I Need 2020 Super Saturated Colors To Make A Comeback. My Phones Photo Album Was So Alive Back Then.

It gets a little colder, and suddenly, I can see everything, I can smell everything. I can feel the wind trying to get me to come back to it. It practically screams for me to run and to keep running until I feel how I used to. I think winter grieves me. It dug a hole in the backyard that I never chose to lay down in, and now it has to watch as I try to comprehend what it knows I can't. I don't look how I'm supposed to anymore, I've changed, and it doesn't know what to do with me anymore.

Sometimes, I think a little too hard about when I asked for someone's name at a local renfaire I worked at, and they asked me teasingly if I was a fae, and for a long second, I didn't know what to say back.

I identify as a shape-shifter from how I see myself and how I interact with others. I switch between forms like crazy and can never really picture an actual concrete image of myself in my head.

A lot of this I own up to my own issues with derealization, but also a lot of my personal identity I feel stems from just how I interact with the world. It's always felt like people saw me as something different than them, and that caused this rift between me and my humanity. I can see it, I can feel it in how I want to fight for the things I believe in and in my own personal beliefs about spirituality, but it's funny. My humanity has always been a part of my more spiritual thoughts and practices then my alterhumanity which has always been just me.

I was raised in a setting where dedicating myself to the experience of honoring myself as an individual while still connecting to those around me and recognizing us as one in the same was made my religion. My humanity is present within me as a warm ideal of my hopes and dreams for this world. It still isn't my body, though, which instead became how I feel and how I show my emotion through alterhumanity.

It's like I got flipped inside out.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, I don't know what I am, renfaire lady, but some kind of creature that is fascinated by humanity and likes to be mischievous sounds like it could be a part of it. I'll think about it more next spring.

I think one of my favorite feelings is whenever the season starts to change and I can slowly feel myself being pulled more and more towards my coyote and raccoon theriotype with all of the sun and berries and greenery growing. I know I'll still feel my wolf and that it will return a lot stronger once the earth grows cold again, but for the time being there are snacks to eat and dirt to paw at and sunny patches of grass and clover to be slept in.

Me when I look at pictures of cryptic messages on old TVs, and suddenly I remember strange staticky laughter and some adrenaline inducing feeling that isn't mine but still familiar. WHO ARE YOU!??? WHO ARE YOU STRANGE TV MAN AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY HEAD!?!??!

Overactive imagination? Weird fake memory??? Idfk

Sometimes I miss sleep

Not what I do every night, not what I'll continue to do for the rest of my life. I miss sleep.

I miss the slow process of laying down, with the buzzing noise of my childhood friend's TV or the distant sound of the train.

I miss my little sister telling me she could hear Rudolph on the roof or asking me for a story.

I miss the feeling of falling into sleep, and I say falling so literally, as I can still identify that familiar drop in my stomach before I succumbed.

I can still picture that same image of myself falling, not unlike Alice, into a never-ending tunnel of quilts, slowly until I headed off to my own wonderland.

I miss waking up in a sea of warmth, a hand, or a leg thrown across me, snores ringing through the room. Light hits my face from a window coated in dust. My pajamas are the same clothes I'd worn the night prior, that I'll wear again today.

I miss my childhood friend's mother softly asking me if I'd come with her to get breakfast for everyone. I don't have to put on my shoes.

I miss the feeling of falling asleep on the way to the donut shop while Green Day sings me a lullaby. The car shakes as we hit pothole after pothole, but it's still the best I'll feel for months.

I miss the way my friends mother will lightly hold a cold bottle of orange juice to my skin, the way she'll laugh softly when I shrink away from it.

I miss her asking me if I'm awake yet.

I miss answering that it's too early.

Just an FYI. The FDA is not allowed to announce any food recalls due to the health communications pause the current administration enacted. You can still find this information by visiting USDA the site directly.

https://www.fsis.usda.gov/recalls

Here’s the fda link to use to search for recalls, safety alerts, and market withdrawals.

https://www.fda.gov/safety/recalls-market-withdrawals-safety-alerts

So, while you are making your grocery list, you may want to visit the recalls list since there’s no public communication right now.

Makes me feel very creature very good. I love you winter, gotta be in my top 5 flavors.

Anyone else get kinda euphoric when it's so cold outside that your breath shows up? Like my dragonself is very happy about it

A little late but here's a dumb meme I made for the fourth I thought yall would enjoy

Home :(

view from Acadia - roaming around the Commonwealth Far Harbor 41/?

The day I buy a car with no cd player is the day I hang my head and cry.

I think all computers should have cd slots and all phones should have headphone ports send tumble