Sirius: Why Doesn't Remus Find Me Sexy When I Bite My Lip?

Harry: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen? 

Remus: Neither. 

Remus: Because it's twelve dumbass child

Sirius: rEMUS WE TALKED ABOUT THIS

Dorcas: Is something burning? 

Marlene, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. 

Dorcas: Marlene, the toaster is literally on fire.

A little dorlene couch cuddle for @uhhlifeig

James: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food! 

Lily: You can eat a rock. 

Sirius: Air. 

Remus: The fabric of time and space. 

Marlene: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems. 

James: You guys are not helpful.

Walburga: Everyone in our family is perfectly fine!!

Sirius, eating peanut butter out of a jar with no utensils or hands:

Bellatrix, creeping up behind Sirius with a butter knife:

Narcissa, covered in spicy mayo, spinning in circles:

Andromeda, cartwheeling into a brick wall:

Regulus, drowning in a birdbath:

Orion: … of course…

we do not make enough of the COMEDY it is that james is a fucking deer. like sirius being a dog and peter being a rat are obv tied to their characters but a deer is SO random. and i do not see it in fics enough. take the padfoot tropes and give them to prongs. students baffled because there was a deer walking around the dungeons? remus walking into the dorm and nearly shitting himself because there’s a deer sitting upright in james’ bed. whenever james is in a sticky situation he just goes deer mode and prances away

James: Lily, can I ask you a question?

Lily: You just did.

James: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Lily: You just did.

James, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Lily: You just did.

James: When?!

Lily: Just now.

Remus: *closes a cabinet* 

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door* 

Lily: What was that? 

Remus: The sound of someone else's problem.

lily and sirius being besties but so competitive for no reason. the two of them just doing the wildest things and getting caught, but lily ALWAYS talks herself out of punishments with sirius sitting there, shouting “IT WAS YOUR IDEA!”

if i could write coherent sentences it would be over for you bitches