Being Called Out For Every Little Thing You Do Is Quite Exhausting

hi y’all, I kinda disappeared for a few days, a lot has been going in in my life at the moment. Good and bad and stressful things. life.

i got into art college (I still can’t believe that)

I have a shit ton of tests I can barely breath

(and I have a Japanese oral on the 7th and I can hardly introduce myself let alone talk about my future plans....(stress levels 📈📈📈📈)

ive been living with out internet for the past few days as well coz internet is a distractions and I NEED to do well (and I just can’t help wandering and chilling on the internet when I know I have to study biology...ew)

I feel like I aged... 30 years ??

I haven’t slept good in quite some time I can’t even remember what sleep feels like...

my eating habits are absolute shit

and i think that’s enough venting for today

I’ll be back soon (not sure if anyone will care but yeah)

I don't know why.... but this painting always makes me feel the feels

Waterhouse, Lamia, 1905

The days just blend into each other like a watercolour painting...

the goldfinch, donna tartt // illustration by instachaaz (ig) // selected poems by frank o’hara // the witcher, netfilx // suffocation, crystal castles c. 2010 // the diaries of franz kafka // diary, virginia woolf

I’m not old.

I’m 19 years old.

But I feel old. I feel really old, like I’ve lived “life”.

Just not to it’s full potential

Maybe... I don’t know

But I feel old

I missed out on so much things that I’ve wanted to do

But life seemed to have stopped for me when I was 14

Life stopped and started hitting rewind every single day

Rewind

Rewind

Rewind

I’m so tired

Next October I’m going to be 20

Then 30

40

50

60

70?

How long will I life for?

Life’s so short

Fragile

Slips right through your fingers

Gone just like that

I

Will I age? Will I become old?

Because it almost feels like I’m already old. I have so much I want to do.

So much to look forward to

So much places to see, so much people to meet.

So much plans to carry out.

But it also feels like there’s nothing there for me. Nothing waiting for me.

Is it because I feel old...

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I don’t know.

I wish I could talk and talk and talk to someone and they’d look at me and tell me

Tell me why? How? When? What? Who?

Why why why why?

Tell me it’s ok...maybe

Because I don’t know.

-a

Yes.

This good life will be mine

over the garden wall is a perfect cartoon. it’s short enough to watch in just over an hour on halloween night, perfect for getting your spooky on, you will literally be thinking about it for the rest of your life

Ireland

The Banshees of Inisherin (Martin McDonagh, 2022)  

Spoilers! I flipping love this show

Downton Abbey is wild because the stakes are always either SUPER low or crazy high. It’s like, one episode is, “Who will win the gardening contest at the fair? Is the countess cheating?” And another episode is, “The eldest daughter’s fiancé died in the Titanic, then she hooked up with a Turkish diplomat, her first ever sexual experience, and he DIED IN HER BED DURING THE CONJUGAL ACT, and now she has to move his corpse back to his bed without being of suspected of murder, BECAUSE IT COULD START A WAR, and also if people find out she’s ‘damaged goods’ and she can’t find an advantageous match, her family will LOSE THEIR ANCESTRAL HOME!” Then the show’s like, “A maid wants to become a secretary! Will she beat the odds?”

My life is falling apart

Again