There Is An IMAGE In My HEAD And I Cannot DRAW IT. Hatred And Rage.

I actually really like the possibility of Hinata and Kageyama sorta falling out of touch during the Brazil arc - not seeing each other during the Olympics or even texting much - bc I love the angst potential but also, it makes the most sense. Hinata has this sense of... inferiority i think? "why would Olympian Kageyama meet up with delivery boy me" and feels like he has to earn his place in the national stage to be able to meet Kageyama there, finally, as equals

And THEN when he finally gets there they just. Go back to talking and teasing each other like no time has passed at all. Meeting up with each other's friends, calling each other even when they're in different countries to talk about the silliest stuff. Keeping their tally updated regularly.

To me, the thought of them not talking for years feels deliciously angsty, while also making their rekindle all the more rewarding. And even when they're not in contact with each other there's still this underlying, unwavering trust in each other that they're both working towards the same goal. That they will meet again, when the time is right.

letter to theo by vincent van gogh

i just know he’s on that switch 12 hours a day

cats will be like oh you're walking somewhere? no WE'RE walking somewhere. and i will get there first. where is 'there' btw

[🏳️‍⚧️girl laios] reactions

addiction n abusive relationship metaphors are breaking down my door send help

head in my hands the last three panels are gonna live in my head forever

We need less "shy, anxious, always second guessing" Apollo in fanworks, and approximately 400% more of whatever the hell this is.

I love you "secretly mean to everyone" Phoenix

I love you "team dad sunshine in a bottle" Phoenix

I love you pan Miles

I love you ace/demi/gray Miles

I love you gay Phoenix

I love you bi Phoenix

I love you sexually experienced Miles

I love you touch starved Miles

I love you "head over heels for Dollie and wanting to try it out officially with Iris" Phoenix

I love you "I was just trying out being with a girl when I dated Dollie and it didn't work out" Phoenix

I love you "I'm still experiencing trauma from my childhood and my father's death twenty years later" Miles

I love you "the past is the past and I've got therapy and I'm happy" Miles

I love you "Dollie severely traumatized me" Phoenix

I love you "Dollie was just a bad ex and I'm fine" Phoenix

I love you "we've been dating since the first game" Wrightworth

I love you "it's post-Spirts of Justice and we still haven't got together" Wrightworth

I love you "I sent letters to Miles from the moment he left for Germany" Phoenix

I love you "I had no idea where Miles was and couldn't send him letters while he was in Germany" Phoenix

I love you "actually living with von Karma wasn't so bad he mostly took good care of me" Miles

I love you "von Karma was some flavor and some degree of abusive" Miles

I love you "I knew Miles wasn't dead and I was just pissed that he left so abruptly" Phoenix

I love you "I thought that suicide note was real and I'm pissed you fooled me into thinking you were dead" Phoenix

I love you "My note was obviously just about going to find myself and I'm not sorry" Miles

I love you "My note was serious but something changed my mind" Miles

I love you "I was aware I've loved you since I was nine" Phoenix

I love you "I just am now figuring out that maybe going to law school to save a guy I knew for half a year wasn't platonic and I'm in my thirties" Phoenix

There are so many absolutely fantastic variables to tell this story with and I love them all.

I love you, Ace Attorney fandom, for providing me with so many lovely stories with which to wile away my time, probably more than I should be wiling it away.

Mithrun's desire as an SA analogue

TW discussion of SA and detailed breakdown of aesthetics evoking SA. The way I discuss this is vivid in a way that may be triggering, though there is no discussion of actual sexual assault. Just survivor's responses to it.

People relate to Mithrun and see his condition as an analogue for a few different things, like brain injury or depression. And I think all of them are there. But I also see Mithrun's story as an SA analogue, and Ryoko Kui intentionally evokes those aesthetics. I think it's a part of Mithrun's character that a lot of people miss, but I very much consider it text. This is partially inspired by @heird99's post on what makes this scene so disturbing; so check out their post, too :)

So to start off with, the demon invades Mithrun's bed, specifically. There's even a canopy around it, which specifically evokes this idea of personal intrusion; the barrier is being pulled apart without consent or warning. The way the hand reaches towards Mithrun's body from outside of the panel division makes it almost look like the goat stroking over his body. It's an especially creepy visual detail; similarly, the goat's right hand parts into the side of the panel as well. It's literally like it's tearing the page apart; but gently. So gently.

Mithrun is in bed. It is his bed that the demon is intruding on. He's in a position of intimacy. The woman behind him is a facsimile of his "beloved" that he left behind; the woman who, in reality, chose Mithrun's brother. He is in bed with his fantasy lover, who is leaning over him. While this scene isn't explicitly sexual, it is intimate. And it is being invaded. The goat lifts Mithrun gently, who is confused, but not yet struggling.

The erotics of consumption and violence in Ryoko Kui's work(remember that the word 'erotic' can have many different meanings, please) are a... notable part of some of her illustrations. I would say she blurs the lines between all forms of desire: personal, sexual, gustatory and carnal, in her illustrations in order to emphasize the pure desire she wants to work with and evoke to serve her themes. Kui deploys sexual imagery in a lot of places in Dungeon Meshi, and this is one of them.

In this case, horrifically. The goat's assault begins with drooling, licking, and nuzzling. The goat could be enjoying and "playing with" its food. But it can also be interpreted as it "preparing" Mithrun with its tongue as it begins to literally breach Mithrun's body. The goat also invades directly through his clothing; that adds another level of disturbing to me. There's nothing Mithrun can do in this moment of violation. Mithrun is fighting, but he is fighting weakly, trying to grip on and push away when he has no ability or option to. All he can do is beg the goat to stop. And it doesn't care. This all evokes sexual assault.

The sixth panel demonstrates a somewhat sexual position, with Mithrun's thighs spread around the goat's hunched over body. In the next, the goat pulls and holds apart Mithrun's thighs as he nuzzles into him. The way the clothing bunches up looks a bit as if it has been pushed up. It has pinned Mithrun down onto the bed, into Mithrun's soft furs and pillows. It takes a place made to be supernaturally warm and comfortable, and violates it. It's utterly and intimately horrifying. To me, this sequence of positions directly evokes a rape scene. I think Kui did this very explicitly. These references to sexual invasion are part of what makes this scene so disturbing; albeit, to many viewers, subconsciously.

This is also the moment the goat takes Mithrun's eye. Other than this, the goat seems exceptionally strong, but also... gentle. It holds Mithrun's body tightly, but moves it around slowly. It doesn't need to hurt Mithrun physically. But in that moment, it takes Mithrun's eye. Blood seeps from a wound while an orifice that should not be pierced is penetrated. This moment, the ooze of blood in one place specifically, also evokes rape. That single bit of physical gore is a very powerful bit of imagery to me.

Finally; it is Mithrun's desire that is eaten. After his assault, Mithrun can find no pleasure in things that he once did. He is fully disassociated from his emotions. This is a common response to trauma, especially in the case of SA. It's not uncommon for people to never, or take a long time to, enjoy sex in the same way again; or at all. They might feel like their rapist has robbed them of a desire and pleasure they once had. I think this makes Mithrun's lack of desire a partial analogue for the trauma of sexual assault.

Mithrun's desire for revenge was, supposedly, all that remained. Anger at his assaulter, anger at every being that was like it; though, perhaps not anger. Devotion, in a way. To his cause. I don't know. But the immediate desire to seek revenge is another response to SA. But on to Mithrun's true feelings on the matter.

This is... So incredibly tragic. Mithrun feels used up. Like his best parts have been taken away. Like he's being... tossed aside. This certainly parallels the way assault victims can feel after being left by an abuser. Or the way assault victims feel they might be "ruined" forever for other partners. These are common sentiments for survivors to carry, and need to overcome. In the text, it's almost like Mithrun feels the only being who can desire him is a demon who might "finish devouring" him. That that's his only use. It's worth noting that Mithrun trusted the demon. Mithrun's world was built by the demon, and Mithrun, in that way, was cared for by the demon. I think this reinforces Mithrun's place as a victim.

There's also something to be said about Mithrun as a victim of his own possessive romantic and sexual desire. The mirror shows him his beloved just dining with his brother, and it infuriates him. He doesn't know if the vision is real, nor if she has really chosen his brother as a romantic partner. The goat then creates a whole fantasy world where she loves him. As Mithrun's dungeon deteriorates, she is the only person that continues to exist. Mithrun continues to have control over her. And that is the strongest desire the demon is eating, isn't it? There's something interesting there, but I don't know what to say about it.

In conclusion, I think Mithrun's story is an explicit analogue for sexual assault-- though, certainly, among other things! The way the scene plays out and is composed explicitly references sexual violation and invasion of the body. His condition mirrors common trauma responses to sexual violence. And, at the end, he finally realizes he can recover.

Let's end on a happy Mithrun, after taking the first step on his journey to recovery :) You aren't vegetable scraps Mithrun. But even if you were-- every single thing in this world has value. Even vegetable scraps.

Man I wish I had motivation to work on my fanfics but I’m so Olympics-pilled. Sorry I can’t write I need to watch obscure sports every free second

Maybe someday when I got the brain juice for it I’ll write an Olympics AU in which Adrien moved to England to live with his aunt and cousin after his mom’s ‘disappearance’ (idk maybe Felix swipes the amok earlier, Gabriel is still Hawkmoth but Adrien went no-contact. I haven’t figured this out yet) but a few years later he goes to the Paris Olympics as part of the UK fencing team.

Obviously there’s an Akuma during his team’s competition and Adrien needs to be saved by Ladybug and her partner (Alya? Nino? Different random Black Cat wielder?) and SURE HE FALLS HEAD OVER HEELS FOR LADYBUG. But he’s also already started crushing on the girl who works the bakery stand in the Olympic village. You see where I’m going with this right