Idk If Anywhere Else Had This Up Either, So Just In Case Again, Here U Go. Enstars Anime, Ep 13. This

I think not nearly enough people comprehend just how messed up Rika's and V's relationships truly was, actually. It is so easy to get hyperfocused on the big climax of their toxic obsession: the cult, the physical violence, and the secrets. But, like... You ever actually sit down and think about the sheer fact that V looked at Rika: a hurt, traumatized girl, terrified of being her true self, desperate for love she didn't even have a clear idea of in her own mind, safe for some very vague feeling she deemed to be 'love', and... He saw beauty in it. He was never malicious about it, nor did he even realize it fully, not until MC came into his life and pushed him into reevaluating his own worth as well as his views on what love truly is. But, at the time, he saw all that hidden pain and trauma in her, and he saw beauty in it. He was intrigued by it. It fascinated him. He desired to transform it into something even more stunning with his own two hands, analogous to an artist fixing his next big masterpiece. And she was his masterpiece. One he would paint and bend and mold into something he knew he wanted to achieve. It wasn't even a want, it was a craving. Not really knowing that he was just so racked with guilt and self-hatred after his mother's death, that he was merely trying to prove himself to no one but his own troubled and scared mind. To prove to himself that he could be an artist, and that he really could love like the sun. That he could save someone this time around, instead of losing them. Because, truth is, he could never be an artist, not in the way his soul truly longed for.

Rika was both his muse and his creation at the same time.

That's why he never encouraged her to get the help she desperately needed if she didn't want to do it herself. That's why he never got involved in any extreme ways until it became far too difficult for him to handle. That's why he told her time and time again that she was beautiful and perfect just the way she is, even when she herself would doubt and be deeply disturbed by his eager willingness to sink into the deepest of lows for her.

In a way, neither of them truly knew each other. It's a fact that they cared for each other at one point in time. But they didn't see each other as equal individuals to grow and change alongside. For Rika, V was her sun she adored and loathed all the same. He was not a person, he was just an anchor that kept her steady and a cruel reminder of all she could never be. For V, Rika was his canvas to pour his locked away feelings onto. She was not a person, she was a living proof of his ability to create and love in a way he desperately craved.

And in the end, that destroyed and scarred both of them. Not only them, but also many completely innocent individuals who were caught in the crossfire.

What a big, complicated, and horrible mess these two are.

idk if anywhere else had this up either, so just in case again, here u go. enstars anime, ep 13. this is the rei and tsumugi ‘tickle tickle’ scene.

they are absolutely ridiculous! i love them

So I'm replaying Ray's After ending rn, and it got me thinking that what I adore so much about Rika as an antagonist is just how damn scary she can be. I always found those who cause harm with good intentions (at least in their point of view) much scarier than those who hurt you with pure intention on hurting you. I think the best example of it is this CG in particular:

Look at that. Such a loving, gentle expression on her face. Probably kissing his forehead. Because she loves him. Heck, without any context, this CG looks even sweet, if you think about it. And yet, all that is while Saeyoung is forcefully sedated on a powerful concoction of drugs even a trained agent like him can't do anything about (and Saeyoung WAS definitely trained to deal with this sort of thing, hence it's mentioned that this is a 'special' kind of drugs). He looks miserable. Bags under his eyes, his expression pained and troubled, even his hair is paler than usual. All that as a direct result of her actions. But she's utterly blind to it. What's scarier, is that she knowingly shuts off her understanding of what's really happening. She's not oblivious to it at all. She just chooses not to see it that way. Simply because she doesn't want to.

Rika is the type of antagonist that will cup your cheek into her warm hand with the most loving of smiles on her face, all while you are getting elixir poured down your throat. Even whispering to you that you're doing great, that the pain will soon pass, and that she can't wait to see you reach the happiness she knows you deserve. I won't be surprised if she even cried genuine tears of compassion during some ceremonies for her believers. All while being the sole reason behind their suffering.

And that's... God, that's terrifying to me. I love that about her.

Rika Kim, they could never make me hate you

can we talk about how rui is the most girl's guy ever. he's so ride or die for nene that he wanted to leave wxs because tsukasa upset her. he's one of few who understands emu's language and he always tries to turn her outlandish ideas into reality. and with mizuki, where do i even begin. we all know how much they mean to each other. even smaller interactions in mixed events, like with shizuku, mafuyu, or an, tend to reveal a sweet and thoughtful side to him. rui kamishiro, everyone, the best guy friend any girl could ask for

That Anon made me go back and glance at Saeyoung’s After Ending since I don’t really go there that much. Most of the time, i just head into the Secret Ending to replay that content, but I had to do a double-take because I forgot about this detail. Apparently, his dream Toy Shop is unbelievable to look at… This isn’t located near his bunker, but it might as well be according to Jumin. What the hell does this Toy Shop look like, Saeyoung?

I don’t even think I could draw a model of this! Hey, Saeyoung MCs, do you have an idea what this man would create this building to look like?

i have a few asks that i'm working on, but i got this idea and it would not leave my head T_T saeran deserves the absolute world <3

-

saeran was cold. the room wasn't cold and the heater was on full blast, but as saeran laid there, an empty chasm, he was cold. healing was not a linear process. there are ups and downs, good days and bad days. and there are also really bad days, where all saeran can do is lay in bed and overthink. where all of the voices of all of his persons feel like claws gripping his throat, where the possibility of someday becoming betters seems more and more distant. its these days where he is saeranrayunknown, where he doesn't know which personality is truly him. saeran is no stranger to these types of days-- the first month of him coming off of the elixir was the most excruciating, both physically and mentally. he wasn't kind to anyone around him, and he certainly wasn't kind to himself. however, with the support of his lover and his brother-- and also the therapist that jumin recommended-- saeran began his healing process. still. the bad days don't go away, and saeran had never been more aware of that as he laid in bed, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling.

there was no hunger. no thirst. no discomfort. only blank, empty, dark nothingness. it was that state that she found him in. saeran felt the room become warmer, felt the light she emitted. his eyes immediately found hers-- they always did, no matter what. understanding dawned on her as she saw saeran's state, and she slowly- like she was approaching a wild animal -made her way to him. "bad day?" she quietly asked, carding her fingers through his hair with such gentleness that it brought tears to his eyes. all saeran could do was give an imperceptible nod. "...one moment." her voice was nothing but kind as she got up and left the room again. he could hear her quiet, gentle voice and then after a beat, the warm, low voice of his brother. a few minutes passed. or maybe it was hours. weeks. months. saeran didn't know- all he knew was the emptiness he felt, the chill that ran bone-deep.

eventually, she stepped back in and took his hand. "come." she said, giving his hand a light tug. it took every ounce of saeran's strength to force himself into an upright position, and he had to lean on her to walk. (lean on her like he has every time he stumbled in the past. she remained as she always did, an unwavering pillar of strength.) they walked through the hallway, passing by the kitchen where saeyoung was doing-- something. saeran couldn't tell, couldn't lift his eyes from the ground. she led him into the bathroom, where the faint scent of lavender hung and flower petals floated in the full bathtub. "let's get you out of this, hm?" she said as she started to undress him. shame colored his face, but saeran couldn't find the strength to do it himself. couldn't find the strength to do anything more than stand there and let her take care of him, like she always has. (at her core, that is who she is. the caretaker, the pillar of strength, the shoulder to cry on. saeran thinks she is the strongest person he knows, to be able to carry him and others when they could no longer carry themselves. how many nights had saeyoung cried to her? yoosung? zen? jaehee? jumin, even? and yet, she never wavered. was always there with open arms and a kind smile and kinder words. she is nothing short of an angel.) and though saeran knew she was doing all of this because she truly loved him, he couldn't help but let the negative thoughts swirl around. how long until she grew tired of him? of his bad days? of taking care of him? how long until she saw him for what he truly was-- weak, frail, nothing?

she helped him into the bath before kneeling on the floor, reaching for the shampoo. "not that this will fix everything," she began as she lathered his hair, "but this always makes me feel a little better. our burdens are easier when we let other people help us carry them, no? and i'm here to help you carry yours, my love. it's okay if you don't feel up to speaking, just let me take care of you." the gentle way she washed his hair, the kindness in her voice, her unwavering love, all of it made saeran burst into tears. he had never been loved quite like this before, never had someone to hold him when he was feeling low and piece him back together when he fell apart. because that's what she did- when saeran broke into pieces, she took those pieces and put him back together, her love shining through his cracks. she is written deep in his bones, all over his heart. like he existed only to love her.

she let him cry, never stopping her soothing movements. for a while, all that there was was his soft cries and her low, comforting humming. after his hair, she moved on to lightly wash his body, nothing but care in her movements. saeran could not remember the last time he felt so fragile, or the last time he felt so loved.

it went on like that. after she washed him, she helped him out of the bath and into a warm towel. she got him his softest clothes, brushed through his hair with the gentlest motions, held him with the lightest touch. saeran clung to her once he was dressed, his arms immediately going around her waist. "i don't deserve you." his voice was muffled by her shirt, and he felt her shake her head. "nonsense." she replied. "you deserve everything." and she said that so matter-of-factly, like there wasn't any room for argument. "won't you tire of this? of taking care of me?" "never ever. i will always be here to pick you up and to hold you together."

it was easier to stand on his own two feet now; his body and his mind were both still heavy, but he could finally muster up the strength to carry himself. still, though, she held his hand and guided him out the door and to the living area. "saeyoung and i have your favorite movie on, and snacks have been prepared." ice cream and popcorn weren't exactly the healthiest of options, but saeran didn't care. his brother, who was always so loud and boisterous, who unapologetically took up space, was sat quiet and calm on the couch. he looked visibly worried over saeran, but she must've given him a look for he quickly covered it up. as saeran sat on the sofa, his lover on one side and his brother on the other, he could feel the coldness in him slowly melt away, replaced by the warmth of the two beside him. there would always be bad days, always be days where saeran doesn't have the strength to exist, but they were just a little easier with her and with saeyoung.

Having reimugi thoughts mostly altered and element related does anyone care about Rei's projection onto Tsumugi due to seeing himaelf in him while wanting to take care of him and how they are both so people pleasing and self-sacrificing, unable to say no when they are asked to do things by other people (Rei himself stating he couldn't find it in him to do so at one point which can be interpreted as not serious but you know. He's still someone who does quite a lot for others.) As well as their shared suicidal lack of care and value for their own lives... it's actually obscene.... He tries to teach him how a true, normal friendship is supposed to be despite not knowing it himself... Rei being the "most popular" in school according to Eichi, Tsumugi having so many connections despite being taken advantage of and treated unkindly often due to seeming like an easy target, both of them still being so alone. Then they were on opposing sides all of a sudden, the leader of fine and leader of the five eccentrics...

Rei understands Tsumugi, more than anyone possibly could at that time at least, he knows him so well he's able to help him understand what was happening to him during altered by spelling it out to him, essentially. On Tsumugi's "first day truly being alive", Rei was there congratulating him— after a war that made both of them shed their old selves, killing them to turn into something new even though technically Tsumugi didn't have one (he did, of course, but the framing is that he is alive for the first time in the story due to how he's been living till that point)... Rei does say it's because the war weakened him, to Tsumugi of all people, and he seems to seek to detach himself further from humanity... and Tsumugi is the one who killed Rei, to some extent, still having seen the friendship they currently have as a torturous punishment for what he did to him during in his third year... Tsumugi becoming human thanks to Natsume despite Natsume himself having a somewhat complicated relationship with his own humanity, which viewing in parallel to Wataru and Eichi is sooo sickening. But anyways. The vampire and the zombie both found things that made them want to keep existing in this world, as well as love and care from others... (even though tsumugi continued to very much suffer from suicidal ideation way after that but that's just how he is so guys it's ok)... that part where Tsumugi subconsciously, or simply unintentionally, sounds as if he's blaming Rei for things because he could've done so much to prevent the eccentrics executions including his own I'm crazy... just stuff I was thinking about this morning I'm spouting out the same stuff I post every day about them because I'm crazy

time skip

a persona 4 velvet attendant!protag comic from 2 years ago! id enjoy seeing yosuke being the next wildcard and growing into the leader role he so admired

forgive the awkward dialogue i am not a good writer

Collected Reading List for Hello Charlotte

I have collected every book either directly referenced (character names or bookshelves) or thematically relevant (that I can find. I am sure there are more.) in hc! Books marked with an * are the most relevant to the game/my personal recommendations. Notes under the cut.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest - Ken Kesey

The Kingdom of God Is Within You - Leo Tolstoy

Golden Apples of the Sun - Ray Bradbury

Physics of the Impossible - Michio Kaku

Physics of the Future - Michio Kaku

The God Delusion - Richard Dawkins

The Selfish Gene - Richard Dawkins

Bad Science - Ben Goldacre

Flatland - Edwin Abbott

On Aggression - Konrad Lorenz

Lullaby - Chuck Palahniuk

*Childhood’s End - Arthur Clarke

The Castle - Franz Kafka

Simulacra and Simulation - Jean Baudrillard

*1984 - George Orwell

Civilized Man’s Eight Deadly Sins - Konrad Lorenz

*Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

Cats Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut

1Q84 - Haruki Murakami

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

*Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

Time Machine - H.G. Wells

On the Freedom of the Will - Arthur Schopenhauer

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat - Oliver Sacks

The Joyful Wisdom - Frederich Nietzsche

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