I Don't Express Love In The Right Way

When I saw you standing there holding that doll in hand, innocence in eyes. It felt like I knew you from before, I felt you were a part of me. I couldn't sit there anymore. You're eyes were pulling me towards you. I didn't even know how I stood up and walked to you but I find me next to you the next moment.

I asked you if you'd come home with me and you just held my hand in a jiffy as if you were waiting for me to ask that.

The next thing I know I've filled out the form, told them that it's you who is gonna be mine. And you're home with me.

Now that's love at first sight for me. To the last word.

Half hidden, half in the light. My tangled legs wanna leave all this behind and run.

Run towards the light. Towards the peace towards serenity.

But my legs are struck,

they're bound to stay,

no one has locked me in,

but my legs are pulled back

and they are asked to stay.

They are told to finish what I'm doing.

Half in the darkness and half in light, my legs want to run towards the ocean.

Hot summer days are the worst time to go on a drive, but I still decided to go on one. I thought maybe the AC in my car and the sunny sky would be a better change in comparison to my cramped room with humidity hitting the roof.

It was one of those days where I was eagerly waiting for the summer rains to drench the soil and let out a cool breeze.

As I keep driving, without a destination, nor a map to guide me through, taking turns as my brain tells me to and my heart wants me to.

I stop at an empty road, waiting for the 30 seconds on the signal to pass so I could head to the place I didn't know of.

That's when it came, the thunder, the lightening, the wind the breeze the dark afternoon and the darker clouds.

The radio tells me it's some cyclone, my heart tells me it's the first of summer rains.

I pause, I don't move an inch. The clouds starts pouring, the heavy water droplets on my car roof hits my ears, I scroll the window pane, and let the rain drops fall in.

My face now wet, my head filled with a hundred thoughts, I make a U-turn and head home.

I play loud music to shun the voices in my head. I stop at a tea shop, ask for a strong filter coffee and lit a cigarette, the radio yet again tells me of casualities due to the cyclone and my head tells me it's just the summer rains.

Image from @a-small-startup

I see this building everyday

Standing tall and bold

And every time I pass it,

I feel it has something to tell me

I wish it had emotions

Because people around me do not

Even if they have they don’t show anymore just to me but to anybody

Emoticons today express emotions better than faces

And buildings speak more than people

Maybe I’m paranoid

Seeking emotions in objects

But trust me

People don’t show emotions anymore

The faces look pale and eyes moist

The mouth opens to speak

But lips close and a vague smile pops

It’s difficult to know

You seem fine but you’re not

You seem stable but you’re not

It’s hard to understand

Because you don’t speak

Nor do you smile

All I see is a vague smile that’s hiding

All the emotions I want to know

I wish you burst out

Because the building I see shows more emotions than you do

I connect to it more that I do to you

That girl I know

The solicited aspects of life turns on

Accepted mores of life goes on

But still there persists one constant thing

That isn't ready to go with change...

Change itself.

There are aspects she claims about herself

There are aspects she says she's not

But like everybody says

At the end of the day all she wants are eyes pleased

And people happy.

I haven't known her well

Even after knowing her for the past 21 or so years

She seems to be a confident, clear and sorted person

And the next fraction I see this trash of a person

She messes up everything just by over thinking

Everytime I tell her to shut up at unnecessary conversations.

Still she spills the words and poof! Goes everything

There are people who know the playful side of hers

And yet there are others who know her as rude and disrespectful

She throws up tantrums and sits up angry

And then there are people who now her as the quite and composed one....

I know her of not just flesh and bone

But rather deep inside

Of all these sides and more

Of all the broken relationships

Of all the complaints from childhood

Of all the fears from life....

I know her like no one else

But sometimes even I have a set back understanding what exactly she wants

Because she holds back from everything she needs

Having so much going on in her head

But still putting them all behind

And regretting of that one moment she takes for herself

Spending that one penny on her

Going that one extra mile.

I feel sorry for her if nothing else

Because of the heart that she holds

And the world she tries to put together

In the end she lands up letting go of herself for others

Will used to love me when I got nothing but my aching soul.

Seeing the pain seeing the pleasure.

And I could fall or I could fly. Hanging on the words you say.

With you my dear I'm safe

Tell me why I can be there where you are

Its a paradise and it is a war zone

(Songs : "The moon song" "Pillow talk" "Show me the meaning" "Dive")

I gaze at the evening sky

filled with all kinds of birds chirruping...

the parrots flying in flocks, the crows sharp enough to notice everything, the eagles high enough that they don’t care of what’s going down...

the sun sets in one corner, the moon now visible in between trees, in between clouds....

All the birds fly back home, the pigeons finding shelter in tall buildings, the crows in the big tree.

suddenly the night grows dark

not because of the night, or the clouds

rather something else is filling up the sky

I look up and find hundreds of bats all flying

filling the night sky with just enough space to reveal the moon

welcoming the full moon....

Behind every sucessful man there is a woman, but behind every unsuccesful there are two.

the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” is actually not the full phrase it actually is “curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back” so don’t let anyone tell you not to be a curious little baby okay go and be interested in the world uwu

He is spoiling what we have...

Perhaps I guess he spoilt what we had...

As mothers, she held her close,

Trying to feed by milking her blood

She was more than happy, a little more confused

Euphoria maybe or post pregnancy hormones

She was scared to let go, the baby was so tiny and fragile…

 .

He came in, a little late, hurried to see if his beloved was okay

Yes he was happy, but more worried I guess

He held her close, and apologized

Asked her whether she was happy or not

 .

They both looked at the baby, happy and content

This seemed to be a moment that could be captured

 .

It’s been years since then, I look up at the picture

My mom telling me what that day meant

I have heard this story a hundred times, but each time she says it a different way

 .

Sometimes I see her telling me that story with so much happiness that I wish he was around

And yet other times there is so much hatred I am glad they aren’t together…

 .

And yet, when he tells me the story I see pain as to not having spent enough time with me

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I don’t know whether to hate them both or love them

Either way I seem caught in an endless cycle