mxxnbyss

Latest Posts by mxxnbyss

Not gonna lie friends. I would like to feel desired and feel like someone’s first choice

there's an end to the loneliness, right? it ends, eventually? and i'll be finally whole inside?

Am I gonna feel lonely for the rest of my life... It's the one feeling I think I am familiar with since the beginning of my life

Feeling so sick of myself and everyone around me these days, I can't wait for this stupid fucking exam to end so I can get lost in the void. And thank God almost everyone's going home after the exam. I hope they don't give much work so I can just have Sunday for myself. I really want it. I want to just exist. I want to cry, I want to sleep, I want to just be.

Why does when something happens I have to limit myself, why can't I just fucking not ruin everything for myself

Why am I like this

Everyone who knew me since an infant describes me as this lonely child who kept to themself. I guess mom is right, maybe I have been broken since the day I was born

I wish I could have told you I missed you too but I didn't wanna lose my dignity more than I did with you

There's something in me, that I don't know how to word or well I don't even know what it is. But it's swallowing the whole of me

I hate that man, he could do so many things to make it all right but I'll always hate that man. I wanna free you from him, but I don't know how to. I wanna free myself from you both I don't know how to. I don't wanna hurt you, but I don't know how to. I know you don't wanna hurt me, and I know you can't help it either. Amma we might have been doomed since we were born in this body, in this flesh, among these men. We are always gonna want to save each other and maybe, maybe we never will. I'm sorry I'm the reason you are crying right now, I'm sorry I'm another bad thing to you. I'm sorry I'm not your saviour and I'm sorry you are just as bad as others.

post-graduation trip airport looks

I feel frustrated by Megumi's scars... I love this concept, but... ugh...

I also think Megumi is having a really hard time with everything that happened to him, and I really wanted to draw that.

sigh here goes nothing I guess. i am done, fully done

something about hearing it from someone else that I actually do not have anyone who cares for me and loves me. hearing that from your own parents, is eye opening. why did you give birth to me. why did you fucking give birth to me.

i can't take this. i can't take this. why birth me if im not what you desired. you should have known better than to give birth to me, you are a fool.

im sorry I'm sorry ik im the monster but you can't blame. you made me, you are the reason I'm like this, you will always be the reason I'm like this

i am so. i wish someone would just take pity on me. and put me out of this misery. someone please just take me cradle me hold me close to you please kiss on my forehead while you dive that fucking knife through my heart. please hold me until I die and put me down gently. tell me you could have loved me if I wasn't so fucked

NO other show in existence understands sister dynamics better than fleabag. especially from the perspective of older sisters i believe. having the same character yell "...you're fine! you'll always be fine. you'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. you just make me feel like i've failed," AND "the only person i'd run through an airport for is you" !!!!!!!!! it's insane and it's exactly how i feel

fleabag and Claire... fuck them god

that's the first ever time I felt bad for thinking how much I want to die. I still want to die, I don't wanna live. I don't think anyone would miss me or be that wounded nor do I care. but this woman...

i don't see a happy life ahead of me. I wish for a peaceful one but I don't see that either. it probably should be concerning how suicidal I'm being everyday. why should I try when ik my path is only going to be full of despair? why can't I end it earlier, I wanna put a stop to this. too late to apologise, too late to ask for help, don't think too late to be saved but no one will. maybe that's my tragedy that everyone could use to feel bad after I'm long gone

badumtuss

signed my fate to the devil today

too in my head. so many lies. a fucked up individual. attention seeker. easily forgettable. hard to love.

the thing with fleabag is how she has no one. like I get she might have her sister or something like that but when she wants to, like at times weirdly she reaches out, she tries and even then. just. she's let down. there's no one who would choose her, even the guy she loved, truly. didn't choose her. he loved her, yes but he didn't choose her. her loneliness hit me so much. these days I feel so lonely. awfully lonely. i am so so alone. i think i speak with a bunch of people on a normal basis, everyday, here n there but none of them, idk how to say this but none of them are ANYONE. im not anyone to them either. i feel bad I do have friends, but i don't either. i actually don't. i have people but I don't. i am in so much trouble rn, everytime I think about it I want to take a knife and stab myself, right there in my throat. at least back then i think when I had shit going on, after months of crying alone I finally had someone to speak with but these days i dont. who will I even go to. literally who? people around me and yet absolutely no one. i have never felt this alone in my entire life than I do at this moment. i am so scared of a lot of things, I don't have hope I don't have people. the loneliness is suffocating me. if i don't stab myself in my throat, the loneliness will grab me by the neck and choke me until I'm grasping for breath and stop breathing. it's so devastating that even in death im gonna die alone and by myself. idk if Tumblr will report this n take it down

i indeed have grossly estimated my place in everyone's life

I've truly lost the plot, like girl idk what's going on in my life either

Aslan Jade Callenreese you are safe now, I'll be happy with that

been feeling like a shit and now i can't handle it anymore, im back to being me ig, hello

the strong urge to go be a bitch

im gonna kms fr