For Future Reference For Myself. I Like To Read And Be Smart Sometimes.

This black cat.

I have a journal where I wrote random stuff that moves me. It just is what it is.

have a blank notebook but don’t know what to use it for? here’s some ideas!

bullet journal - obviously!! but if you already have one here are some more ideas… 

dream diary - i love looking back on my dreams, but do it in the morning before you forget them!

food journal - write down everything you eat for the day, maybe include water too!

memory book - write down your favorite memories to always look back on!

quotes journal - one place for all of your favorite quotes!

reviews journal - try a new restaurant? movie? book? food? write your review, how was it? did you enjoy it? would you do it again?

gratitude journal - write down everything your thankful for. 

daily journal - journal (almost) everyday. include anything you want, what you did for the day, what you ate, who you were with.

brain storming book - write down all of your awesome ideas in one place!

books of lists - if you love writing lists maybe you need a specific book to just write down all of your favorites!

recipe book - keep all of your favorite recipes here, or even recipes you want to try. 

wishlist book - keep a book of everything you want.

letters book - this could be rough drafts for letters, or letters you wish you could send to someone but know you’ll never have the courage to.

things to look up - have a space for everything you don’t want to forget to look up later or research more. 

news headlines book - write down the headlines from the day/week or important events that happened, how you felt about it. this will be interesting to look back on!

doodle book - are you a doodler when you’re talking on the phone or just watching TV? keep all of your doodles together!

let me know if you guys try any of these out! i’d love to know what you think xx

The aesthetic

Lynne O’Neill         ..enjoys a relaxing smoke break in her backyard!

It's my pie...

The way I describe my depression is that I'm a piece of pie; missing a piece.  Now, you can fill the missing piece with another piece of pie, say, an apple pie, but my pie is blueberry pie.  So, the apple pie fits into the missing piece, but it will forever be an apple pie in a sea of blue berry, it doesn't fit, it's not going to fit, and sure it may taste good, but the truth is, it's not blueberry, and that feeling, that nagging feeling in the back if your mind, that blueberry is not apple, and apple is not blueberry, starts to drive you crazy.  So you do this.

You try to fill the piece of you missing, with cake.  Chocolate cake, mind you, which is kind of the best.  But when you fit the cake into your missing piece, the crumbs don't match up to fully fit into your pie.  So you get that nagging feeling again that not all is right with the world.  But the nagging feeling is now an itch that you can't quite scratch.  You, as the pie, just want to be a whole blueberry pie.  Is that so hard to ask?  So you do this.

You try to make a whole other piece of blueberry pie, a better pie if you do say so yourself.  But you know, and your mind knows, and your heart knows, and your big toe knows, that you can't just make a whole other pie when that old pie with the missing piece is sitting right there, watching you, judging you, needing you.

So you sit at the kitchen table, with the light shining on you like a halo, and you choose, I mean, you have to choose, right?  Life is all about choices!  You have the whole pie, and the one with the piece missing.  You want the whole piece of pie, because that's fucking happiness, and the other is fucking misery.  You want to be happy right?  Right?  RIGHT?  Or do you want the missing piece, and feel relatively whole every once in a while, but utterly broken?   What do you want?  And you ponder, because what you want is usually dictated to you, and you've never actually stopped to think about what you want?  Did you ask to be a blueberry pie? 

So I, as the maker of the blueberry pie, make my choice.  I am neither whole, or broken, I am on the verge of completion.  I make my own choices.  My depression is my own, and I control it.  I will be whole, and I will be broken, and I have to live with it, I have to be okay with it.  I have to be okay with it.

Our love making was great tonight.

A heady mixture

of a new kind of pleasure. It’s mixed with pain and sustained joy.

A religious experience of purple

I’m off the grid

I’m basically off the grid. Aside from Twitter, Facebook, tumblr, instagram, my 5 email addresses, my online banking, my car, my house, my marriage license, credit cards, and my online persona of, “that darn Asian,” the government can’t find me.

Think of all the stories this car could tell. #funkyride #iwantthis