Lost

in love with this

Road.

Two roads diverged,

like the Robert frost poem.

I reckon, I chose the right one.

The one that took me, lands away,

showed me a small glimpse of

what the Eden looks like.

Verdure, the road beholds nothing

but lustful verdure on both sides.

I felt like I was drowning,

I felt like I was in middle of

a boisterous ocean.

A ocean, big, but not blue.

I confronted things I had never ever

felt in the bustle city life on mine.

I witness greenery, a sheer flora.

Like a big green mattress

laid vastly infront of me.

I felt like a small lost little ant

looking from sugar crumbs

moving back and forth

in that mattress.

I didn’t know how long I’d been there.

Probably hours, but I realized one thing,

All these days in the cantankerous life

I had had, I had lived like a man

who was allergic to oxygen.

I though maybe I should pack

something with me. It should not be

the oxygen, it should not be

that seducing frondescence,

it should not be the dangling harvests

It should be something that reminds me

what I withstood that moment.

Instead of all the alluring things out there

I chose the tamest one,

It was the picturesque memories

that I bagged wishing secretly that

I could cherish it every day.

- lsr

I'm glad I got to read the script first before the world could..

https://youtu.be/dQsjAbZDx-4

I love this song. So one day I was thinking of the lyrics and saw potential for a short story. Here it goes:

On he went. The snow was hard to distinguish from his hair. The steps were exhausting, each one. But still, it was a special day. He was almost there. Crosses and more crosses. It was hard to find a specific one, since they all looked the same. But it wasn’t his first time. He knew the way.

There it was. The flowers of last year had disappeared. The dog tag was still there. Fernando. What a war freak. He asked for all of it. To be buried with soldiers. To have nothing but a wooden cross. For the tag to hang on it. But not for the visits. That was on him. But how could he not? The whole war, and the fact the he came out alive, he owned it to him. To his bravery. To the hero he was.

“Hello Fernando? Enjoying not going gray, you lucky bastard? Here, I brought you your favorite.”

As he said that, he put down a red label bottle. How many memories. How many times they had fought for the last shot of one of those. Youth well spent.

But there was more. There was the war. And no one, in the whole world, was as proud to have defended freedom as Fernando. He had convinced everyone he could to join. He had fought until his last breath. Still, at the end, he survived. His smile was probably the largest on the night they celebrated the victory. They had to go on with their ordinary lives, but Fernando was forever a soldier. He died speaking about the honor of being a soldier.

Yet, not one person would remember him as a Nazi killer, but as the most inspiring, amusing and friendly figure to ever live. Except for that one soldier friend, visiting his soldier grave, to pay him a friend honor.

“Do you remember that night Fernando? The fireworks, the drinks, the women? How did we enjoy being young, being heroes, even though we would never touch a rifle again. Guess that’s what it’s all about, Fernando. Having the one story to be told on the grave.”

He laughed, far too much for the state of his lungs, until he coughed. Blood.

“Oh, my Fernando. Looks like I’ll be joining you quite soon”

I am doing it again

I thought I was done with it. With this so called "Love". I believed that what I expect of love will never be given to me. I was sure it was all over. 

But here I am sitting on my desk, gazing at my desktop screen, reading all those wonderful texts he sent me. Those lines of poetry that I had always wanted to hear. His words are the petals of the rose named love. But I fear that  the thrones of the rose will prick me in no time.

Maybe  this insecurity of mine is pointless, maybe even meaningless. That's what he told me too......

Maybe I am just fearing a bit too much. Maybe I am thinking too much. maybe........

I hope its just all in my head. And this time maybe it will work out. maybe my insecurity will just be done. he may be different from the rest. I now he is. the better different I hope

With mountains climbed

Stars gazed at.

It's been a beautiful week of all my life.

With friends made, and friendships bonded

I don't know how life could change.

People talked, laughed, had a merry go ride.

This has been where relationships redefined

New ones made

Judgements broken and new ones made.

Love to all the people and all the memories.

To the good and bad triping

When you were my 12am friend now don't call me just for the courtesy. When you talked to me endlessly now don't talk just because I called. I've always come behind you all the while, now don't expect the same. If you want you talk otherwise just don't. You can't force forgiveness or love. I've done more than my part now it's up to you. Don't worry about me being ignored it isn't new to me.

The endless ignorance in life..........

Snowy....

These human beings are so strange. They love you so much that they try to chain you down. They think only if you can hold on to something, maybe someone only then love remains.

Well, I love them too. They say, a dog is the most loyal animal, a man’s best friend. I am loyal to my humans, and I have been their best friend.

It’s funny, they think they can chain me down and love me more.

Yeah I know this is all very confusing to understand as to what is happening. I’ll begin from the beginning.

So, I’m Snowy; a white Pomeranian. I know not a creative name, but I like it now. I was 3 weeks old when I saw this beautiful family of human beings. A man, a woman, and a tiny human, all riding in a bike together. Cute..

I thought they’d feed me, so I went in front of the bike, they stopped but before that, they hurt me. I got hit by the bike. It did hurt, a lot. I was screaming, howling to be precise. They took good care of me. They cared a lot. I kept hearing them saying, I saved their life. Apparently, there was a stone in front of the bike and because I came in front they got saved. Otherwise they would have got hurt it seems.

So, now I’m theirs, just like that. They picked me up and I’m theirs. Named me Snowy, it was a silly name in the beginning, but now it’s nice. There is love when they call me Snowy. Cute...

Soon, I got a collar, a chain and a new home. I started marking my territory. I peed in all the poles and corners, so that no one else came in. There is this another human, the one who always wears the blue shirt, who always stays next to the tall iron wall. He help-s me keep my territory mine. He doesn't allow other dogs to come in. He help[s me keep my territory mine. My blue human.

A lot of people come here and everyone loves me. Not bragging or anything, but I am cute. You know the type girls like. So ya, I get a lot of attention. I see a lot of other dogs, trying to come in, trying to be friends with me, trying to scare me. At first i wouldn’t allow, but then I needed some friends.

But the actual problems was during the nights. Now, we dogs love nights. The phrase shouldn’t be night owl, rather night dogs. because we are the guards of dogs, we are the night owls, I mean the night dogs.

But these humans, they are so boring. They sleep at night, and they don’t bother much, so at night the other big dogs, they come to my place, they try to mark my territory as theirs. I bark and bark until they leave, I howl I scream. But this happens every night and the humans don’t like it.

I am 2 years old now. All grown up and there is this another tiny human in the house. A little cuter than me. He gets all the attention now, doesn’t like me much, and now I’m not allowed inside the house. I like this tiny human, but I’m not allowed to be close to him. I wonder why.

I go wandering to find some cute dogs, friendly dogs, some nice dogs, I really need someone to spend time with.

One time I was walking around and this human just took me away. I don’t understand these humans, they think they can just pick me up and take me home. Like I’m this thing they can possess. I was chained there for a few nights and one night I got the chance to run away. I came back to my humans. told you I was loyal, again there was so much love, but there was something missing. No dog understood me. There are a lot of humans who really like me, but these humans don’t understand me.

That’s when I saw this cute little girl dog. she was heavenly beautiful. She crawled in at night and ate my leftover food, I didn’t feel like barking, her puppy eyes, wagging tail... it was just beautiful. She was so adorable, like that little human.

She started coming every night from then on and I started leaving some food for her every night. But for some odd reason, she seemed very scared. It seemed like someone had hurt her. She licked me to say thank you. I sat her down and asked her one time, why she was scared and what happened. She didn’t wanna talk and just gave out a meek bark. I respected that, so I never asked her again. It’s up to her, but I assured her that she would be safe around me and my humans. Since then she’s always around me. She goes out to meet some other friends and come back at night when no humans are around, tells me everything that happened during the day, and just like that I become a part of her adventure and she became a part of my life. Eventually they found out but accepted her, and I told you right, those eyes have a charm!

Then we’ve always been around. I went out again and those huge scary dogs, they started barking and started chasing me away. I started running and everywhere it was the same, those huge dogs. They just couldn’t stop barking. I ran and ran and came near this car. It stopped and the humans gave me food and again those humans thought they can take me home, and just like that I was in their house. I was gone again. I didn’t know where I was, what I was doing. I was chained, taken care of, fed properly, loved. But I was chained. I wanted to go back to my humans.

I had to leave, I just had to, after a long time, many nights, they take me back to my humans. It was strange, they loved me and still just gave me away.

My humans, they kept asking me why I left, I told them, I barked and barked, I told them I was chased but they didn’t listen to me. I mean how would they, these humans only hear only what they want to hear. Ever since then, I’m chained. They say it’s for my own good. I can’t walk more than 8 feet, this chain, it pulls me back, pulls me down. Remember that puppy, she still comes visit me. She has grown up a little now, but those puppy eyes, they still are the same. She licked my face as soon as she saw me. Told me how much these human were worried. I told I went to see the world she always used to tell me about. The outside world.

Now I’m struck in my own world. These humans, they’re strange. They think in the name of love, they can lock me down and say it’s all for my own good. They say they love me unconditionally and put me under conditions. These humans, they love in a strange way.

The outside word is harsh and cold

That’s why we keep our doors closed…

My mom told me this the first time I asked the reason behind closing the door.

Then another question arised as to why we keep our windows open

And she replied “to view the world.”

But….

Wait…!

Why see the harsh world

If we close our doors to it.

Why have windows if we want cocoons…

It was then I realized lately

That we dont close our doors because the outside world is harsh and cold

But because we are scared of the outside world

Which consists of our “own”

And we still have windows because we are anxious to know whats happening out there

This lie we tell

The blame we put

Its all an escape

To the fear within us…

The fear towards us.

We close our doors

Because we fear the outside world

19:03:18

That girl I know

The solicited aspects of life turns on

Accepted mores of life goes on

But still there persists one constant thing

That isn't ready to go with change...

Change itself.

There are aspects she claims about herself

There are aspects she says she's not

But like everybody says

At the end of the day all she wants are eyes pleased

And people happy.

I haven't known her well

Even after knowing her for the past 21 or so years

She seems to be a confident, clear and sorted person

And the next fraction I see this trash of a person

She messes up everything just by over thinking

Everytime I tell her to shut up at unnecessary conversations.

Still she spills the words and poof! Goes everything

There are people who know the playful side of hers

And yet there are others who know her as rude and disrespectful

She throws up tantrums and sits up angry

And then there are people who now her as the quite and composed one....

I know her of not just flesh and bone

But rather deep inside

Of all these sides and more

Of all the broken relationships

Of all the complaints from childhood

Of all the fears from life....

I know her like no one else

But sometimes even I have a set back understanding what exactly she wants

Because she holds back from everything she needs

Having so much going on in her head

But still putting them all behind

And regretting of that one moment she takes for herself

Spending that one penny on her

Going that one extra mile.

I feel sorry for her if nothing else

Because of the heart that she holds

And the world she tries to put together

In the end she lands up letting go of herself for others

“Giving you pain is not the only way life knows to make you suffer. Sometimes taking the pleasure out of you will suffice.”

lsr