundly and you just know.  And they know.   Ugh, sorry for my feels, they're just killing me!!!   As always, don't take anything I say to heart.  Just my ponderings, reflections, and feelings.  :)

How I Got Started Into Destiel and Where It's Headed

Sorry, yet another long piece, but I feel it needs to be said.  I apologize as my thoughts tend to jump around a lot when I do these and sometimes it can be a bit confusing.  

Just to clarify, I am not hating on ANYONE and these thoughts are my opinions so you don't have to take anything I say to heart if it doesn't coincide with your belief.  

I hope though that it may bring a little peace and calm about recent events to at least a few.  :)  

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I have been watching Supernatural since episode 1 of season 1 aired.  

I am also a Destiel shipper.  It took me a while to actually see it though.  

I was in the middle of season 6 when I found out that shipping Dean and Cas together was actually a thing.  I honestly had never even thought of them as a pairing.  They seemed too platonic at the time and I didn't really get it, but I'm the type of person that doesn't care what people ship as long as they love their ship.

I ended up looking it up, curiosity getting the better of me, to see why people were shipping these two.  What was the driving force?  Looking at a few things I started to think,"Oh, okay.  I guess I can kinda see how they could ship that."  

It was a fun ship though and so I dabbled in it a bit and then read some meta on everything and decided to ship it.  I liked it, they were cute, you could kinda reason that they might be in love.

Season 7 rolled around and I was like "Haha, that was definitely a shout out...  Too funny!" for some of it.  They were showing their fans that they do listen to what they say, even if they can't give them it 100% what they want.  I appreciate it when they do that.  They are trying.

But I honestly really didn't see it with these two until it was brought to my attention, which is probably how most of the audience has been.  Not everyone who watches t.v. picks apart every little thing that is thrown in like sharp and avid fans do (this is meant as a compliment).  Most, like myself, just take the obvious and roll with it.

Then season 8 rolled around... and I kinda stopped myself and was like... "Are they?"  

The writers and actors kind of toed the line a bit more obviously.  Something in season 8 had switched from the previous seasons concerning Dean and Cas.  This is where a lot more people, especially casual watchers took notice.  

I've been interested to see how far they would push it and watching the beginning of season 9, they are basically giving us a fanfic with these two.  

Dean giving a heartfelt prayer to Cas and saying "I need you here"?  Cas getting stabbed just as Dean comes to rescue him, Dean breaking after realizing he was too late, his relief when Cas is alive again?  How HAPPY Dean is that Cas is in the bunker with them?  When was the last time that you saw Dean really smile so joyously as Cas being in the bunker, conversing, safe, and with him?  Then to throw even more drama into their relationship, having Dean lie to Cas and make him leave?  

This is like that part in a fic where you want to stop reading because it hurts too much, but you keep going because you KNOW it's going to get resolved after much heartache (unless this is a death fic).

Now a lot of people are upset about this, but this is what we've been asking for really.  

We want more Destiel action.  We can't have a Destiel arc without some drama between the two of them.  Do you know how guilty Dean is going to feel?  How badly he's going to be pining for Cas to come back?  He FINALLY had Cas where he could just STAY and now he has to be the one to make him leave.  

If you think that this is the writers trying to break their relationship apart for good, then I must ask where you all dropped those wonderful insights of yours?  The ones that were able to see where all this was headed WAY before people such as myself?  If you can't see that this is the way that Dean and Cas's relationship is going to grow stronger, I don't know what to tell you.  

Just because Destiel is not canon and has never been canon, does not mean that it doesn't exist or that it won't.  Doesn't mean we shouldn't stop shipping it.  

How many of your ships have actually been canon?  Quite a few have not been I'm sure if you're like me.  

Does that mean that we stop shipping them?  No! 

Even if they gain a love interest?  Hell No!!

Because when you ship a ship, you see it for what it is.  No one can convince you otherwise if that's what you believe in.  

I choose to believe in Dean and Castiel's relationship, whether it be canon or not.  I believe it is there.  I believe it is strong.  I believe nothing will be able to keep them apart.  

The truth however, about Destiel, is that it was never intended to exist.  When this show was created Castiel most likely wasn't even a concept.  This story originally started with 2 brothers killing things.  Now this story is about those 2 brothers and their adopted family killing things.

So where then, do I think this show is heading with Dean and Cas?  Definitely not the route that has everyone upset.

9x03 actually made me hopeful about their relationship.  Whether or not the writers make it canon romance, they are showing us, by setting us up for a typical "break up and make up" with these two that they have no intentions of destroying this beautiful relationship.  They are acknowledging that there is a bond there.

I'm not positive that Dean and Cas will ever have that fluffy romance that everyone dreams of.  Their lives are not built for that and that kind of relationship never seems to last in this show.  And again, Dean doesn't do that "love... and love thing."  

But what I am seeing the set up for is for Cas to basically be initiated as the 3rd Winchester brother.  (Which is basically the best Team Free Will thing ever!)

The one thing that bothers me slightly about this approach though is how close Dean and Cas are compared to how close Cas and Sam are.  They are friends definitely and they would die for each other, but Dean and Cas... are close on a whole other level.  It IS different between these two and I feel this is where there is a problem.

I don't think Cas CAN become a Winchester BROTHER.  

Cas is different to Dean than anything.  Dean does not treat Cas like Sam, like Bobby, like Ellen or Jo, like Garth, like John or Mary, like Lisa or Ben, or any of their other random hunting buddies.  Cas... is Cas.  

"He's Cas."

Cas is family.  But he doesn't have a title.  He CAN'T have a title, because Dean doesn't do romance and Cas doesn't fit anything else.  I think that Sam gets that.  It's almost like Cas is Sam's brother and Cas is Dean's something undefined.  

Despite the fact that I feel Dean and Cas have something going on, I don't think Destiel will become canon in the sense that many of us want to see (it might, who knows).  The reason why?  Destiel isn't pertinent to the story right now.  

#1 Cas is newly human.  He definitely has a lot to figure out before jumping head first into a relationship where he most likely doesn't even understand feelings.  Most of us suck at relationships and we've had years to practice feelings.

#2 It's kind of hard to worry about your love life when there are angels on your ass and Abaddon in your face.  They have bigger fish to fry right now.

If the way to save the day was for Dean to admit his feelings to Cas?  Then we can say that Destiel is pertinent to the plot.  Or if this was a soap opera where relationships are the driving point of the show?  Then we can say that Destiel could be pertinent to the plot.  

But the writers have already done the "gay love love can pierce through the veil of death" thing and while Supernatural IS a love story, it is not a soap opera.  

That doesn't mean that Destiel will never happen, because if you're like me... you already believe it has.  

I mean look at all the evidence you've all compiled!  Look at all the people that are starting to notice!  Look how many polls you've won and how many shippers there are!

There IS something there between Dean and Cas and we don't need anyone to confirm what we know is there.  We can SEE it.  It's there and I think we find it wonderful just the way it is.  So even if we don't get to see an "onscreen kiss" we can be happy that our ship is one of the most beautiful love stories ever told. AND we didn't even need them to have kiss or have sex to prove it! :)  

And man if we want porn or fluff!.... Well... that's what we invented fan fiction for right?

So relax.  Destiel is not dead.  It is not sinking.  It's just that terrible time of anguish before their relationship gets even stronger and becomes more difficult to deny.  

Show your support for the writers, actors, and crew!  They put SO much effort into trying for us.  They have such limited time on episodes to put everything they'd like to in.  

So when they give us a Destiel moment, let's take it and run with it!  Because they thought we were important enough to find time in their tight timeline to try and give us a little of what we want even if it's not ALL we want.

Love the crew.

Love yourself.

Love your ship.

Love Supernatural.

----

Don't Ever Stop Trying In Everlasting Love (DESTIEL)

Ezekiel & Lucifer

I just had a terrible thought (comes with me being all hyper about the new season!)....  You know how that other angel couldn't recognize Ezekiel?  And how Ezekiel was "wounded" during the fall?

What if Ezekiel is actually Lucifer (and it was a newer angel who had never seen him before his fall... or maybe they can't fully recognize each other in their meat suits and without wings) cast from the cage and injured from constantly fighting with Michael all this time?  

And now he's possessed Sam again and wants to ruin Sam, Dean, and Cas's relationships with each other for revenge while he heals his wounds from his battles with Michael.  

Tells Dean to keep Cas out, makes Dean lie and be all secretive to Sam.  Then when they're at their lowest and apart from each other he's all like "BAM!  I'm Really Lucifer Guyz!!  Miss me?!" And some form of End!Verse ensues.

Completely not likely, but it would throw me for a loop!

"It Doesn't Matter. We'll Work It Out"

OMG  That line!  

It's like straight out of a scene in a movie where something bad is going to happen to someone and the person they love that they've been fighting with is begging them to forget about their fight, they'll work it out, just come back to them before something bad happens/ I just need you here right now.  

I wonder if that music will reoccur whenever they finally meet up again and then Sam interrupts again and there's that record squealing to a halt noise XD  I think I would die laughing.

Cas and Sleeping With a Women

I personally think it's important for Cas to explore with this chick.  We know that he's mentioned that he is indifferent to sexual orientation as an angel, but now as a human I think that in order for him to develop as a character he does need to explore this sexuality in all manners.

One issue is if the writers had him sleep only with Dean then he would be perceived by a lot of the general audience as gay (which they already think of him as the "gay angel", but that's besides the point), but it's not true based off of what he has said about sexual orientation. He is indifferent to it and that needs to be reiterated especially to those who don't keep track of everything Cas says the way we do.    :)

Another issue is that Cas is newly human and he hasn't seen Dean while he's been completely human before.  To say that as soon as Cas sees Dean as human he wants to suddenly jump his bones is a little too much new info to dish out.  Has he shown interest in sex before?  Yes, but having a boner and kissing someone because you saw how it was done on TV is different than actually experiencing the act of sex for yourself actively participating in it.  

The writers have to introduce the idea of Cas as a new sexual being and then introduce the idea of him with Dean, which means that Cas and Dean aren't a thing in the first part of the equation.  They can't be for the story of them getting together to be worthy of their story up until now.  So for now we get part 1 where Cas finally has sex, explores that route.

Then he can make more connections based off of how he has felt.  Like "Oh...  this is how I felt when I did this with that girl... Oh.... I feel this way about Dean... Ooooooooooooh"  

Otherwise he'd be confused about what he is feeling.  Remember this is all new to him and what he feels for Dean he may not fully get the implications of unless he experiences something similar to someone else and can compare and contrast them.  

...... and to be frankly honest if he ended up sleeping with Dean first he would never get the chance to explore that other side to him (   =P  ), he would forever be curious as to what would that be like?  His curiosity could lead to infidelity and a road I know the fandom would throw a fit over.

Anyways, just my personal thoughts on the topic.  There's more to it, but that's just the basics as I have to go to work now.  Cas being with a girl first isn't going to be the end of Destiel, I promise.  But it could in fact even be a jump shoot to it :)  Stay positive everyone!

The Castiel Complex

So I found this while sifting through old stuff.  I apparently was plotting out a destiel fic around the beginning of season 7, just a short one shot.  I wrote it out in mostly just dialogue and some action captions and never really got around to actually writing it and turning it into an actual fic and I probably never will.  It's called "The Castiel Complex" so here ya go! :)

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::Sam and Dean are at a bar talking and sharing a drink when a busty asian beauty comes up and comes onto Dean::

BAB: So, what do you say?  Wanna get out of here?

Dean: ::smiles a bit and seems to contemplate it with the table in front of him::  ... Nah.  Not tonight, sweet cheeks.  ::he takes a swig of his beer::

BAB:  Okay, your loss.  ::she seems mildly put off and leaves the table::

Sam: ::watches the girl retreat and looks funny at Dean, eyebrows squinting::  ... What was that?

Dean:  What was what? ::looking straight ahead, in his own mind::

Sam: Are you okay? ::he leans forward towards Dean a little::

Dean:  Woah, little close there tiger.  Wait till we get home. ::he winks and takes another swig and leans back::

Sam: ::rolls his eyes::  Cute.  Seriously, man.  You okay?

Dean:  Seriously, Sam.  I'm fine. 

Sam:  Then tell me what that was about. ::he takes a sip of his own beer and looks over Dean's head at the BAB who is at another table now::

Dean:  It's nothing Sam.  Just not in the mood.  I'm friggin' exhausted if you can't tell.  We just ganked a nasty son of a bitch and not to mention we've got all the crazy Hexus-like spawn slipping around trying to gank us in return.  ::he looks a little firm::

Sam:  ::raises an eye brow::  Fern Gully?  Really?

Dean:  Shut up, Krista's hot.

Sam:  ::he huffs:: Dean, even if you were tired-that.  That right there?  ::he points at the BAB::  That is your dream girl.  And I, unfortunately, know that if you were really okay I'd be renting out a second room for myself right about now.  So now tell me.  Are you okay?

Dean: ::he pauses for a minute and stares at his bottle::  ...  I'm fine, Sam. 

Sam:  ::he gives him the pitiful puppy stare and then turns away  as they fall under silence, neither speaking nor drinking.  Suddenly Sam gets a look on his face as things have worked out in his head and he turns to Dean with an epiphany on his face::  Oh my, God.  He broke you.

Dean: ::he looks puzzled::  Come again?

Sam:  I mean...  I knew you were more upset about Cas'... death, than you were letting on.  But I didn't think it was this bad.  He broke you.

Dean:  ::he looks like Sam is batshit crazy::  In case you haven't noticed, I haven't brought out the Hershey's and popped in Dirty Dancing.  Sorry to disappoint you, princess.  He didn't friggin' break me. 

Sam:  ::he is about to start his long winded explanation that consists of he is right::  Look-I.  I didn't mean it like that.  But don't get me wrong ::he points at Dean::  I know you're being a big girl about this on the inside, Dean.  ::Dean shoots him a look and takes a drink::  But let's face it.  I know at first Cas wasn't exactly on our gold star chart in the beginning, but then...  You trusted him.  Hell, you probably trusted him more than Bobby, than-than, me!

Dean:  I trust you.  ::looks slightly offended::

Sam:  Come on, Dean.  I can barely go to the bathroom on my own before you start thinking I'm going to crack out the crazy and bolt.

Dean:  ::takes a sip of his beer and overts his eyes::

Sam:  ::he continues where he left off::  ...  So when Cas let slip that he was working with Crowley the whole time...  When he didn't listen to you to break it off... and then became a God so bad that we actually tried to enslave Death so that we could get rid of him?  ::he pauses to let it sink into Dean who just stares straight ahead, bottle poised to his lips, but not drinking.  Sam takes this as a sign to go on::  When you had so much faith in him as our friend- as our family- he betrayed your trust.  ::he lets his hands drop to the table and leans back as everything starts to make sense in his own head::  He broke you, Dean.  He broke you so bad you can't even trust your version of the perfect girl to give you a good time.

Dean: ::he sits there, still staring ahead while Sam hazards a pitiful glance at him from the corner of his eye::  ...Hey Sammy?

Sam: ::he shifts a bit in his seat, anticipating some big girly admission::

Dean:  ::he gives Sam a small smirk::  Can I trust you to shut up about it? ::he downs the rest of his beer and let's out an "aaah!" as he lets it sink down his throat, placing the bottle on the table and raising his hand to have someone drop off the tab::  Ready to head back, Jolly Green?

Sam: ::he gives a small smile and shakes his head and finishes his beer:: Yeah, sure.

  ::It's later that night and the boys are sleeping::

Dean: ::he's having a nightmare with Cas lying dead on the ground and he's torn between feeling relief that Godstiel is gone, but now Cas is dead too.  He shouldn't feel sad though, Cas betrayed him, but he can't help it.  Then Cas' wounds heal and he sits up alive and he can't hold back the surprise and happiness in his voice as he bends down to help him.  Cas responds in a very Cas like manner and he can almost feel himself feeling like this is going to be okay, they'll get past the whole betrayal thing when they get out of there.  Then suddenly it's Levia!Cas and Cas entering the lake and Cas' trench coat and he wakes up sweating.::

::He breaths heavy for a minute before looking over at Sam who's still asleep and calms down and flops back and stares at the ceiling.  He rolls to his side and squints his eyes shut, not crying, but looking damn close to it.  He opens his eyes and looks skyward like if he did he might see Cas there somewhere and he silently prays::

Cas...  'm so sorry...  You were being a gigantic child, but...  I should've found a way to stop you, before it got all out of hand.  Should've been able to protect you...   ::he is scolding himself now, but then his face turns sad::  Cas...  what am I supposed to do?  I need things to be right again...  "You friggin' bastard...!"  I can barely keep it together, man.  I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this... Cas? 

::he looks up again and there is nothing but Sam's snores and he knits his brows one more time before rolling on his back and rubbing his eyes with a sigh.  He’s about to fall asleep when he hears the flutter of wings and he sits up and looks around.  He doesn't see anyone, doesn't feel danger.  He thinks it must just be is imagination and he hesitantly lays back down, reaching for his knife under the pillow and closes  his eyes as he feels just a bit better after admitting shit.  Sleep comes easy after that::

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The Spoilers for Destiel Shippers

Here is what I think...  Supernatural has had 8 amazing seasons and 3 of them didn't even have Castiel in them!  

I think that no matter what, if the spoilers are true or not, we're still going to have a good season.  They haven't disappointed us yet imo and I don't think they will.  

There is no point in worrying about what MAY happen in the season about destiel as we don't have anything confirmed about them.  If something happens that is displeasing, then we can have our fandom freak out, but until then I think we should just keep enjoying the anticipation for a wonderful new season of Supernatural!

.... Even if they're true, just imagine all the long distance pining Dean and Cas will have :)  We are shippers and we'll make the best of it!  

Just stay positive!

Again, just my opinion on the spoilers.

Cas As Dean's Romantic Interest

Reasons why I personally think Cas is a perfect choice to be Dean's romantic interest!  :)

These are MY PERSONAL OPINIONS!!  Don't take them to heart if they don't agree with yours!  :)

1.  The Playing Field

Originally Dean was drawn in by the apple pie life with Lisa and Ben and he loved it and them (I shipped Lisa and Dean when they were together :P).  But, it wasn't made to last, because it just wasn't who he was.  He wanted to keep saving people and being a hunter.  So, Dean needs someone who already knows about the things that go bump in the night.

Cas is/was an angel so we can all agree that Cas knows Dean's playing field.

2.  Ability

Dean is like a mother hen as we have all seen time and time again with Sam.  He would need someone who can take care of themselves if trouble came around.  If he were with someone who wasn't a skilled hunter or badass, he would definitely be fretting about their safety.  

Cas is/was an angel and while he is human now, that doesn't mean that he has forgotten how to throw a punch or kick an ass or two, just that he can't teleport or smite.  I think given time to adjust to being human, Cas will be about or just as formidable as the Winchester brothers.  Dean wouldn't have to worry about Cas and trust that he can take care of himself.

3.  Sam

Now, let me start off by addressing the issue of concern that "destiel going canon would draw the brothers apart" and become the "Dean and Cas" show.  Supernatural will NEVER become the "Dean and Cas" show.  The show writers and actors won't let all their hard work in developing this story and the familial bonds of the brothers to devolve into a common soap opera with monsters and a suddenly estranged brother (have some faith in the people that have brought us 8 amazing seasons!!! :D)

Now this applies to not just Cas, but anyone being romantically interested in Dean (or Sam).  No one wants the brothers with anyone, because of this (except their ship lol).

With Cas though, this wouldn't happen.  Cas has been involved pretty heavily in both the Winchesters lives (leaning more towards Deans') for 4 seasons now.  And he has had zero effect in driving them apart.  They already have a profound bond and love for one another.  

Please, don't argue with that last statement.  You know they do even if you don't see it as a romantic love.  Dean himself said it, he said that Cas was like family and a brother to him.  Dean loves his brother and he loves his family (Bobby, Ellen, Jo, John, Sam) so being family, Dean loves Cas.  He stated he would die for him, that he needs him.  Dean LOVES Cas.  That is CANON.  How you interpret that love is completely up to you though :)

As I was saying, they have had 4 years together of love and bonding time and this has not effected the brothers relationship.  If anything, it makes them talk more.  Like consulting with each other to stop Cas when he went of the rails and all Godstiel on everyone or discussing Deans' motives for praying to Castiel, etc.  

Cas becoming something a little more to Dean isn't going to drive the brothers apart and will help keep true to the story.  

Another randomly introduced person will most likely not get positive fan reaction as we have seen in the past with other potential romantic interests, and there would have to be a considerable amount of time put into Dean interacting with said character to build up a bond strong enough for the fandom to believe in it and accept it.  THAT would take time away from the brothers, because I'm sure we can agree that we hold high standards for these boys in their relationships :)  We love them!

4.  Sam

Although Dean doesn't need approval from Sam, I'm sure he would want it.  Why?  Sam is Dean's everything and Dean would want to make sure he is with a person that his baby brother gets along with, because Sam is for life and if this person was for life too, they would need to get along or else that person is going to get canned.  

Good news!  Sam likes Cas.  He is quick to defend him and considers him a friend, even if he finds him a bit awkward at times.  He even entrusted his brother to Cas and told him to keep Dean out of trouble!  Problem solved!

5.  Sam

Sam is a huge part of Dean's life and will always come first (just like he said in the finale).  Dean's potential partner would need to really understand this and accept their unhealthy co-dependence on one another.  

Good news again!  Cas has been watching these brothers for years and understands their devotion to one another and even  used it against them once by cracking Sams' gourd.  He gets their relationship and would never put himself before Sam for Dean.  In fact in the S8 finale, he brought Dean to Sam first before bolting and doing what he felt he needed to do.  

I feel another person could do the same, but most would probably feel jealous about it.  Even, Lisa with the patience of a saint knew that she couldn't have Dean if Sam was still alive.  She was kind enough to not make Dean choose, but a lot of people need that kind of commitment that he can't give.

Cas gets it and goes along with it.  Why?  Have no clue, but it's what he does.  

6.  Perfection

Dean has incredibly low self esteem as we've seen countless times.  If Dean was placed with someone who was perfect, I can't help but feel he might compare himself to them and feel that he wasn't worthy of their love.  Dean isn't perfect and he can't be with someone who is perfect.

Luckily, Cas is also not perfect.  Cas has made a TON of mistakes and Dean has seen most of them in action.  He knows Cas isn't perfect now, but he chooses to keep reaching out to him despite this.  

Dean also needs someone who knows his imperfections and accepts them wholely.  Someone who finds out that Dean mutilated souls in hell moooooost likely will turn tail and run from all his guilt and self worthlessness issues.  Cas saw him in action with that and pulled him straight out.  Despite seeing Dean at his worst, Cas keeps coming to him and reaching out as well.

Those are MY main reasons I think Cas makes a good candidate for Dean's romantic interest.  I mean there's all the usual things like their bond, eye sex, subtext, etc.  But I feel these are the core things that COULD make him a candidate.  

Not saying that there are reasons why he wouldn't, but hey!  Every relationship has some bumps yeah?  

I don't think I want to see them be all mushy and gooey, because that isn't either of them.  I think I just want at the end of the show to see Dean hop into the Impala with Cas in the front seat and they drive off together to hunt some monsters and be together forever while Sam lives a beautiful life with his own family that allows Dean to visit him as much as he wants.  :)  

Fake ID's

Dean fidgets with the small item in his hands.  He's ridiculously excited- and not in a girly way, he tells himself- and slightly nervous.  A small smile plays at the corners of his lips and he fights to keep them down as he approaches the slump shouldered man at the table.

Cas has been having a hard time since "the fall."  Finding Castiel had surprisingly not been difficult and Dean had not expected their reunion to go as it had.

When the sky lit up that night with Sammy in his arms he had been scared and his world had started falling apart.  The helpless feeling he had was unbearable.  Here was his brother presumably dying in his arms (again) and his best friend he could only assume was dead now.  Again.  

And there was nothing he could do to stop any of it.  Not a damn thing.

So he did what he could and took Sam to a hospital, hoping that someone there wouldn't be as useless as he felt at the moment.  There was nothing he could do for his angelic friend and he tried not to think about it.  Between the angels ALL falling to Earth and his little brother's condition (which was of top priority) he hadn't had the time to dwell on his friends' death. 

Dean spent about two weeks next to Sam's bedside in the hospital where thankfully the youngest Winchester had fallen into a deep sleep.  Thankfully, because he didn't appear to be in any pain now, though the comatose state didn't exactly make the knot of unease drift away.  

Kevin had called several times after Dean dropped Crowley off at the Men of Letters bunker.  He would either complain about Crowley's new state of reformation (which was supposedly annoying as all hell) or ask about Sam's condition.  

In those two weeks Dean's only friend had been a cup of coffee that kept magically refilling... possibly thanks to the nurse who was taking care of his little brother.  

Then one day, Sam sat up suddenly, gasping for breath like he had just been born and this was the first time air was touching his lungs.  As surprised and thrilled Dean was that Sam, who had all been but a vegetable, was now up and moving around- healthier than ever- he couldn't help the sense of foreboding.  

Nothing good ever came out of someone suddenly reviving with no idea how.  Not in their story anyways.  

And while the reason for Sam's suddenly healed state hasn't reared it's ugly head yet, Dean is waiting.

Kevin seemed ready to kill Crowley by the time that Sam and Dean returned to the bunker.  Crowley's "too good" behavior had been creeping out the poor prophet.  

Sam decided to take over watching the partial demon and to everyone's surprise, got along swimmingly well.  Dean would roll his eyes whenever he walked by and his little brother was girl-ing about something with the shorter man.

Kevin went back to translating the angel tablet, holing himself up somewhere in the large headquarters, occasionally coming out for some form of sustenance before retreating into the cavern of crazy he has built for himself despite Dean's efforts to get him to not work to death.

Left to his own devices, Dean worked on the new fallen angel problem.  Several problems seemed to have popped up all around the globe.  "Miracles" and oddities here and there.  A lot of people who shouldn't exist suddenly appearing.  You know... the works.  

The biggest problem was the media poking their heads into places it shouldn't be.  Hunters all around were trying to keep them in the dark with all the lies and tactics they could muster.  Didn't need a panic on their hands.

Then, about a month ago, Castiel showed up.  

Dean had been so busy, burying himself in this fallen angel business that he hadn't let himself dwell to much on his dead friend.  He didn't want to go there.  Not yet at least.

He was working at the table when he heard a knock on the door, which was strange.  No one had ordered food (as far as he knew) and no one besides Charlie knew this address... at least he hoped not.  

He gave a quick glance around the room to see if anyone else residing in the bunker was going to get that.  Apparently not.  

Grabbing his gun, he headed towards the thick door.  Hand firmly on the handle he peered through the small viewer.  

The moment he saw who it was, against all better judgement he flung the door open with a loud, "Cas?!"

Cas looked worse than he did in purgatory.  Once again unshaven, disheveled, and dirty.  He had bags under his eyes and his blue eyes seemed exhausted and weary.

"Hello, Dean."  

Dean should have been suspicious, should have tested him for every known thing in the book of monsters, but some how he just knew it was him.  And all the anger that he had felt previously concerning Cas' lack of trust in him, leaving once again, and most likely causing all the angels to fall to Earth flew out the door.  

"Dean, I-... I di-"  Cas began, his brows upturned in was looked like regret mixed with guilt and sadness.  But Dean cut him off in a rare show of affection, tugging the other man to him in a fierce hug, tucking his face into Cas' neck and squeezing his eyes shut tight, holding his breath.  

Cas stiffened underneath him before tentatively returning the hug.  At that Dean let go, standing back a little, still keeping one arm on his friend who was alive.  Alive.

"It's good to see you."  And it was.

"Dean...  I thought you would be angry with me," Cas said disbelieving this warm welcome.  

Dean smiled a bit, like he was enjoying some sort of personal inside joke, at this before patting Cas on the shoulder and then pointing a finger in between his big blue eyes.  

"Don't get me wrong, man.  All is NOT forgiven," Cas seems to deflate a little at this, "But I am glad to see that you're still in the land of the living." Cas looks up a bit hesitantly, quirking his mouth slightly to one side in what Dean has come to realize was his "I'm ashamed" look.  

The look quickly goes away as realization plays across Cas' features and he starts, "Dean.  The angels-  they've all-"

"Fallen.  I know.  It was kind of hard not to notice the apocalyptic rain of flaming bodies hitting the-"  Dean cuts him off and then pauses.  Sniffs the air and at Cas' questioning look continues.  "Dude... when was the last time you bathed?"  

Cas gave Dean an exasperated look before Dean invited him in to wash off the grime and explain how he was no longer an angel (which explained the smell) and his experience as a traveling homeless man in order to get there.

A month later and Castiel was adjusting, but his mood had yet to improve.  Rightfully so.  He had made a poor choice, yet again, and it resulted in the mass of his family to become humans.  The guilt had to be extraordinary and Dean felt for his friend.  

Dean had cornered him about his mood once and had got slapped with a very bitter answer.  One that dripped with the overwhelming power of loneliness.

"I have no family Dean!  My brothers and sisters have ALL suffered because of me," he was furious, red in the face, "So excuse me if I have a 'sour look'," there went the air quotes.  

The former angel had went on further, calming down slightly and explaining that he previously had those that believed in him, in what he stood for even if he made poor choices.  Now... he worried that he would be estranged from his family.  That he would no longer be welcome in any part of it.  That he was, for all intents and purposes, alone.  And without the voices of his siblings crowding in his head, he was feeling it more than ever.

Dean had sat through and listened to his friend.  He was getting a little better at this sharing and caring thing.  

Seeing his friend slumped over himself, head in hands and a shadow of his former self made him want to do something.  Alleviate a little of that loneliness and self loathing.  

Which brings us to present day.  

Dean wasn't very good at this sort of thing...  In fact he was quite possibly terrible.  Gift giving was not his forte and providing comfort was something he wasn't exactly keen participating in. 

But for Cas... he could try, he supposed.  As long as it would wipe that sad look out of his blue puppy eyes and he could get on with his life.

"Hey Cas," Dean started, gaining the attention of the newest member of the Men of Letter bunker.  The former angel turned to look at Dean.  Dean closed the distance between them, standing in that uncomfortable, yet oh so familiar personal space of his friend.  He had Cas' full attention now.  

"Look I know this whole no mojo thing hasn't exactly been easy on you.  But I thought-," he stumbles a bit flustered now, doubting the validity of his idea.  "I got this for you," he settles for instead and hands the small item to Castiel.

Castiel took the piece of plastic in his hands, squinting at it and looking at the piece as if it held the answer to all of life's problems.  

"It's not real, it's a fake ID.  You know, can't really hack into the government and turn you into a real boy," he gives a hesitant laugh, trying to fill in the silence, "but it's yours.  I wanted you to have it."  He stops and purses his lips, looking at Cas all wide-eyed, waiting for a reaction.

Cas stops looking at the card and looks up at Dean, tilting his head slightly and Dean dies a little at the sincerity of emotions that are displayed on the former angels face.

"It says...  Castiel... Winchester," Cas says it in a way that makes Dean shiver a little.

"Welcome to the family," It comes out almost as a question and Dean hesitantly manages to give a half smirk at Cas who suddenly looks a little overwhelmed and to Dean, maybe a little bit warmer and a little less lonely.

"You've earned it Castiel," Sam says suddenly from a doorway in which he was not five minutes ago.  Dean steps back out of Cas' space and rubs the back of his neck, a little embarrassed now.

"Thank you... the both of you," Cas gives a little smile at the brothers and Dean knows that his gift was appreciated.

"Don't I get one?"  All heads present turn to look next to Sam as Crowley appeared.  "I mean we're practically blood brothers you and I," the man looks at Sam, trying to argue his case, and the taller of the too huffs and rolls his eyes at the mere suggestion.  

"No."  Dean says.  Crowley looks a little put out.    

Cas smiles a bit to himself.  

He tucks the little card, fake or not, into his pocket where he would treasure it for a long time.  

Dean turns to Cas and their eyes catch and neither can help the warm looks that enter their eyes and the smiles that catch their lips  

And if Dean at that moment entertains the thought of Sam finding a strong gal, settling down, growing old in their new home and of Cas and himself riding off into the sunset, hell bent on protecting some poor bastard from the things that go bump in the night, no one needs to know.  

  OMG.  So sorry about my horrible writing skills.  So out of practice :(  But, I just had to get this idea out of my head! :)  I would so love for Dean to give Cas a fake ID with Castiel Winchester on it :D

Season 9: Dean and Cas "What Ifs"

I'm new to tumblr (this is my very first post), so please be gentle on my musings!! :)  But I can't help but wonder...

Dean has always been obviously upset whenever Cas dies or disappears.  But Cas has never exactly stuck around for long periods of time, flying off to do whatever it is that Cas does when he's not with Dean.  He's constantly gone, going, leaving, even when Dean asks him to just "stay here and get better."  It's just what he does and he has had the ability to do it without anyone being able to really stop him and Dean has understood (for the most part) that this is who Cas is. 

So Dean has become accustomed to Cas going off on his own (even if he doesn't like it) and the idea that Cas might not come back one day (when you live the life of a hunter, it's kind of hard not to).  He's definitely upset when it happens, but I mean, every time Cas dies Dean isn't exactly expecting him to come back.  

But things have changed now at the end of Season 8, Cas is basically human.  He's not going to be able to flit about and leave whenever he wants.  Which in turn means that Dean is going to have Cas around A LOT more (hopefully).  

What does this mean exactly?

Well more time together can create more time for developing that delicious profound bond of theirs, but it also means that Dean is going to get USED to Cas being around.  It means that it's going to be harder for him to let go.  

Me and my awful mind then proceeded to go down thoughts like:

What if Cas gets his grace back and continues with his plan and now that Dean is so used to Cas being around, Dean can't let him go?  Would he voice it?  What would Cas' reaction be after spending so much time with the Winchesters?  Would he continue with the plan to lock himself in Heaven with all his siblings or would he ditch out after hearing that?

What if they create a plan to get Cas' grace back and they finally get the chance and Dean realizes that if Cas gets his grace back then he can leave and Dean throws them off the trail or screws it up so he can have Cas with him even if it's just for a little bit longer?  What would happen if Cas found out?  Would it be another epic show down?  Or would it turn into the biggest goopiest admittion of man feelings?  (As much as I love the man feelings ending I don't really like the idea of them doing things that would hurt each other any more :(  that would make me sad)

Gaaah!!  So many things could happen this upcoming season and I can't wait to see what he writers have in store! :)