Twenty Twenty

twenty twenty

Here we are, back with my yearly update on Tumblr. Not sure if this is the best place to be posting these, but I parked my words here in 2012 and haven’t looked back ever since.

And hey - maybe one day I’ll start my own web-journaling company 😉. Jk. Kind of. I’ve certainly thought about it before. ANYWAY, let’s reflect a bit, shall we?

To be honest, this is not easy to write. Normally I’d recap the year, talk about the ups and downs, etc. And I’ve typed out a few different drafts on what I want to express here… but none of them can capture the breadth of 2020. And I mean, what words can I commit to text that haven’t already been declared and circulated across social media platforms worldwide?

But the one phrase that keeps crossing my mind is something that you may be familiar with if you grew up in the church. It’s a chant that was spoken every morning in Sunday school and we were reminded of it in the good times and bad. It goes like this:

Leader: God is good, Response: All the time! Leader: All the time, Response: God is good!

I have grown to love these words, to cherish them, to live by them, and to encourage others by them. But if there’s a year of my life that has challenged that to the depths of my soul, 2020 is certainly it.

Was God good in 2020, where millions were left to suffer and die through a global pandemic? Was God good in 2020, where billions of livelihoods were interrupted, disrupted, and even eradicated in the blink of an eye? Was God good in 2020, to allow so many who represent Him (Christians) to spew hatred and show no compassion to the world?

These are questions that I have pushed to the back of my mind because I don’t want to come to terms with them. And certainly there are many more unanswered questions that have left me in an existential daze.

By the way, if you were looking for an answer to those questions, you’ve come to the wrong place. Quite frankly, I do not know God’s plans nor do I understand His ways.

But here’s what I do know: I desperately cling onto this little thing called faith. What is faith?

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:39-40)

Some of you may be thinking, “Steven… why would you have faith in God now? What indication has God given to you that He exists, let alone is a good God?”

This is most definitely a valid question and is even something I ask myself at times. Long story short, I gave my life to God many years ago and it is the single decision that has given me complete peace and joy. My faith is the most important part of my life and it’s the reason I live. At the end of the day, God has placed me here to share His love with those around me. As for the longer story - hopefully I can share my full testimony with y’all in the future.

So for 2020, I leave with more questions than when I entered. But if there’s a single thing this year has taught me, it is that I so desperately need God. (If this sounds familiar, that’s because I believe I wrote those exact words in 2019 and 2018 as well). And I may not understand why 2020 had to happen, but I hope and have faith that there was a reason for it all in His plans mapped out across eternity.

WELL. I certainly did not think I would end up here when I started writing this entry. It’s not the most perfectly written thing. But this is what’s on my heart today. I hope you all out there are doing okay, staying healthy, and making the most out of the life you are given. Love you and see you in 2021.

Oh, I guess one good thing about 2020 is I got to spend a lot of time with this guy.