People Underestimate How Much It Fucks You Up To Be Subtly Excluded As A Kid. I Would Try To Talk To

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

More Posts from Kychloreine and Others

7 years ago

Crowley :

I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was ! Armageddon is our real test. Saving the world is our cause ! Oooh ! We will travel across England, Searching far and wide. The Antichrist to understand The power that’s inside !

Good Omens ! It’s you and me, I know it’s our destiny ! Good Omens ! Ooh you’re my best friend, (not related to Queen) In a world we must defend ! Good Omens ! A heart so true ! Our friendship will pull us through !

Gotta save the world ! Gotta save the world !

Aziraphale :

Every challenge along the way, With courage we will face ! We will battle everyday, To claim our rightful place ! Come with me, The time is right ! There’s no better team ! Hand in hand, We’ll win the fight…

Crowley:

You’re enough a bastard to be worth liking !

Both:

Good Omens ! It’s you and me, I know it’s my destiny ! Good Omens ! Ooh you’re my best friend, (not related to Queen again…) In a world we must defend ! Good Omens ! A heart so true ! Our friendship will pull us through ! Gotta save the world ! Gotta save the world !

GOOD OMENS !


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11 months ago

the concept of fatphobia isn't "skinny people have never ever been shamed or insecure about their bodies ever" but rather "society literally doesn't want fat people to exist at any cost to the point healthcare systems are willing to let fat people die rather than address any other possible medical issue, in addition to facing insults and disgust at every turn socially". online the fact u can't make a body positive or even neutral post without somebody going "but what about us naturally skinny and petite people" is so fucked man

1 year ago

Which of these would you rather see on your dash?

Which Of These Would You Rather See On Your Dash?

Hey @staff. This is a perfect example of why collapsed reblogs is such a bad idea. Seeing the full thread, you go like this: 😮 ooh, that's cool 😀 "they're free," hehe! 🤣 "16 cents," perfection!!

I have achieved joy, I feel positive feelings toward Tumblr, I want to engage, I want to stay, my eyeballs land on more ads, you make more money, everyone wins! 🎉

Seeing the collapsed thread, you go like this:

😮 ooh, that's cool 😐 "16 cents"? yes, that's literally what the pic shows, not sure why you felt the need to say that

There is no motivation for me to uncollapse the reblog chain—it looks like a boring conversation about the denominations of coins. And even if I do uncollapse it, you've ruined the joke by showing me the punchline before the setup. I am sad, Tumblr is boring, I go elsewhere to entertain myself, I see less ads, you make less money, everyone loses. 😥

Reblog chains are the best thing about Tumblr. They are your unique super power. They are the thing that makes people screenshot Tumblr and share it around. Why on earth would you kneecap them??

I don't know exactly how you plan to implement this. Give people the option to keep them collapsed if there truly are people who are annoyed by how long they can get (you already have a version of this feature), but don't collapse them for everyone or new users by default. Please. It will make Tumblr so much more boring.


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1 year ago

One of the most healing things I’ve strove (striven?) to do in my life is viewing sex as just another thing people do, among a host of other things like eating and pooping and playing with cats.

Our entire society, feminists and puritans alike, pushes the idea that sex is uniquely powerful and dangerous, capable of inflicting The Worst Trauma or the Highest Fulfillment, and that’s…just flat out untrue. Other experiences can cause similar trauma: violence, disasters, war, instability. Other experiences can result in transcendent pleasure: trance states, live music, non-sexual intimacy, tattoos.

I think this is where the disconnect in perception about sex positivity comes from, because the phrase itself makes people who already view sex as being uniquely powerful think sex positivity means viewing sex as uniquely good, when actually…it’s mostly about taking sex off that pedestal. Normalizing sex. Making it into just another thing people do. Because that’s the first step in making sure people can engage with sex on their own terms in a healthy way.

Taking sex off its cultural pedestal was the thing that allowed me to overcome the deeply-instilled shame I developed from being raised within Christian purity culture, and from being queer, and from existing as a woman. I think a failure to do that, in feminist circles, often leads to an overblowing of the (very real) harm that sex has the potential to do at the exclusion of other problems facing women and other marginalized groups, which often leads to more shaming rhetoric - just rhetoric that shames different people for different reasons.

Sex is not the enemy and it’s not our savior. It’s just one more thing people can do with their bodies.

3 years ago

Will I be okay ?

Will I ?

Fuck the meritocracy

Fascism is on the rise

I will not be the first target

but I'm scared I will be the second

I should fight like hell

For me, for my friends

But I'm tired and powerless

Things don't feel like

they're getting better

Help.

We're supposed to be one

of the best countries

when it comes to social rights

But they're slowly

Eroding

There's nowhere else to go

when it all comes to shit

I can't run

No flight only fight

or freeze

I don't get a second chance

I pray to any god that listens

Don't let it come to that.

I pray to my peers

Don't let it come to that.

I pray to the reader

Don't let it come to that.

But I might preach to the choir

Don't let it come to that.

And I pray to the ones that want me dead

Take pity, be human

Or I will have to fight to death

It's not too late

I will try to take you down with me

Make you suffer like you make me

Or maybe I won't

Maybe when the time comes

I will be weak

I don't wanna find out

Don't let it come to that.


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1 year ago
Happy “Sherlock Holmes Can Legally Be Nice To Women,” Day To All Those Who Celebrate.

Happy “Sherlock Holmes Can Legally Be Nice To Women,” day to all those who celebrate.

1 year ago

Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.

Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.

Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.

When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.

The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.

And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.

If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.

It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.

It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.

And it's suffocating.

Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.

Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.

Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.

And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.

I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)

Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.

You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.

And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.


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1 year ago

anyway i looked up the post about seeing your grandma's boobs and tumblr has deleted the screenshot of the story where the finnish dude says that americans are "like that" because they haven't seen their grandma's tits

good job tumblr 👍


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1 year ago
A colored digital drawing of Sokka and Katara with their mom Kya. Sokka and Katara are drawn as little kids, wearing fur parkas with their hoods up. They’re building a snowman; Sokka is putting a stick on its head, while Katara is looking excitedly at their mom, who’s smiling and crouching next to them, offering a bright blue scarf. The background is a light blue color block
A colored digital drawing of a little Toph with her mom. Poppy is sitting cross legged and is playing the guqin with one hand, while with the other she’s gently placing Toph’s hand on the strings. Toph is kneeling before her and has a surprised expression. They’re both dressed in ornate jewel green clothes inspired by Tang Dynasty china garments. The background is a light lime green color block
A colored digital drawing of Zuko and Azula with their mom. Zuko and Azula are drawn as little kids. Ursa is kneeling on the ground smiling and looking at Zuko behind her. Azula is laying on Ursa’s lap, she’s smiling and has her arms and legs outstretched, she’s laughing and holding up a blue and orange theater mask. Zuko is jumping out from behind Ursa, with his hands raised as if he was trying to startle Azula. The background is a light sage green color block
A colored digital drawing of Aang and other two air nomad kids with monk Gyatso. Aang is in the centre of the picture and is holding up a kite shaped like a koi fish, and is smiling excitedly. Behind him another kid is holding the kite’s rope. Gyatso is sitting cross legged in front of Aang, he has his right hand raised, and is bending a soft breeze to make the kites fly. At the left of the picture there is another airbender kid kneeling down, he’s smiling and holding a blue bird-shaped kite. The background is a light blue color block

milfs…,, milves,

1 year ago

Reading about how intersex athletes have been treated is so fucking horrible. The countless lies and human rights violations. The discrimination and how it's ruined the lives of so many people is so awful. There has been no apologies from any athletics comptetions or organizations. They have blood on their hands. Just a tw for intersexism and mental health issues and suicide in the next paragraph because it can get pretty heavy.

Annet Negesa, who was a middle distance runner. She was suddenly barred from competing due to her hormones. No one told her why. She was then told she needed to take medication to lower her testosterone, then what she was told was switched. She was lied to about a surgery that she was told was like an injection and would let her compete again. She woke up with scars and had had a gonadectomy. That violation of basic human rights and medical ethics combined with inadequate postsurgical care basically ended her career. She deserves justice. She deserves apologies from the Olympics and everyone single doctor who was involved in it, and compensation and the promise that it should never have happened and will never happen again. She. Needs. Justice.

Pratima Gaonkar needs justice. She was a rising track and field star. After forced sex verificatiom she killed herself. The way media and news treated her after her death was disgusting. She deserves and needs justice. Her family deserves justice.

Santhi Soundarajan had her medals stripped and was treated as an outcast after forced sex verification showed she had androgen insensitivity syndrome. She was treated as an outcast, her gender was mocked. She's spoken out about how much discrimination she's faced, and how badly she's been treated. She now works as a coach, but was barred from competing. She deserves justice.

Caster Semenya deserves justice. Francine Niyonsaba deserves justice. Margaret Wambui deserves justice. Barbra Banda deserves justice. Beatrice Masilingi and Christine Mboma deserve justice.

The racism and intersexism and horrible human rights violations and medical abuse these women have faced for the supposed crime of being intersex and good at a sport is horrible. They deserve justice, but the organizations that perpetuate these atrocities don't seem to care. It's so fucking horrible.


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kychloreine - ❇ KychloReine ❇
❇ KychloReine ❇

French. Posts sometimes. Can't pass up an opportunity to apocalypse. (Yes, I know it's not a proper verb.)

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