Me But With Zach

I have to get up in like 5 hours. I will not survive tomorrow

This man

A Quarter to Something

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Masterlist

Pairing: Zach Hadel x gn!Reader

Warnings: Depression; Burnout; Mentions of Alcohol; Drug use (weed); Angst with happy ending

A/N: Song fic spotted! I guess you could count this as a vent fic? It's a little all over the place but I still hope you enjoy! (Translated lyrics are at the bottom ^^)

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

It was okay that no one noticed that you weren’t doing alright. 

At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.

You didn’t want to bother them, where were you even supposed to start? Most of the stress that had befallen you was due to your own procrastination anyway. If you were just a little more ambitious- no. 

You WERE ambitious. 

The problem wasn’t a lack of motivation for the matter. But then again, you couldn’t figure out what the actual issue was. 

“Alright, I’m tired as fuck. Think I’m gonna head home.” 

Chris’ voice snapped you out of your spiraling thoughts. A quick glance at the monitor nearest to you told you that they stopped recording. 

You weren’t an active part of any of the episodes. More so taking the role of a regular viewer that just happened to also be in the room and occasionally joining in on the conversations. 

No one forced you to be a part of the channel but you liked just spending time with your friends in this way. Especially if, like today, Tomar, Chris and Zach were playing a horror game. The tension in the room and the nervous jokes or Chris’ attempts at spooking Zach were able to take your mind for a little vacation. Away from all the deadlines and responsibilities. They seemed to melt away in the dark of the room and the soft couch. 

For the most part at least. 

“Sure, me too, I think. (Y/n), you need a ride?” Tomar stretched after standing up. The session today had been going on for like 8 hours. So naturally his back made a sound which caused everyone to collectively ask if he was alright. 

“Uh, no I think I’m gonna stay a little longer. Don’t really wanna go home into my cold room.” 

This year’s winter had been surprisingly tough and of course right when you needed it the most, your heater malfunctioned. The worst part is that your landlord was on vacation and like landlords often are, he didn’t want you to call a professional and would rather look at the issue himself. “That’d just be additional costs that aren’t necessary.”. With an eye roll and a shiver you had turned off your phone after he sent you that message. 

So that is why you spent the majority of your time at the office. That and the fact that you didn’t feel like being alone. 

“Alright then.” 

And with that, Chris and Tomar said their goodbyes.

Left were you and Zach. A comfortable silence filled the room as he turned off the game consoles and put everything away as neatly as possible. Meanwhile you stayed on the couch, watching him intently. As if him tidying up was anything special. 

“You know, I could take a look at your heater.” 

“Huh?” 

His back was turned to you as he made his offer. You could only make out his silhouette in the dim moonlight that now flooded the room after Zach opened the curtains and opened the windows for a bit. The air in here was probably horrible now that you thought about it. 

“Your heater. I mean, I’m no electrician or whatever the fuck you call the guys that fix heaters but the internet is free so…” 

You laughed a little at his ramblings.

“As much as I’d appreciate it, you’d have to look at the whole unit. It’s not just mine that’s broken.” 

“Oh” 

Again, silence. Although now it was a little more awkward since Zach had already put everything away. Leaving him to awkwardly stand in the room, looking straight at you. Who was awkwardly sitting on the couch. 

He looked kind of pretty like this. 

“Uh, you wanna like, smoke something?” 

“Gods, yes.” 

And with that you both left the recording room and opted for the shared kitchen and living room. 

You sat down again on one of the black bar stools, waiting for Zach to get his bearings. It had been a long time since you two smoked together. Not just a long time ago.. Almost half a year. 

The realization hit you like a truck. Has it really been that long? 

“Alright, you want me to roll one for you?” You just nodded. He stood across from you now, getting busy with the joints while you still pondered over what else you had neglected. This whole train of thought seemed surreal although not extraordinary. Most days did feel like a blur after some time. 

“Here you go.” He handed the joint to you and you absentmindedly took it from him and put it between your lips. 

Your head felt empty as you watched him take the lighter that was on the counter and bring it up to you. 

His gaze was unwavering as he lit up the joint, you stared right back at him. A strange melancholy washing over you. 

Why did you suddenly have to feel this way? Nothing really changed. Sure, university did get harder sometimes but that wasn’t anything new. Why did you suddenly buckle under familiar pressure?

A shiver ran through your body. Even though the heater in the office worked, it was still cold. The snow outside becoming a visual representation of that very feeling. 

Suddenly, Zach sighed, pulling you back to reality. 

“What the fuck is going on (y/n)?” He sounded angry. Why did he sound angry? Did you do something? 

Of course he was angry. You hadn’t spent time like this together for half a year and now you’re pretending like nothing is wrong. He probably felt like you were just avoiding him. 

Tears started to form in your eyes. Why did you always have to mess everything up? Even your friendships you couldn’t properly care for. It wasn’t enough that you were on the verge of missing a dozen deadlines, you also had to push away everyone around you that supported you. 

“Hey? Fuck I didn’t mean to- what’s going on?” 

His hand was now gripping your arm that was laying on the counter, softly caressing the skin with his thumb while his other hand still held the joint. 

You didn’t even notice that you started crying. Frantically you tried to wipe away the tears that were running down your face with the side of your hand that was free. 

“You can talk to me, you know? I’m sorry I sounded like a douche just now.” 

His thumb never stopped gently going back and forth on your arm. He patiently looked at you and waited for your sobs to quiet down. Waiting for you to be able to speak. 

“I’m sorry..” 

It was barely audible but it was enough for another wave of sobs to start. 

“Shh, shh it’s fine I’m- uhm, just, try to breathe.” 

You felt horrible for doing this to him. Overwhelming him and dumping this breakdown onto him while he probably just wanted to have a chill session with the two of you. Why couldn’t you just leave things as they are? 

“I just- I hate that I feel so empty.” You said, taking a shaky breath. Your eyes were averting his. 

Zach’s hand left your arm and that is when you finally looked up again. He walked around the counter to sit beside you, his body turned to you and his hand finding your again. Touching it lightly, asking you to keep going. 

“All this university stuff-” you gulped down another sob. “And I haven’t been handing in work for so long, I think I’m failing so hard right now.” 

You took an unsure hit from your still burning joint, hoping it would ease the feelings if only for a little bit. 

Zach nodded carefully. “Can I help you with anything? I’m no scholar but maybe if you-”

“No, it’s not that I have difficulties understanding or doing any of the work, it's just that I- I can’t.” You cut him off. Maybe it was rude but you didn’t want him to waste any energy in trying to help you when he couldn’t.

“And I have so many messages from professors and whatnot that are asking me why I haven’t handed something in or why I am so late with everything but I can’t even answer them.”

Zach nodded again, his brows furrowed in an expression of deep concern. 

“And the worst part is, I can’t even bring myself to care.” You finished, tears forming once again. 

You had no idea if it was burnout or just seasonal depression or both at the same time but it was bad. You felt so empty inside for such a long time that you didn’t even realize how bad you were hurting. 

The sudden breakdown in front of one of your friends was the thing that now made you realize how bad you actually were. 

For the first time in half a year, you felt something. Even if it was hurt, you were thankful. 

“I’m sorry.. I can’t do much to help you then.. If it makes you feel any better though, I noticed.” 

You looked up at him and his eyes were meeting yours in a way which was almost too much to bear. “Don’t think I didn't care or just chose to ignore you. I see how you come in here. How every interaction just feels like I’m talking to a shell or a husk or whatever. I just- I didn’t know if you wanted to speak about it at all.” 

Now it was his turn to look away. 

“You know, I think you’ve just been trying too much. You always try to put like 200% into anything when even 50% would be more than enough.” 

It wasn’t funny but it made you chuckle and you could see the little smile which tugged at the corners of his mouth once he heard you. 

“I’m sorry I came onto you this strongly before. I just missed you.” 

His eyes met yours again and in that moment something clicked. 

“Zach?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I do something?” 

He nodded with a confused expression. 

You slowly leant forward until your lips met his cheek, giving him a small kiss. It was an innocent gesture. The fact that he sat here with you and listened was enough. That is what you had needed for so long and even if it wouldn’t magically solve all of your problems, the fact that there was someone like him that you could turn to, made everything much more bearable. 

You noticed the blush that crept onto his face, but you only smiled. 

After a second of silence he spoke up. 

“Fucking- gay ass interaction.” He huffed, causing both of you to giggle. 

You sat there for a little longer, the conversation shifting from one topic to another as you finished the first joints. 

Throughout the evening you found yourself actually laughing. And not a forced or pitiful one but actually having the urge to laugh out loud. 

You were glad that the high resulted in a giggly one and not circling back around to a melancholy horror trip. 

“Fuck dude that’s- no that’s actually so horrible.” You were trying to catch your breath, your body bending over as you were laughing. 

“Well- I wasn’t popular I guess, drinking alone wasn’t so bad though.” 

Your hand found its way to Zach’s leg, trying to stabilize yourself while also trying to show empathy after the heartbreaking story of his 16th birthday. 

“If I had known you back then I would have come!” 

“No! Now that would have been sad, imagine inviting like seven people and only one shows up, that's even worse than no one being there.” He was also giggling at the thought. 

“Thank you though, I would have shared my bottle that I wasn’t legally allowed to drink.” 

“What a gentleman.” You feigned, raising your brows at him. 

Zach then stood up, preparing to roll two new joints for the two of you. 

As he stood there, you couldn’t help but stare at him. 

The shirt that he was wearing was unbuttoned at the top, showing way too much of his chest for your gaze to be an innocent one. You rested your chin on your hand as you continued watching him. 

“What?” His fingers were still busy rolling as he questioned you. The slight smile on his face as he spoke looked way too good on him.

“Hm?” Your eyes shot up from his collarbones up to his face, a smug expression now adorning it. 

“See something you like?.” He grinned at you.

Fucker. 

You snatched the second joint from his hands, earning an amused ‘hey’ from Zach. Quickly lighting that one as well, you tried to block out all of the images that suddenly flooded your head. What a weird thing to think about a friend. 

“I know it’s freezing like a bitch out there but do you wanna go outside?”

He almost sounded like a child when he asked that. And who were you to deny him that excitement? 

Both of you quickly put on your winter clothes. The emphasis was on ‘tried’ because the both of you were not smart enough to make the process easier by simply putting aside the joints. 

As the both of you stepped out on the snowy balcony, you were immediately met with a biting cold. Climate change didn’t come to play it seems. 

“Holy shit- when did we go back to my place?” You joked, rubbing your hands together in an attempt to create some minimal warmth. 

“I wish you were joking but I genuinely believe you.” Zach laughed but was immediately distracted by the condensation when he spoke. 

You stepped over to the edge, arms resting on the railing and looking out into the street. The snow looked really soft in the dim light. 

Zach came up right beside you, out of you peripheral vision you saw his face turning to you and him taking another hit from his joint. You didn’t pay any mind to it until you felt him blowing the smoke right back at your face. 

“Eh! Fuck you man.” You laughed and returned the gesture, causing his head to jerk back and giggling at you. 

You had definitely missed this. Although the atmosphere was different now that it was winter. Usually in summer, Zach and you would sit on the balcony for hours, Adam joining in 99% of the time. Now though, with the silence brought by the dead of night and the noise dampening snow it felt a lot more.. intimate. 

“Thank you for opening up to me by the way. It means a lot.” 

You nodded, a quiet ‘thank you for listening’ leaving your shivering lips. 

Again, you saw Zach’s head turning to you. 

“I swear to god, if you blow more smoke into my face I will throw an entire snowball into yours.” You giggled, your gaze still lingering on the snow-covered streets beneath you. 

“I didn’t wanna do that.” “Yeah right.” 

You could see his smile.

You couldn’t help but blush. 

“You’re cold.” He stated, his deadpan delivery causing you to chuckle. 

“No shit, sherlock. Got any more wise words of wisdom?” Now you turned to him, a challenging look on your face. 

“Hold your horses there buddy, just wanted to ask if you wanted to come closer.” 

He removed the hand which wasn’t holding his joint from his jacket’s pocket, slightly lifting his arm- inviting you. 

And there it was again, that dumb smug grin that made you instinctively look away in embarrassment. 

“C’mon, I know you’re freezing to death right now.” 

Fucker.

You sighed internally. You knew that you didn’t have to. You could just ask to go back inside but the choice didn’t really matter. Cause you didn’t want to have the choice.

Without a word you stepped closer to him. Probably the closest that you ever were to him now that you thought about it. 

His arms rested on your shoulder and pulled you closer into him. Hopefully he couldn’t hear your heart because you felt like it was gonna jump right out and strangle him in a fit of emotional overload. 

It got quiet again and you felt warmer. His smell was intoxicating and as you took the last hit off of your joint you let out a sigh to which Zach looked down at you. 

“I like you.” 

You forced yourself to look up at him. You swore that you felt him trying to pull you even closer to him when your eyes met. 

Maybe it would be okay. Maybe if he stayed with you it would get better. 

“I like you too.” 

He smiled down at you. No matter how long it would take for you to feel better he’d be there and he’d listen. 

You didn’t kiss that night.

Because all that mattered was that you and him stood there, losing yourself in the moment.

 For once willingly losing the concept of time as the clock struck a quarter to something. 

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

(Translated by me so it's rough)

It’s a marvel

How the birds

Sit there on the power line

It surely is a miracle

But somehow 

It doesn’t really matter

It’s scandalous

That they’re tearing down the house right here

It surely is a disgrace

But what was here to begin with anyway?

A city demonstrates

But I don’t care

Everything passes by me

I am the epitome of boredom

The only thing I know

Is that I can’t stand myself when I’m alone

A warm breeze blows

It gently lies down on your forehead

A warm breeze blows

Blows through your window at night

And somehow

I wish that I could be that

But it’s all over

I am the epitome of boredom

The only thing I know

Is that I can’t stand myself when I’m alone

When I was at your place 

For the very first time

We laid there on the carpet

It was a quarter to something

I can’t remember how it happened

But from then on, nothing else mattered

And now it’s all over

I am the epitome of boredom

A glance at your eyes is all it takes

And I can’t stand myself when I’m alone

I just got a message saying I should get back to them as soon as possible because I am way over the deadline with one of my works

I love ignoring responsibilities 😎

jk I will get back to them please I am trying

A Heartstruck Collision - CH2

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Masterlist

Pairing: Zach Hadel x f!Reader

Warnings: Alcohol consumption and a weird hypothetical

A/N: Zach is mentioned for the first time let's goooo

Tags: If you wanna get tagged for the next chapters, just let me know!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

“Ughh, that is disgusting dude..” Ross closed his eyes, trying to shield his mind's eye from what Chris had just said. 

“Hey don’t shoot the messenger, I’m only re-telling what Zach asked me!” Chris said with a fit of giggles accompanying it. 

“Yeah but that’s like- No dude, I wouldn’t!” Another giggle from Chris who now looked over at you:

“Alright, (y/n) what do you think?” You really tried to ponder over the hypothetical but the alcohol in your bloodstream was telling you that ‘yes, and’ couldn’t be the answer to everything. “No, I wouldn’t!” 

The hypothetical stated that if you were alone in the world and the only other person was a relative, whether or not you’d sleep with them to save the human race. Nope, there was truly no comeback to counter this one.

“I’m still not convinced that Zach isn’t a social experiment.” Ross said, rubbing his eyes. You didn’t know who the guy was but apparently he had more of these theoretical situations which he regularly posed as questions to his friends. 

At this point, the bar was practically empty. Hayley and Raphael had left about an hour ago and if you were honest, you were growing quite tired as well. 

“By the way, what was that about Game Gyaru? Like where is it gonna be streaming?” 

Chris asked, clearly suppressing a yawn himself. 

Ross, Jackson and you looked at each other, Jackson just shrugged and returned the focus to his drink. “Well I guess for now the plan was to have the Pilot air on youtube and then i dunno, I think Arin said something about having talked with Netflix?” Ross frowned, not entirely sure if he was right about the thing. 

You nodded along, that was about what was written in the mails that went around.  

“Ugh but Netflix sucks with this kinda stuff. You won't even get any profit off of those media vampires.” Chris stated, the alcohol definitely turned him more confrontational. 

“Well what do you propose we should do then?” You asked.

“I mean, adult swim is like pretty fucking good with their creators. My friends also have a series on there and they never complained about anything.” 

Ross suddenly appeared to be in thought, Jackson had also perked up again. 

“Welp, anyway I think I'm gonna head home, tired as hell.” Chris stood up, you copied. Going home was definitely in order now. 

“We should talk to Arin about reaching out to Adult Swim, might be a good idea.” 

You agreed absentmindedly but that was a thought for tomorrow. 

Chris and you walked outside, the air hitting your lungs in a weird way. 

“Aw fuck..” you whispered. 

“Huh?” 

You truly were smart sometimes. Drinking alcohol when you still had to drive home. It was a short drive, yes, but still a bad idea. 

“I just realized I still gotta drive home, guess walking for 30 minutes is gonna sober me up nicely.” you let out a laugh realizing that getting angry about the situation wouldn't solve it regardless.  

“Oh shit, yeah you're right.” 

Chris probably wanted to go home but with your confession, he probably felt bad or that it would be awkward if he left now. Instead he put a hand on your shoulder, lightly tapping it with an apologetic smile. 

“I know we don't know each other but I could walk you home? Just for safety and all that. Or maybe Ross and Jack-” 

"Chriiis!" 

A car pulled up and stopped right in front of the bar. There was no traffic going on so there was no urgency to find a parking spot. 

“Lyle you son of a bitch- you're like what-” Chris looked at his phone. 

“1 ½ hours late! You stood me up man..” 

“Oh shit really?” The guy inside the car seemingly looked at the time and then started laughing. 

“Holy fuck I’m sorry!” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. Talk about time management. 

“You could drive us home though, that's (y/n) by the way. We've both got alcohol in our system so we need a ride.” 

Part of you wanted to protest, you didn't want to be a bother on your first day of meeting all of these people. The rational part of your brain decided against it though, Chris surely wouldn't have made the offer if he thought it would be a burden. And Lyle also seemed like a sweet guy. 

Without wasting much time, the both of you got into his black car. 

Quickly you gave Lyle your address to which he thankfully replied with a: “No problemo.”

The smile was apparent in his tone of voice. 

The car ride went by in a comfortable silence, Chris here and there talked about who you were and about the Game Gyaru Series, saying he'll talk to Zach about it, the guy who was still faceless in your head. You wondered if you'd ever get to fill in that gap.

***

You waved them goodbye as you got out of the car, having thanked Lyle about a hundred times already to which he simply replied with a genuine smile. 

Waddling over to the apartment complex, you realized that they drove off only when you had actually entered the place, ‘how nice’ you thought as you walked up the stairs. 

When you entered your apartment, the first thing you did was throw your shoes to the side and drop down on the couch. Although you had been tired and ready to sleep for the entire duration of the drive, now you felt more awake than ever. You groaned, thinking about how you had to walk to work tomorrow and quickly grabbed the remote, trying not to dwell on it for too long. 

“What did he say the show was called?” You mumbled to yourself, clicking through the shows presented on your smart tv. Did Chris even say what it was called? That guy, Zach, made the show, that was all you knew. No last name and no face. Exhausted, you turned the tv off again and slumped over to your desk. 

It was one of those weird states of mind where your body was tired and ready to collapse and yet your mind had that last little ounce of ‘can't sleep’ which could keep you up for who knows how long. 

Perhaps doodling a little might help tiring your mind? Pinterest was opened multiple times and closed just as many times. Nothing you were in the mood for was showing up on your front page and you didn't have any ideas on what to search up for inspiration. 

Maybe draw the evening? 

And that is what you did. You tried your best to draw a little sketch of Ross, Jackson, Chris and you in the booth. Jackson's head was resting on the table, at that point he had been very out of it. Meanwhile Ross and you were arguing with Chris about the strange hypothetical. A little speech bubble coming from Chris, a man whose face was replaced by a question mark was in it. 

Maybe it hadn't been your best drawing but it definitely was a fun addition to your sketchbook. 

Finally feeling tired enough, you slumped over to your bed, practically falling into it after setting your alarm for an hour earlier.

Thankmas is such a wild time 😂

Actual footage of me when my best friend interacts with my stuff on Tumblr @moosemink

OMG I FORGOR TO UPLOAD CH3

edit: I'll upload it later today, gotta do it on my pc cause tumblr on the phone sucks :))

A Heartstruck Collision - Chapter Index

Masterlist

{♡ = smut}

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

CH1

CH2

CH3

CH4

CH5

CH6

bleh