Me N Who (I Can Be Both)

NOTES CHALLANGE BUT AS A BABY KOGAL/ROKKU GAL AND FORMER LIFESTYLE JIRAI

TW: MENTIONS OF SH AND M@STURBATION

100 Notes - I'll throw away my blades (i dont sh anymore)

500 Notes - I'll practice the eye makeup some more

1000 Notes - I'll try to fix my M@sturbating addiction

2000 Notes - I'll get more clothes

2500 Notes - i'll get my nails done

3000 Notes - I'll loose some weight, atleast 20 kg max

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Pink = complete

Orange = In progress

Black = Not done

About to reinstall discord!!

To check if i missed any important messages!1!!

To check if my favorite person messaged me!!!

To only see an empty inbox

To 0 messages

To an empty dm list.

Another reminder that I have no one to talk to.

Vent art

headphones aren't enough. i need the song to stab me in the chest

Me when i feel like i am going to die.

Goes to the fucking doctor.

*Symptoms magically disappear.*

Well great guess I was just overreacting.

*Leaves doctor*

*Symptoms back in full force.*

I swear the bitch ass Symptoms know that they're about to be caught.

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

footage of me checking Tumblr and every messaging app knowing damn well that no one wants to talk to me

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

For many years of longing, I craved attention from my favorite people. To be loved, to be looked at, to be the only thing in their mind.

I would obsess over them day and night. Where my life was bleak and boring without any interaction with them. I'd get depressed and hopeless without their attention, imagining hurtful scenarios of them leaving, and remembering that these feelings of mine will forever be within me. They will never know. I will not let them know. No matter how much I like them this feeling.

At the same time, I hate it with a passion. I do not like feeling like I have no control. So I do what's best. I ghost everything just because of one person. I leave. But I always come back pathetically yearning for their attention again. Because I can't stand being alone.

You know what's funny though? I met someone... who for the first time reciprocated my feelings without me having to say anything.

I was scared. I was so scared.

I've always been an obsessive person to those I liked. So why... did I hate it the moment they liked me back?

Did i even like them? If not, then does that mean i didn't actually like the previous people before?

Did i simply make up an image of them?

Or is it that I just don't like him? And maybe that's why I didn't like his confession.

I feel gross. I hate that I rejected him and I went back to using him as fuel for my sick fantasies. I hate that I still want his attention.

I hate looking at blogs that have romantic shit that says cheesy things like "what I crave for him to do."

I hate it

I no longer look at men with such rose-tinted glasses anymore. I feel empty. I feel repulsed.

I feel nothing at all.