Latest Posts by bitchystxrk3000 - Page 2

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

MJ: Thanks fam!

Harley: Oh no.

Peter: *cries* I love you too.

Ned: Sounds fake, but okay.

Y/N: *A flustered mess*

Shuri: Can I get a refund?

Peter: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Y/N: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

MJ: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Ned: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Bucky: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Sam: Not if they consent to it.

Y/N: Depends on who your stabbing.

Steve: YES??!!?

*The squad over at Steve’s house*

Thor: Ohhh, we each get our own oven?

Steve: …N-No…

Steve, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Thor, motioning to the kitchen: Three, I thought!

Bruce: I see a—

Steve, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Thor: Oh, well I—

Steve: Hey wait, wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Steve, amazed: It’s got a bake setting!

Clint: Ohoho, you learn something new everyday!

Tony: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Steve: Now I’ve just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don’t need to roshambo nothin!

Steve: I am someone who owns four ovens…

Steve, louder and way too happy: I am someone… who owns FOUR OVENS…

Steve: I didn’t know I was so rich with ovens…

Natasha, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Steve:

Thor: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Steve:

Steve, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Stark!Reader: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it…

Tony: Just rip the bandage off.

Stark!Reader: It's Loki.

Tony: Put the bandage back on.

Y/N: What’s something you’re better than Bucky at?

Sam, without hesitation: Everything.

Peter, after a brief moment of thinking: Mario Kart.

Steve, sadly: Emotional Vulnerability

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Store Worker: Would Miss Y/N L/N come to the front desk?

Y/N, arriving at the front desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: *points to Sam and Bucky*

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Sam and Bucky, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Y/N: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

Y/N: JAMES!!!

Bucky: First name, could be fine.

Y/N: BUCHANAN!!!

Steve: Middle name, not looking so good!

Y/N: BARNES!!!

Steve: You’re in trouble.

Y/N: YOU TOO, STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!!

Bucky: *smirks*

Steve: …Shit…

Y/N, to Sam: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Sam, motioning to himself and Bucky: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Peter, randomly: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

Y/N: *gasps* OH MY GOD SAME!

The Avengers, watching with concern for their youngest members:

Peter: DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS!?

Y/N: I THINK WE DID! QUICK WHO, ON THE TEAM, IS THE HOTTEST MAN THAT YOU WOULD, WITHOUT A DOUBT, LET RAIL YOU!? ON THE THE COUNT OF THREE!

Peter: One…

Y/N: Two…

Peter: THREE!

Peter and Y/N, in unison: LOKI!!!

The Avengers, gasping in shock and muttering: what the fuck!?

Loki sitting there, confused as to what the word ‘rail’ meant, but still with a smug and cocky af grin:

Peter: Do you want to go up to my room and blast ‘I’m a Gummy Bear’ just to annoy the hell out of the tower!?

Y/N, scoffing playfully: Who doesn’t!?

The Avengers, sitting around the room, watching their two youngest members run off, still in shock as well as concern:

The Avengers having realized what you guys were about to do, groaning in sync:

Loki, sitting there, thinking: What does this ‘rail’ mean?

Tony, facepalming: I don’t think we should tell you…

Loki:

Loki, arubtly standing from his place on an arm chair: Very well. I shall go use this ‘Internet’ the two younglings have taught me to use.

The Avengers sitting in comfortable silence for a moment before realizing what Loki was going to do, and shouting: LOKI! NO!!!

Bucky, after a nightmare about his time at HYDRA: How are you still holding yourself together?

Y/N: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Peter: …Mood…

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Peter: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

I relate to this on a whole new level…

Natasha: All of your existences are confusing.

The Team: How so?

Natasha: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.