I Use The Finch App Because It's Cute And Helps Me Get Things Done, But My Finch Just Discovered Mondays

This is so average for most people, but for me... it's quite the difference (as you can see). I am a housewife, and I have a hard time motivating myself to do any kind of exercise, but today I walked. I walked and I enjoyed every moment listening to music in one ear and the frogs singing in the other.

The weather was perfect, and I felt so good about myself. Being outside in nature really cleared my head and I could breathe so easily with the fresh air. I feel so at peace, so calm and content. Fulfilled.

I am proud of myself for taking the first step. My hope is to do this at least 3 times a week, if not more. I would love to do it 5 times a week, but I know I need to start slow. My desire to get to a better weight and further from the diabetes that runs in my family is strong.

I want to be healthy, and I want to love my body.

I love how MH:W has been me and my girl crew saving the world. Erik included.

My meds have been adjusted, and this is day three on the new dose. I am not doing well. We don't know if my body is metabolizing them, so this is doubling the dose to see if it takes. I am dissociating and I feel stuck in a dream. I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to cry.

I was reminded that WoW is 20 years old.

I played from 2007 to 2013 then waited to return until Legion and only stayed for the single expansion. I went back with my husband for a month to play this year and it simply... wasn't for me. WoW did not feel the same and I didn't expect it to. The game, the setting, and the players have all changed over the years and I no longer find comfort in Azeroth.

But damn... does watching the old cinematics really make me feel.

Just a girl and her cat journaling.

It took me too long, but I finally finished The Last Unicorn. I had bought a deluxe edition of the novel which came with an interview and a note from Mister Beagle.

What I didn't expect was the second story that came as an epilogue.

Two Hearts was beautiful, exciting, and the ending of this shorter tale is what finally made me cry.

I felt like a child again reading this book, though I stepped away and kept myself from reading it. I felt like once I read it, the magic of nostalgia would leave. It wouldn't be special to me, anymore. But it was. It truly was.

"I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul."

-Jean Cocteau

I am starting to hate Discord.

It has so many pop ups and so many "features". Discord is over engineering itself. It's no longer a nice simple platform to chat with friends, but instead a constantly moving forum. I hate that I have to join a discord server to get information on something because that's where the information is stored instead of on a forum or just placed on the internet.

It's turning into what everyone hated Skype for. In fact, it's pretty much there.

I don't understand, but I feel like my own home makes me... depressed. I was so motivated to do things, but then I get back home and walk in the door and it's almost instant defeat. Dragging my feet to even do the simplest of things, I just want to lay in bed and sleep the day away.

It's not feeling overwhelmed by chores. I love doing housework, tbh. It keeps me busy as I'm a housewife and otherwise unemployed. I just feel... empty. Is it my schedule being overnight?

How can I help this? Home should be a place of comfort, love, and joy... but it makes me feel alone (when husband is at work), empty, and sad. Even my cats can only offer me little comfort and company.

"Autumn is my favorite season!" Everything proceeds to go wrong in Autumn.

and i give up.

i am stressed, i am anxious, i am depressed, and i am manic. i feel like since the end of October, everything has decided to just stop being good for me, personally. yes this is a first world problem, yes i'm going to whine about it because i just spent 20 minutes crying in the shower.

finances are getting tight for multiple reasons, and of course our bed breaks and then, on queue, the car needs a pricey fix that also means we cannot drive it as often or as far as we want.

i decide that i'll make my home a little better but just fixing it up! it'll benefit us and the landlord might appreciate it! i get prepped and then find out that we were told wrong and i cannot finish the work i started. great.

trying to get my outside time and enjoying the company of the neighbor's cat! chair suddenly crumbles under me and i topple off the side of the porch. ouch.

i gave up on trying to fix the keurig i was gifted last holiday because i just cannot get it to work.

my cats have terrible breath and i am really concerned about their teeth and health. they seem fine, but the bad breath is worrying.

all of my self-development work and my work toward helping my mental health just flew out the window at the start of the month because i just felt it in my gut that something bad was going to happen and everything did at once.

all i can do is cry. i feel helpless. i have no sense of control over anything. i can't do anything to fix it all. my therapist said she was proud of me, but i can't even feel proud of myself now. i'm giving up. i just don't know what to do anymore.