Mothfeather339 - Mothfeather

I’m crying because when my dad was eighteen he was going to join the airforce and then the night before he had a dream that Jesus slapped him in the face with a gigantic fish and asked him what he was doing and he woke up and thought, “Jesus is right what am I doing?” And that’s why my dad did not join the military. 

fall in love with your shorter boss immediately

based on that one joke apparently a lot of people have read

Sometimes a family is a man, his boyfriend and 10,000 bees

@cactisays I think 5 hour energy and little bits of various sauces from the fridge should count as a meal substitute

THREE MEALS A DAY

🔎🐝 This is a master post of my Sherlock Holmes fanfiction which you can also find on Ao3! 🐝🔎

For details and warnings, follow the links to AO3, it's included in tags there.

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The Absolute Truth of the Matter

On the way to Rosenlaui, Holmes falls behind to face Moriarty alone. When it is instead Watson who encounters the Professor at the Reichenbach Falls, events take an unexpected turn.

Or: Watson does a few ridiculously courageous things and there is a crack in Holmes's lens.

The Case of the Lost Cat

Annie hesitated, nervously turning the apple in her hands, lowering her gaze. “I must tell you first,” she mumbled, “that I can’t pay your fee, Mr Holmes, b-but I can help in the garden, or –“ „Oh, but lost animal cases are always free of charge,” Holmes said casually, folding the newspaper and throwing it onto the floor next to his armchair. He is, as I have often stated, really a rather brilliant man.

After the Great War, Holmes and Watson are living a quiet life somewhere in Sussex. The days of great detective work lie in the past, but when a distressed young client asks them for help with finding her lost cat, Holmes and Watson have to solve a case that might turn out to be just beyond their limits.

Flowery Prose

Holmes rarely read to me, and never like this.

The Return of Dr Watson

I think of myself as a practical woman. I am proud to say that I have always been able to manage my household in the most efficient manner, purchasing only what is of good quality without requiring any unnecessary expenses. I have one possession, however, that is an exception to that rule. This is the story of how not only one but two of my tenants returned to Baker Street, and how I came to own one of London’s finest tea services as a result.

Mr Holmes returns. Dr Watson leaves. Mrs Hudson realises that London’s greatest detective might require a little assistance with winning the good doctor back.

The Adventures of the Amorous Amateur

Five times Sherlock Holmes is bad in bed and one time Watson is too.

The Heart's Desire

In which Watson learns how to make love to Sherlock Holmes.

The Adventure of the Lost Footing

“You have been in this particular mood for months,” Holmes stated. “You are in pain, but worse than that, you feel useless. You would clearly be more comfortable – and productive – away from London. Therefore, it seems a permanent relocation is in order.”

When Watson is no longer able to keep step with Sherlock Holmes, he expects to be left behind. As it turns out, Holmes has already devised a plan.

Of Seeing London Again

I had dreamed of London day and night, and now I had returned, but I was not home yet. It would not be until Moran was caught and I could finally reveal myself to my old friend Watson that I would be able to find a modicum of peace.

A Kinder Heart

“Holmes?” The pipe clattered to the floor and there was tobacco scattered all around it, but it passed like a flash before my eyes because I had spun around to face whoever had entered the room. It was Watson, of course.

how am i meant to show my love when i peel an orange but need a shovel to give you a slice

CHRISTMAS EVE, 1890 - part 3 - part 1 - part 2 - bit of a cliffhanger on this one - Watson's Sketchbook will return with THE BLUE CARBUNCLE!

(this is the Watson's Sketchbook series!)

@cactisays I feel attacked

I don't know what this is but I'm tossing it out to the universe now

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.