Ci Facciamo Paranoie Su Cose Che Probabilmente Pensiamo Solo Noi

ci facciamo paranoie su cose che probabilmente pensiamo solo noi

Cute

Humans were the newest species in the Alliance. They were small, fragile, and poisonous to practically every life form. They had strange oils on their skin, in fact, most mammalians (the…family[?] of species that the Humans were) on their planet had oils too. Humans also had the weirdest motives for their research. Their research into weapons and medicine were average, but their research into technology, specifically for entertainment purposes, seemed….wasteful. As in, excessive. That wasn’t even mentioning the amount of apparently habitable land taken up by research endeavors. Humans were obsessed with their history, classifying irrelevant species into many different categories and digging up bones to recreate skeletons of the extinct ones, and endlessly searching for evidence of “advanced” extinct civilizations.

They were quickly dubbed a “research race”. The Humans would be useful for their ability to seek out knowledge, but little more. The only weapons in their arsenal worth taking were the suicide bombs they called “Nuclear Weapons” and their medicine was useless for any race but their own. They were fragile, and tiny. Their strength only activating when under extreme stress, and it was immoral for any race to force a human into that state, especially considering any attempt to use the strength gain in battle would likely backfire due to the human’s ability for “spite”. They were a must-have for any exploration crew, but otherwise belonged in labs and not on the battlefield. The only battlefield capability aside from stress induced strength, was their adaptability and durability. Any smart Humans would’ve stayed around the habitable zones in between the poles and the equator of their planet, and yet the species managed to persevere, using their clever nature to survive in a wide variety of conditions and climates that no other race managed. It wasn’t even out of necessity, they did it for a love of exploration.

The human’s curiosity, cleverness, optimism, and odd weather-specific durability made them perfect for research. And yet some still decided to help on the battlefield. The battlefield medics were acceptable, but the tiny warriors holding what may as well be toy rifles were only accepted out of exasperated fondness and because they raised morale.

The Humans, with their small builds, wide expanse of expressions, and general kind-heartedness and playful recklessness were considered the best companions for any race; however, the Humans with anger-management issues in particular were more suited as companions for the Tloq, who were sturdy enough to take hits, one of the few races not affected by the oils on the humans' skin, and playful enough to enjoy an angry human’s company, even sometimes managing to calm one to a reasonable state. Humans were essentially pets, or children, but no one mentioned it, knowing the Humans would be upset at the analogy.

Humans took a liking to the Klo'rake specifically, likening them to large “cats”. Initially, the Alliance was confused, but upon doing further research, courtesy of the Linus (a winged species with a preference for chemistry), the hexapedal and fuzzy Klo'rake’s shared a scary likeness with the extremely tiny Earth species; said species were highly amused in their own quiet manner. The fact that Klo'rake had six legs and large horns was dutifully ignored in favor of the hilariousness that was humans flocking to them because they were fuzzy.

Humans were great researchers, the best even, their mindset perfect for the line of work, but the Alliance respected the human race’s needs for variety, and their want to run their own planet, and let them choose their own professions. At least two human researchers were always on a crew, sometimes joined by a human with a different specialty, such as engineers or pilots. Biologists and archaeologists were a favorite; the Humans’ need to classify different life forms was deemed “cute”.

Then, Earth was invaded by the Olomk. A violent species known for minor skirmishes with members of the Alliance. The Alliance was enraged, and the Humans were heartbroken. Their home planet was burning, consumed by flames and smog, and it needed their assistance. Every human crewmate returned to Earth, salvaging what they could of the planet. It’s axis had been tilted, the sea level had shrunk by many meters, and they mourned the loss of several species. The Klo'rake, Linus, and Tloq quickly came to their aid, not understanding why the humans were crying over the loss of biodiversity, but knowing the heartbreak that was the loss of most of your species.

For many sols the Humans rebuilt, their population once over a hundred billion had dwindled to merely six billion. The scientists took a census of the land, engineers, architects, and construction workers rebuilt according to the new soil. Farmers replanted their crops if possible, while others had to relocate to a different area so their crops would actually grow. Many offspring were handed off to Klo'rake and Linas, orphaned or injured. Medics and doctors did their damnedest to make sure as many people lived as possible, while others did what they could to dispose of the destroyed buildings and to ensure the planet wasn’t polluted by the waste.

Eventually, the planet was up and running once more, but for once, the Humans weren’t just angry: they were furious. Never had the Alliance seen this. Sure, they’d seen angry and annoyed Humans, but this was something different. Fury, mourning, irritation, and more wrapped up in a single undefinable emotion. They were quiet, planning, no one knew what they were doing, and no one dared ask. Many Humans that lived abroad came back to help, including all of the morale soldiers and some underage teenagers, even some children as young as ten that were desperate to help. The Alliance let the Humans mourn, as it was their first invasion, and hopefully their last.

Then, one day, Tlaku, the Olomk’s planet, was under fire. Weapons and ships constructed from a mixture of Klo'rake, Linus, Tloq, Human, and even Rikl designs decimated the planet. Even as violent and weaponized as the Olomk were, they were not prepared. The Humans dropped nuclear bombs, burned ships with plasma lasers; they shot down all resistance, and the few footsoldiers that were needed swiftly crushed all the Olomk soldiers with quick fury.

It was quick, bloody, and unexpected from the race the Alliance had started to view as cute, peaceful, and curious. The Humans stopped attacking once surrender was declared, they mourned for the hatchlings they killed, helped with the clean up, and quickly departed for Earth, returning their attention to patching up the wounds still left by the Olomk Invasion. The Linus, for once scared of their lack of knowledge, took a page out of the Human’s book and started researching Human history, because clearly they didn’t know as much as they thought about their dearest researchers. Despite being out of their depth in researching history, the Linus were well accustomed to boring scientific literature, and quickly reported something terrifying.

Humans had a bloody history, filled with war, famine, disease, exploitation, and slavery. They were clearly capable of battle, good at it even. Their tactics astounded the Rikl, who were famous for their military might. The Alliance were disturbed that the beings they found adorable and cute were so capable of hurting others. They were reminded of the small scale spite that Humans displayed when slighted, and shuddered when they realized that the humans could have destroyed them if they really felt like it.

But when the Human representative entered, flustered at her tardiness, they were reminded of why they had gotten that initial harmless impression. Tiny, fragile, and adorably curious, Humans were great at hiding their dangerous nature.

Ci Facciamo Paranoie Su Cose Che Probabilmente Pensiamo Solo Noi

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