𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄

where... where tf did all my fav smau authors go.... why have i not been mentioned in any new chapters on smaus....

sae & rin itoshi with a neglected reader part 2 / part 1 ! ✧　　⁺　➥　heavy themes, gn!reader dies, delusions, bad writing, death is accidental, not proof read

"a weird one - unlike any of the brothers" "i agree, they seem desperate" "must've been hard to be overshadowed" "hush !! if you say it that loud they might h-" SLAM

it was so bad that many people were gawking at the sight, the troubled child of the itoshi family had just punched someone. straight in the face - your knuckles where white as you kept clenching on them, shaking and their face was red. it was so bad that many people were gawking at the sight, the troubled child of the itoshi family had just punched someone. straight in the face - your knuckles where white as you kept clenching on them, shaking and their face was red.

your parents were disappointed. they gave you everything you had and you had the audacity to harm someone over some small words? maybe you are the black sheep of the family. "You need to learn how to control your anger and ..." the tears prevented you from hearing properly, words igniting a deep fire in your heart. you wanted to run away, so fast, away but something was holding you back. your neck felt like it was pinched by thorns - your eyes were hurting. "we're off." your parents stood up and walked to the door. was this abandonment? why was this scene so familiar before? it was the same hair color, walking together out of that damn door and leaving you behind - for a moment you manage to raise up your hand and tried to call out to them. "sae....rin" where are they?

life was seemingly getting better, you wore the same clothes everyday, looked at the same things everyday, ate the same things everyday. walking along the grassy fields, you don't know where you were, your legs hurt and you were dazed, the fire in your heart growing more larger by the second. it was a hot day. water. you needed water. where's water? those words seemingly registered in your brain and your exhausted legs took you to a place where it felt oh so similar. oh. it was a public pool, how nice - exactly where water was. the sounds of whirring were surrounding you. in the middle of the pool, was sae and rin in their floaties. wait. sae and rin ? really ? they looked at you with warming eyes and waved their hands at you - beckoning you to come over. you jumped into the pool. so this is where they were. you don't even question it, you were happily playing the water with your brothers - when has life ever been this relaxing? for some reason, it felt truly good to be in the water this time - that fire in your heart has been such a bother, the water in the pool dimmed it immediately.

sae never thought he was a bad brother, he just thought he had too little time. he saw your texts, saw your glances, saw you liking his every post on social ( wait he knows your user ? ) but tough luck - he doesn't know how to respond to all of this. he was devastated when the awkward relationship with rin started, he just never thought caring for your feelings.

sae doesn't know anything but football. he wants to tell you he cares and that you will always be the very best sibling he could ever have, even up until now he collects and favourites every image of the two of you together, some with rin too maybe.

to properly explain his love for you, is like this : he loves you, he really does, and he wishes he could have more time for you.

rin is so not aware of his actions - he thought that sae was being a good brother to you so he automatically assumes you have an awkward assumption about him too.

rin thinks, that sae is doing the part of brother and sister with you, without needing him. and it hurts him, he wouldn't admit it though. it hurts to have sae throw their dreams out the window and now he wants to hog all your attention too.

he thinks he's doing the most, sae has your time and he will never be able to fit in the picture. after all - only the best footplay player can properly protect such an innocent person.

it was when sae and rin walked to the beach - not expecting to see each other. oh well, they could just do a mean little bump, a hi and walk along.

when their shoulders were about to meet each other, sae suddendly stopped walking which makes rin glance over and sae tugs his arm - tightly. what? "there's somebody jumping off the bridge." sae said, a bit shakily. rin turns his head back. "is that-" rin stops. and the both of them dashed. sae called the ambulance and rin went over to the edge of the beach, trying to figure out what he just saw. he was so certain it was you, but why would it to be you? you had no reason too, right? "..." your body was gently carried out of the dark sea, not very hard to find you considering all you did was plunge down into the water. rin's body was numb, he couldn't control his limbs, he fell down. sae tried to dash over to your cold body but the authorities stopped him and told him to back away. never has he ever felt so desperate, such want for something. but.. don't you look a little weird? your clothes were tattered, rashes and bruises were placed all over your body, it was like you were abandoned on the streets. "i thought you were looking after them" rin stated - not questioning, just a statement. "isn't it the other way around?" sae replied back, wanting to push the blame onto rin. there was no way this had happened. he refused to admit that his lack of attention to you caused this. it had to be someone, rin maybe. "there's no point in being the best at something, if you cannot bested your feelings" rin spat out, pushing the blame back. sae is the oldest, right? he should have taken care of you. both of them stared at each other's gazes you were playing water with them, with cool floaties the blame wasn't pushed anymore, it was divided within their hearts you went to get a hot chocolate with marshmellows, rin and sae having energy drinks the blame was so heavy they felt the sting, feeling the coldness of your body on their faces you went home with sae and rin, hand in hand

sae and rin never recovered. the nights were as cold as a dead body. sometimes sae cried and cried, rin suddenly sharing a room with his brother again, cried too - never stopped until the morning where the sun rises and dries off the water. was this also how you felt? texts were answered years later but no responses. "i thought you were looking after them." "i thought i did enough." "what if-" "there are no what ifs anymore." silence followed. then sniffles and tears.

your room collected dust overtime, the curtains covering up your window perfectly - to block off any nosy people. sae sometimes goes inside your room, sits on the floor. rin would silently knock on the door, hoping someone would open it. sometimes, rin would find sae sitting on the floor and joins him too - as they dream of another day

a/n : for further explanation - reader was abandoned by their parents and they left reader alone, thus why eat drink and wear the same thing. they were in a state of delusion and their legs instinctively took them to the sea where they often gazed with sae and rin. even at their last moments they really loved sae and rin so ya & i found a nice discord username finally omg im happy w this one

izumi i changed my mind about you being a creepy mid asshole i think i'm madly inlove with you and i want to marry and have children with you and then we run a little ice cream shop and then put our toes in between eachtoehrs and have intense eye contact before we sleep and live happily ever after

helloo! i love ur work and was wondering if i could request your last leo work with izumi and natsume? thank u have a wonderful day/evening<3

hellaur hellaur! im so glad you liked it! ofc you can dear, please enjoy!

[ leo ver. ]

bandaids - s. natsume & s. izumi

he was reading one of his spell books when you stormed into the house in tears, which was surprising in itself.

naturally, he got up to follow after you and find out what had you at your wits end. hopefully nothing a little magic trick couldn't fix.

when you agreed to tell him he made you both a cup of hot chocolate (or tea, whichever you prefer) and sat you down in the living room, ready to listen to whatever troubles could have possibly dimmed your shine.

you told him about your day and how shitty it was and mans was flabbergasted

what do you mean your boss mistreats you??? he couldn't believe what you were saying. this random dude with a company was being sexist towards his s/o? by what right??

"now now, kitten. if it was so, you should've told me sooner. this is nothing the mighty sakasaki natsume can't possibly fix with a little di-"

"you can't make him disappear, sume."

"what do you mean i can't?"

good job, now he's the one grumbling.

"i still don't like you working there anymore. don't you want to look for a different job? you could manage switch, though i don't trust tsumugi near you either. he's not as bad as your boss of course, but he's... tsumugi. either way, if anything like this happens ever again, please let me know sooner. i want to be able to help you. however, my offer of managing switch still stands. if you ever decide to accept it, we'll welcome you with open arms."

izumi already knew how bad your work space was from when he visited you one time, he never told you to quit because of how happy you seemed when talking about your coworker and how you were happy your paycheck was big enough to help him with paying the bills so it didn't feel like you were using him for his riches.

which, by the way, nobody thought in the first place. izumi wouldn't mind paying everything himself, he would never use that against you. he had tons of cash he didn't even know what to do with, it would honestly be the least he can do.

anyway, he figured one day you'd also realize you need a better job, and he's prepared for when that day comes. when today you weren't replying to his messages, he thought maybe the day has finally come. oh how right he was. he just wishes it didn't involve you having a mental breakdown.

"it's alright dear. come, let's sit down and talk about it, alright? please don't cry."

with each word that came out of your mouth his anger increased. he knew it was bad, he just didn't think it was to this extent.

"hm. your boss and coworkers need someone to talk some sense into them. what? oh, quit looking at me like that. i won't do it myself of course, i have a reputation to uphold. doesn't know i don't know people who will do it for me. now you're glaring at me, but if you had listened to me and applied for that other job i told you about, this could've been avoided. ow! i'm just saying!"

if glaring fails, simply elbow him. always works. he may sound condescending or whatever but i promise he means well. he just wants you to be happy.

".. shi .. you 'nt..."

"what?"

he sighed, "i said i can't offer you a job since we just got a new manager- leo's girlfriend or whatever- but arashi mentioned she needs a manager or something like that. the other agency i told you about have no offers anymore, but since it's arashi i'm sure she'd hire you in a heartbeat. if you want, that is."

he's a little hard around the edges but he loves you more than anyone, and you can bet on that.

ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @hugs4shizu @mikctp @meiquipo @ibaraluvr @venusflwers @tokusaatsus // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

thoughts were thunk and i had to draw it before i forgot -,,,orphan kaiser who always got picked on and protected his little soccer ball with his life,,, it was the only thing he had -who stares at others like how the adults looked at himmmm -kaiser who got in on a sports scholarship and has the monthly dilemma to starve in order to keep his hair blue so he can get along with the other students -people pleaser kaiser…. fake sticker tattoos….. trying out eyeliner………….

RUIN MY PLANS ! sae itoshi x manager! reader. fluff.

☆彡– really, he should have known better than to let someone in so easily– now you've ruined his plans and stained your muddy footprints all over his heart.

even in the beginning, it was always just sae and soccer.

(wrong. there was also rin– who used to idolized him as one would a celebrity, and his supportive parents– who sent him snacks and supportive notes when he was abroad.)

nevertheless, there really was no one in the small world of sae itoshi; hidden beneath the bitter guise of frigid thunder and even icier storms– until you first came in as his own brand new manager, (slightly naive) smile differing strikingly from his indifferent countenance.

you've unsolicitedly trampled all over his once-tranquil paradise over the years, sae thinks, because now he can't imagine a future without you– it makes his skin crawl and it feels sickening. how mediocre of him.

and just as sae starts to slowly accept the unfamiliar whirlwind of emotions in his life after denying his feelings for so long, his fragile world collapses again.

"i'm going to resign soon."

oh.

sae's heart sinks to his stomach. he feels like his whole world is falling apart– just like in the movies– and he's infuriated. resentment always came easily to sae, after all; but the fact that it's you makes his stomach churn.

(you, who unexpectedly won a place in his life with your lukewarm anecdotes, stupid laughter and reckless work habits. really, he should have known better than to let someone in so easily– now you've ruined his plans and stained your muddy footprints all over his heart.)

the soft music thrumming through the speakers of an expensive restaurant fuels his rage even more, and you're still sitting there nonchalantly– calm and composed, expression showing no signs of discomfort nor awkwardness.

and it really pisses him off.

he's treated you so well over the years too; trying to be on his best behaviour on his interviews with the press (read: not walking off); listening half-heartedly to your ramblings on how to increase his popularity (though he couldn't care less); and even going so far as to mind his language sometimes.

upon further reflection, maybe he really was the jerk here.

but in contrast to his internal turmoil, sae's demeanour remains tepid save for the slight furrow of his eyebrows. "huh? what's wrong with you?"

it comes out a lot harsher than intended.

you've known sae long enough to read his minuscule body language, and that the slight wince at his own words mean that he's a little apologetic– not that his ego would have ever allowed him to admit it. (if anything, it makes you realise that you've stayed in this job too long for your liking.)

–it's absolutely unhealthy to be around him for so long, you affirm to yourself. that's why you're resigning after six gruelling years.

the way you shift in your chair almost makes him worry.

"it's nothing big, i just want to start a normal life." you respond, albeit tentatively. "maybe cut off travelling around for a bit, have a less stressful job, get a partner–"

he scoffs at that. (it's not due to jealousy, definitely.) "you could do that even while being a manager; it's just a little busier than a normal life. plus, it's not too stressful, is it?"

you work more than 17 hours on busy days– even answering his spur of the moment midnight calls. as much as an eye candy as sae is, you don't think your heart can handle him much longer despite how unaffected you look.

(little did you know, he would've long cut back on the immense workload if you had so much as mentioned it– he would have gone beyond limits to keep you by his side, because you're the only constant in his world of football. and he likes that.)

"i suppose so– i guess settling back into Japan might make dating a lot easier, as well as stop my parent's nagging." you sigh. "they're constantly pestering me on when i'll get married."

sae's had his share of flings in europe before– so he has no idea why his heart races so fast at the mere thought of a reckless idea.

"so date me."

you choke. his face stays stoic, utterly contradicting to the way he swallows thickly– he really is a mess. now he's ruined every single healthy relationship he's ever had in his life.

and never in your life did you think you would get to hear sae itoshi ask you out, even if it was just for his own benefit. "it won't hinder with your work, and it'll be easy to convince your parents, won't it?"

you hate how persuasive he is.

(that night, you end up making a decision that might just cost you more than your sappy feelings.)

shut-in leo noises for your listening pleasure

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓-𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐗

pairing. itoshi rin x gn!reader

summary. it's valentine's day and you're determined to tell rin about your feelings for him. however, that proves to be a little difficult after watching him reject everyone who beats you to it.

content warnings. 3.5k wc, college au, fluff, thoughts of unrequited feelings.

this is an unusual level of antsy. your leg doesn't usually bounce up and down so restlessly as you wait for your bus. you don't usually nervously nibble away at your nails. and your eyes don't usually dart over your shoulder in search of a certain someone. how silly, you think as you center your gaze ahead and tuck your hands under your thighs to resist ruining your nails any further. you're a jittery mess and all because it's valentine's day.

normally, that fact wouldn't mean much to you. in past years, you'd either let the day pass like any other or spend it with your partner if you had one at the time. but things in your life are different than they've been every other time the holiday came around—one of those things being a person. someone who isn't your boyfriend but you've started seeing as more than a friend. someone who, despite putting in no effort whatsoever, is wildly popular with everyone, especially the ladies, on your campus. someone whose name is itoshi rin.

every other day of the year, all three hundred and sixty-four of them, you're more than able to bury your feelings—ignore the crush and live life as though you aren't slowly falling for one of your closest friends. but you have a feeling doing that much will be difficult today.

after all, who would want to spend the day watching the guy they like get confessed to for hours on end?

you really have no right to be jealous—not when you still haven't found the courage to confess to him yourself. but the mere thought of idly standing by and watching these girls do something you can't has been making you feel a bit nauseous all morning. it's not as petty as it sounds, you're just not sure how confident you are in your abilities to keep your feelings hidden given the circumstances. the thought of slipping up and accidentally coming clean about your crush just to be thrown into the pile of everyone else he's rejected is a sickening one. you're just hoping that he doesn't see through you, that your mask can stay on long enough to keep him in the dark—at least until you're ready to tell him on your own terms.

your eyebrows furrow as you think about how long this day is going to be.

"hey." a voice from above you cuts through the air and pulls you out of your head. it's his voice.

"oh!" your shoulders jerk up in surprise as you turn to face the man. he's standing a foot away from you, hands stuffed in his pockets, strands of dark hair blown out of place by the wind. teal irises framed by thick lashes meet your gaze with an unwavering stare. you clear your throat and paint on a smile. "good morning, rin."

he hums, eyes dropping from your face to your leg that has yet to stop bouncing. "you okay?"

you frown in silent confusion at his question. he can read you perfectly and points to your leg to clarify.

you follow the path of his finger to the only physical sign of your jitters. you bite your cheek and consciously hold your foot against the sidewalk. so much for trying to hide your nerves. you spit out the first excuse that comes to mind. "i'm fine. just a little chilly, i guess."

"here." rin pulls his hand out of his pocket and holds out his arm, offering you the jacket hanging from it. it's the one he brings to class every day, one that everyone would recognize as his. that fact makes you hesitate taking it—people would get the wrong idea.

but, maybe that would deter those girls from approaching him...

you shake the selfish thought from your head. since when did you get so possessive—and over a man who isn't yours, at that? you're almost tempted to turn him down just to prove to yourself that you aren't some crazy jealous person, but you know that rin won't let you walk away without it. you stand up and take the zip up from him. "thank you."

setting your backpack in the seat you'd just abandoned, you shrug the sleeves over your shoulders. you were just trying to distract him when you said you were cold, but you'd be lying if you said being wrapped in his jacket didn't warm you up.

downplaying your feelings today is going to be easier said than done.

the nerves hit again when the two of you arrive on campus. there's a palpable aura surrounding the campus, one of hope and love and everything that embodies the holiday. if it were visible, the air around you would be tinted pink and red.

your uneasiness is only amplified when you catch sight of her—the girl approaching you, no, rin, with a box held carefully in her hands. there's a nervous skip in your heartbeat as you turn your eyes to the ground in an attempt to avoid the awkwardness. you focus on the footsteps and chatter of passersby to drown out the conversation taking place beside you, but you're still able to pick out some of the words; rin's gentle but firm rejection and the girl's disappointed and defeated goodbye.

you weren't rooting for her, but watching her walk away with her head hung makes you feel bad. that could just as easily have been you.

"forgot it was valentine's day," rin mumbles to himself. the day has never meant much to him in the past and in the interest of not leading anyone on, he's always declined the chocolates presented to him. most people don't think of him as the type to care about the feelings of others, but giving someone false hope is cruel. there's no reason this year should be any different.

he runs a hand through his windswept hair, though the strands just fall back onto his forehead. he turns to his right where you're standing, your fingers clumsily toying with the straps of your backpack, what he thinks is a pitiful smile tugging at your lips. "what?" he asks.

"i don't know." you shrug. "i guess i just feel sorry for her. no one wants to get turned down by the guy they like."

"yeah, well, there's no guarantee they'll feel the same way," rin counters, nodding his head in the direction of your class building. you're sure they aren't directed at you, but the words sting—enough to cement your feet to the ground as rin starts on the way to your first shared class. it takes you a moment to will yourself to move, to fall into step beside him. the statement is a little harsh, but he's right. you know he is because it's the exact reason you're so reluctant to tell him about your feelings.

what if he doesn't feel the same?

"hey." you turn to him with wide eyes. did he catch on? you're almost sure he's going to question you about your strange behavior when he speaks up but, thankfully, he doesn't. "if anyone asks you to play messenger, just tell them i'm not interested."

you're tempted to laugh at that. no girl is going to see you turning them away on rin's behalf as anything less than sabotage. despite your skepticism that any of those potential encounters will bode over well, you nod. "got it."

the next proclamation of love isn't as direct; when the two of you make it to your first class of the day, there's a box sitting on the table you and rin regularly sit at. the envelope stuck under the ribbon tied in a neat bow has his name written across the front. you take a seat and silently wonder what he'll do. it's not like he can turn them down like this.

you're proven wrong when rin picks up the box and walks it to the front of the room, dropping it in the trash can. the action stirs up murmurs of disbelief as rin makes his way back to your table. you keep your eyes down in hopes of not seeing the face of the girl whose heart just shattered.

you think about each unfavorable interaction as you aimlessly wander the expanse of the courtyard. the fresh air was supposed to keep you from dwelling on things but your mind isn't so keen on giving you a break. it has to be because you went into today determined to do the same. every rejection you witness makes you reconsider your decision but you know you have to tell him today. if you don't, you're not sure you'll ever tell rin how you feel.

a sigh that resembles more of a pained groan pushes past your lips as you run a hand over your hair. maybe you should have skipped class today. you'd still be a nervous mess when you finally presented rin with the dumb little heart-shaped box you bought, but at least you wouldn't be replaying the worst-case scenario in your head as you did so.

you squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. time travel isn't possible and you can't change the past. the only thing you can do now is charge forward.

when you open your eyes, there's someone walking towards you. a girl. unsurprisingly, she's got a box in her hands. you bite the inside of your cheek. you were really hoping you wouldn't have to deal with this.

the girl stops a few steps in front of you. despite the boldness in her approach, one that told you she recognized you, she still asks, "you're friends with rin, right?"

"uh, yeah."

"could you give these to him for me?" she asks. you remember rin's words and are a second from repeating them when the girl all but shoves the box into your hands, turning on her heel and rushing back the way she came.

mouth agape and hands heavy, you watch as she leaves. her figure is out of sight when you force your gaze down to the box. you bet its contents are just like those of the ones you put in your fridge last night. what are you supposed to do? throw them away as carelessly as rin had earlier?

"hey there." a voice sounds from behind you. you look over your shoulder to see who's addressing you and you're met with a matching set of cyan hair and eyes—hiori.

"ooh, chocolates." he points to the box in your hands as he comes to stand in front of you. "confessing to someone? rin maybe?"

"what? how did you-" you stop yourself from finishing that question. there's no way he could know. you haven't spoken a word to him about your feelings for rin. he's just assuming, nothing more. "no! what makes you think that?"

he shrugs, eyebrows raised at your adamant denial. "you haven't told me about any other guys in your life. so it's either rin or... oh my god. are you planning on confessing to me?"

"real funny." you gently nudge his ribs with your elbow but you can't fight the smile making its way onto your face. hiori breathes out a laugh and lightheartedly pats the top of your head. he has no idea how much you appreciate the much-needed, albeit short distraction.

hiori's eyes look past you. "hey rin."

you turn at the mention of his name to find him standing not far behind you. you offer him a smile but he doesn't return it. instead, his gaze falls to the box in your hands before they drag up to hiori and finally turn to you.

"are you ready to go?" he asks.

"yeah," you draw out the vowel, surprised at rin's unusual coldness toward hiori. you turn to the latter to say goodbye. "see you tomorrow."

hiori sends you off with a wave. the blue-haired boy watches your retreating figures with a playful shake of his head. he clicks his tongue as he starts on his way to his next class. "idiots."

"didn't know you liked hiori," rin speaks up from beside you, his eyes never straying from their focus forward. he's not sure why it took him the entire walk to the bus stop to broach the subject. maybe the strained silence was finally getting to him.

"i don't," you tell him. is that why he was so short with hiori? he's one of the few people rin gets along with. to see him practically ignore him was strange, to say the least.

"actually, these were meant for you." you hold the box up in the space between the two of you. "she handed them to me before i could say anything."

rin takes the box from your hold and slips it through the slot of the nearby garbage can. hearing the chocolates hit the rest of the trash almost makes you flinch. you uncomfortably laugh before asking, "do you really have to throw them away? isn't that a little harsh?"

"what else am i supposed to do with them?" accepting them in any way is an acknowledgment of their feelings and regifting them is out of the question. he wants to ask why you care so much but he already has an idea. you've always been more sympathetic than him. "i told you, i can't help that i don't feel the same."

rin's right. he has as little control over his feelings as you do over yours. you can't expect him to reciprocate, not the feelings of those girls and not yours. it's a hard truth to accept but one you'll have to if you plan on going through tonight. the sooner you do, the easier it'll be.

"i get it," you breathe out and nod, more to convince yourself than anything. you're sure rin won't press the matter, but the arrival of the bus fills you with relief.

you spend the ride watching the passing scenery and steeling yourself for the evening to come.

there's a shared path you walk with rin until you branch off and go your separate ways. you usually wish him farewell there but today, rin lingers. you raise your eyebrows in a silent gesture that questions his change in routine. he answers your unspoken question with one of his own. "are you still coming over later?"

is the universe mocking you? the moment you've strengthened your resolve, it's giving you a way out. a few hours ago you would have contemplated taking it but since then, you've come to terms with the fact that this isn't a situation you can control the outcome of. it may not end the way you want it to, but you don't want to hide your feelings forever. so you smile and shoot him a thumbs up. "yeah. yeah, i'll see you in a bit."

your phone loudly buzzes against the table, a text notification lighting up the screen. it's a check-in from rin; you're late. you pick the device up and type out a quick reply letting him know that you're on your way before shoving the phone in your pocket. your eyes turn to the spot beside the space your phone had occupied, the one where your box of homemade chocolates sits atop rin's folded jacket.

you slap your hands against your cheeks, rubbing the skin up and down as you breathe out a deep breath. "you got this," you remind yourself as you gather the items against your chest and start your walk to rin's apartment.

your fist feels heavy as it knocks against his unit's door. it doesn't take long before it swings open, revealing rin on the other side. the outfit he had worn to campus is traded in for something comfier—sweatpants and a t-shirt. he steps aside to let you in and you enter, kicking your shoes off and sliding into a pair of slippers he leaves out for guests.

you follow rin to the couch and take a seat beside him, making sure to leave a good amount of space between you. his thumb presses down on the arrow keys of the remote as he navigates the streaming service's selection of films. "any requests?"

"no," you shake your head, "whatever you want is fine."

he hums and continues scrolling through the movies falling under the horror genre. your leg is bouncing again, just like this morning. you can't wait any longer.

"thanks for letting me borrow this." you set his hoodie on the cushion of the couch, the empty portion between you and him. your voice and the movement he catches out of the corner of his eye lead rin to pause his search, to turn and face you.

you feel small under his gaze but will yourself to place the box on top of the folded fabric. "and these... are for you, too."

teal irises scrutinize the box. your heartbeat is loud in your ears, the only thing you can hear in the silent room. rin's lack of a reaction has the palms of your hands sweating.

"they're from me if you're wondering why i didn't toss them out," you attempt to joke, but you don't laugh. and neither does rin.

he picks up the box and you swear your heart lurches up into your throat with the action. your mind is a mess of thoughts ricocheting off the surface of your skull. why is he so quiet? is he trying to figure out how to let you down easy? no—he's got to be thinking about how you crossed the line. there's no way the two of you can go back to normal after this. this was a bad, bad idea— "i thought you were mad because i was turning all those girls down."

you don't understand what his words mean but the simple sound of his voice draws you back to reality, pulls you out of your head and away from those thoughts. when you look at rin, his eyes are already on you.

"what?" you croak out.

"i thought you were cheering them on or hoping that i'd end up accepting one of them," rin admits. "that's why i kept saying i couldn't change how i feel."

he sees it now. those questions and your looks of pity—sure, you probably did feel bad for them but really, you were putting yourself in their shoes. "you thought i'd turn you down, too?"

"i don't know." you cross your arms to shield yourself from his possible reply to your question of, "are you going to?"

"i told you i wasn't interested in them," he repeats himself for what feels like the umpteenth time. though, the next part is new, something he has to turn his gaze down to get out. "i never said anything about not being interested in you."

his statement is vague and while you think you know what he’s trying to convey, you have to be sure. the weight won’t be lifted off of your shoulders until you know. swallowing thickly, you ask, "is that your way of saying you're interested in me?"

rin looks back up at you as if it’s obvious. "why else would i have rejected all those girls?"

"you not liking them isn’t really enough evidence for me to have made that connection, rin." you slap his shoulder for putting you through unnecessary mental gymnastics. “just say you like me.”

“aren’t you supposed to be the one saying that to me?” he asks, shaking the heart-shaped box in the air as though you had forgotten.

“hey! be careful with those, they took all night to make.” it’s a little embarrassing to admit, but you think you’re past the point of caring. “and i wouldn’t do that for someone i didn’t like.”

you scan his features for any signs of discomfort but everything about his countenance is normal—all but the flush of pink creeping up on his cheeks. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him blush before this moment. the sight makes you giddy but, more than anything, you feel like you can breathe normally for the first time today.

“well,” he looks down to avoid your gaze, carefully taking the lid off of the box, “i wouldn’t accept chocolates from someone i didn’t like either.”

the smile that graces your lips at his declaration is one of pure joy. you’d spent so much time analyzing and assessing the negatives all day that you didn’t even allow yourself to imagine how it would feel if rin felt the same. it's almost like a dream.

it's silly, you know, but you can't help but reach out and poke the flesh of his cheek with your index finger.

blue-green eyes flit up from the piece of candy held between his lithe fingers to meet yours. "what was that for?"

you grin. "just making sure this is all real."

thanks for reading! comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

obsessed with bed.. i love bed. obsessed with pillows blankets and such literally love sleeping

;Where to read Enstars! Mainstory/Events/Scouts stories

Because I am a bit bored today and doesn't have the motivation to get back writing, I decided to share this a little information where you can read the Ensemble stars english translations that were taken down due to some copy-right and shit. I am fully aware that some of you must be absolutely devasted as hell, especially the newcomers who is still new to Ensemble stars. You will be grateful for the assistance I am about to give you, saving you the time it would take to search Enstars english translation, Anyhow- shall we get started fellas?

(1) Okay, In order to find the English translations, you must first search "Wayback Machine" this is where you are going to be able to read the translations (You can also read Enstars!! here, however the translations hasn't been finished because it got removed)

(2) Once you are on the website, the next step is you should do is search for "Ensemble stars wiki fandom" the english one okay? not that one from japanese one etc. Ehem- after you've done the search, the next thing you got to do is copy the link

(3) After that, you simply need to paste the link into to the search bar like in the image above. Then, for obvious reasons, you must click "Browse History."

(4) The moment you click it, you will be directed to this. It will display the years, months, and days that the Enstars fans updated the English wiki, along with any translations.

Step Five: Click the year 2021

(5) Scroll down to August, after that. the next thing you have to do click is day 18.

(6) Once you click the day 18, you will see this. then the next thing you have to click again is- 00:33:08. Please click the top option, okay??

(7) Blah, Blah, Blah. Once you've clicked '00:33:08' this will appear on your screen, click story, then click Ensemle stars(!) or Ensemble Strars(!!) Then it will show the mainstory, Event & Scout story and so forth. At that point, you could read the entire english translation of Enstars! with your heart contents, there is no need to struggle and hurriedly seek the translations on Google, pretty neat :DD

It will show you this when you clicked the Main Story

And then it will show you this if you clicked the Event & Scout story, all events and scouts are complete in Ensemble Stars! I think? Oh and btw you can read the Reminiscence event or scout in "Timeline"

(Note): That's all I have for now. I hope this was helpful and that I was able to explain it well. Let me know if you have any more questions. Please feel free to enquire in my blog. Goodbye!

word count: 285.

thinking about how indifferent blade will be when you confess your feelings to him. blade doesn’t see himself as a human being. he doesn’t think he has the right to feel things, not when he has been cursed by immortality by someone who he considered as a friend.

thinking about how blade will sneer when you finished pouring out your feelings. he will call you hurtful things: “are you stupid?”, “what makes you think i’ll love someone like you?”, “the thought of me being with you makes me sick.”

thinking about how blade ignored your teary eyes and heartbroken state. he walked away, without sparing a glance at you. he knew this wasn’t the right thing to do but as long as you’re out of harm's way, then he will continue living with the guilt buried in his body.

thinking about how blade gradually misses your presence. no matter what he does or where he goes, all he can think about is you. your laughter. your soothing touch. your bright and lifeful eyes. the yearning in his heart gradually consumed him until one day, he had enough.

thinking about how blade gathers up the courage and visits your home. the man was confused with how unusually silent it was. he was about to sneak in when your neighbor saw him and gave him a solemn look; a look he knew all too well.

thinking about how blade wallowed in regret. how he wished he could turn back time. how he wished he could take back the words he said to you. how he wished he was by your side, holding your hands and kissing you whenever he could. how he wished you were still alive.

note: lmao :3