In All Things Of Nature There Is Something Of The Marvelous. -Aristotle

I’m the mother to a wonderful 7 week old, and at times I get sad because I don’t know what he wants when he’s crying and I’ve done everything possible for him, and I come to the conclusion that maybe it’s just me.

I’m very calm with him, I love him, I smile sweetly at him, I say to him that I understand that there’s a divide between us and I wish I could help him more as I kiss his chubby cheeks. And when he calms down, if he calms down, I hug him close until he falls asleep, and I but him down in his bassinet. I stare at him in such awe that I’m in love with this little creature, that when I sit down and focus on my breath, I realize that I’m dying a little on the inside.

My child breaks me everyday, but when he looks at me and focuses on me, I pick myself up again and start all over.

I realize I’m very hard on myself, but with my history, I gravitate towards it because it’s my punishment. I’ll admit that I love my child more than myself, that I care about him more than myself, but I’ll keep going because he needs me, and I need him.

I need him.

I love me some Tilly.

Noir Jennifer Tilly

Buddha said.....

What we think, we become.

I'm wanton

Tonight I surrender...

To the darker part of me. To let go of the purity of a gentle heart. To withdraw from the notion of others first before my own needs. To not be afraid of wanting to want. Tonight I surrender.

The Silence Within

Sometimes I have to force myself to smile, or speak when all I want to do is be expressionless and quiet.  My natural inclination is to take everything in and process it, while remaining stoic.  Sometimes it's painful to have expression.

Children's books always speak the truth. Sometimes the cloud clear, and the sun peeks through just about the time your depression seems like it's going to choke you.

If you put it out in the universe, maybe it'll come true.

About David Bowie...

I once wrote a short story where the main character is talking to her abuser/would be rapist, and they speak from lines right out of Labyrinth. I will be your Goblin king.

Eating before you shop, going alone, making a list and sticking to it, taking advantage of student discounts, using mobile and printed coupons, getting in-season produce, and buying generic store brands can save you thousands of dollars a year on groceries. 

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